Will can be a good friend to you and still be terrible to others.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

My close friend, “Will,” was fired due to a sexual harassment complaint against him at work. Will and the women involved are of similar ages and status in the company. I don’t work with him and don’t really know details, but from what I do know, it’s in the category of “hitting on women at work and continuing to after they said no.” He denies most of it. Without knowing what exactly happened, my guess at the truth would be that it happened and is possibly more severe than Will believes but maybe slightly exaggerated on the women’s part. Still, he shouldn’t have done it at all, and this is obviously not good behavior. Our friend group is divided: A few believe Will, a few don’t and have cut ties, and one friend who works in the same industry as Will (but not at the same company) fears his own professional reputation will suffer if he keeps the friendship. Another friend who used to work with both Will and the women involved is also unsure what to believe. I’ve been close with Will for years, and though he is a ladies’ man type, I also consider him a feminist (I’m a woman and also a feminist). He has always been a kind, respectful, and generous friend. Should I cut him off? Demote him to an acquaintance? Is losing his job enough of a punishment, or should he lose his friends too?

—Still Friends?

mrsconn23

This LW's attitude annoys TF out of me.  "He's nice to me!"  OK, but what about the women he harassed?  Maybe he doesn't view you as 'fuckable' LW? Or maybe you've blown off what other people won't? 

FURTHERMORE, there must have been MANY and/or SEVERE complaints for him to get fired.  Let's be honest, it takes a lot of harassing (and documentation of it) most places for someone to be fired for that reason alone. 

Plus, there's nothing LW has said that tells me that Will is a feminist. 

But it's not up to you, LW, to decide people should remain friends with Will.  Do you, but if people don't want to be around Will, that's their right and you should respect that. 

charlotte989875

You don’t need permission to be friends with a scumbag, but you do need to be prepared for the consequences of continuing to associate with someone who harasses his coworkers to the point of being fired. 

You don’t get a pass on making this choice because he didn’t treat you poorly. You’ve heard what he has done and either you’re okay with it and stay friends or you’re not. 

banana468

If Will was terminated then the company has to have enough of a case that he's not suing them for wrongful termination.  So consider that about the "believing" part. 

Now that you see that there's some truth to this, how you'd handle any future friendship should be if he's showing any signs of being remorseful.  He's broken trust, confidence and hurt his coworkers.  He needs to show signs of wanting to improve IMO before you start to consider socializing with someone like him. 

MyNameIsNot

So you know nothing about the details, you don't know the victims, you weren't there, but you somehow have decided that these women were all exaggerating? Yeah, you're not a feminist. 

downtondiva

It can be very, very hard to accept negative things about our friends. I get that. But considering that Will was fired and that a friend working in the same industry is worried that there reputation will suffer if they continue to associate with him, I'm guessing this harassment was BAD and that whatever industry he works in, people are at least somewhat aware of what happened. Given that you weren't there and don't know all the details, I don't think it's fair or right for you to dismiss the allegations against him, which it seems you are trying to do.

Nobody can decide for you whether to remain friends with Will or not. Only you can decide that. But you need to remember that just because he's nice to you doesn't mean that he treats everyone the way he should, and you shouldn't feel obligated to protect and defend him if something like this happens again. And also consider how it might affect your other friendships if other people decide to keep their distance from Will and you don't. Are you okay with those consequences? 

ei34

MyNameIsNot said:

So you know nothing about the details, you don't know the victims, you weren't there, but you somehow have decided that these women were all exaggerating? Yeah, you're not a feminist. 

This this this. I don’t want to be friends with Will or the LW.

short+sassy

What's especially striking to me is it isn't one woman complaining.  It is plural, women.  Multiple people with similar stories is not an "exaggeration" or a "misunderstanding" or whatever other word Will wants to use to explain his obviously unwanted advances.  It is sexually harassing behavior that was so egregious, he was fired for it.  

Look, LW.  Either you find what he did to be a dealbreaker for your friendship or you don't.  Asking if him "losing his job being punishment enough" shouldn't have any factor in "should I be friends with a misogynist". 

NOLABridesmaid

Since the age of 30, I came to the realization that ANYBODY can do ANYTHING. Now, I might be highly surprised, but will never say that there is no way that someone is capable of doing something bad.

We are talking about human beings here.

knottie48dec5eb810f53ac

I am really impressed with what topics you share, I will visit posts from you more often.

charlotte989875

knottie48dec5eb810f53ac said:

I am really impressed with what topics you share, I will visit posts from you more often.

Yah, @mrsconn23 has a lot of issues she needs to talk about. 😂

Jen4948

For a "feminist" this guy is hypocritical if there was a sustainable harassment charge against him.

mrsconn23

charlotte989875 said:

knottie48dec5eb810f53ac said:

I am really impressed with what topics you share, I will visit posts from you more often.

Yah, @mrsconn23 has a lot of issues she needs to talk about. 😂

Bots are fun.  LOL