Adding a bridesmaid for postponed wedding

hollematrimony

I have a college friend that I was really close with but we grew apart for a few years. I got engaged in summer 2019 and we were pretty distant at that time, so I did not end up asking her to be a bridesmaid. My wedding was panned for August 2020, but postponed a year (to August 2021) due to the pandemic. 

My college friend and I grew much closer in the past 6 months and I have been seriously considering asking her to be a bridesmaid, but don’t want her to feel like she is an afterthought.
Looking for advice/tips on how to ask her. I really don’t want to offend her. It would mean a lot to me to have her in the wedding and I regret not asking her in the first place. 

ILoveBeachMusic

Are you planning on keeping all of your original bridal party and just adding your friend? If so, I would probably not ask her because it will look as if she is an add-on. If things have changed with the wedding in general, I think you could probably ask her. This is why we don't recommend asking your party more than 6 months or so in advance because relationships change.

hollematrimony

ILoveBeachMusic said:

Are you planning on keeping all of your original bridal party and just adding your friend? If so, I would probably not ask her because it will look as if she is an add-on. If things have changed with the wedding in general, I think you could probably ask her. This is why we don't recommend asking your party more than 6 months or so in advance because relationships change.

I appreciate your response and input. Yes, I do plan to keep the original bridal party and want to add my friend. I understand not wanting to ask people too early to be in your wedding party, but we didn't anticipate a global pandemic that would cause us to postpone our wedding a full year.  It is definitely not my intention to make her feel or look like an add-on. I would still like to ask her and would love any advice on how to ask and not necessarily whether or not to ask her. 

Casadena

Does she know that you've already picked a whole bridal party?  If she does, I don't think you should ask her.  No wording or different ways of asking will make it seem like she's not an afterthought.  If she does not know that you already asked a bunch of other people, I think you could just ask her as normal.  My guess is that she knows though. 

charlotte989875

I sort of disagree with others- she likely also feels your relationship has changed in the last year. Why not say “I really appreciate how close we’ve grown over the last & and I’d love for you to stand up with me when we’re married”. I think it’s silly to think relationships don’t change; you didn’t foresee having to postpone your wedding and if things have changed I think it’s fine to include her. 

short+sassy

charlotte989875 said:

I sort of disagree with others- she likely also feels your relationship has changed in the last year. Why not say “I really appreciate how close we’ve grown over the last & and I’d love for you to stand up with me when we’re married”. I think it’s silly to think relationships don’t change; you didn’t foresee having to postpone your wedding and if things have changed I think it’s fine to include her. 

SIB:
This forum isn't going to be any help for you at all @hollematrimony, lol!  I'm going to split the opinion further and agree with @charlotte989875.  I think it's okay to ask someone to be in your WP at a later time when there has been a clear change in the friendship, ie growing closer, spending more time together, etc.  I like the (above) wording also because it indirectly acknowledges she's being asked later, while also being a heartfelt statement about how close the friendship has become.

banana468

short+sassy said:

charlotte989875 said:

I sort of disagree with others- she likely also feels your relationship has changed in the last year. Why not say “I really appreciate how close we’ve grown over the last & and I’d love for you to stand up with me when we’re married”. I think it’s silly to think relationships don’t change; you didn’t foresee having to postpone your wedding and if things have changed I think it’s fine to include her. 

SIB:
This forum isn't going to be any help for you at all @hollematrimony, lol!  I'm going to split the opinion further and agree with @charlotte989875.  I think it's okay to ask someone to be in your WP at a later time when there has been a clear change in the friendship, ie growing closer, spending more time together, etc.  I like the (above) wording also because it indirectly acknowledges she's being asked later, while also being a heartfelt statement about how close the friendship has become.

I am also agreeing that you can add.

I wasn't originally a BM when BIL and SIL got married.  Then we got closer and she added me.  I'm thrilled that I was asked. 

Jen4948

I think you can add as well. If your friendship has deepened to the point that she's one of your best friends, then I think she deserves to be asked and it's an honor, even if it's subsequent to your asking the others.