A Partly Kid Friendly Wedding

tilldeathdousclark1016

Hey everyone, I could really use some advice!

My fiancé and I originally wanted to have a NO kids wedding. However, my parents are helping fund a good portion of the wedding and they were not fond of the idea. They also brought up multiple good points and the biggest one was that it would affect the ability of some of our family to come at all due to the distance of the wedding from our hometown (around 2-3hrs for most and some out of state guest as well). So, my fiancé and I would like to compromise. Kid and family friendly music from 4-9pm. Kids are still welcome after of course, but the music/environment will become more party oriented and I would like to warn my more conservative family of this. I am having trouble deciding how to word this and where to tell my guest. Should it be stated on the website, wedding invitation, or wedding program? All of them? It is a very odd and no traditional move, but it is what we want and the best compromise I could think of!

Please help! Thank you in advance!!!

ILoveBeachMusic

I guess I don't understand what kid friendly from 4-9pm indicates. Just invite the kids along with their parents. Parents always decide if they want the kids there or not. You really can't just invite the kids for part of the celebration. That would actually make it more difficult for the parents. Also you can invite kids in your family and no other children. The way you do this is write the names of everyone invited on the invitation. For example: John and Jane Smith, Julie Smith, James Smith on an invitation where the children are invited. John and Jane Smith on an invitation where only the parents are invited. If for some reason they RSVP with the children listed, you call them and say "I'm sorry but the invitation was only for John and Jane".

 My DD didn't invite children except for the children of the wedding party/in the wedding party and a newborn. It was not an issue.

downtondiva

If a lot of these families with kids are coming from far away, inviting kids for only part of the wedding is going to be a logistical nightmare for their parents. If you feel you must invite kids, invite them for the entire event, for their parents' sake if nothing else. 

You also don't have to include everyone's kids - for example, you can just include the kids in your own families. That's what my husband and I did. There may have been a couple of guests who couldn't/didn't come because their kids weren't invited, but overall, it wasn't a big deal (and the kids who were at our wedding behaved well and had a great time). Do you think you'd be okay with that? Would that be acceptable to your parents as well?

tilldeathdousclark1016

Well, the idea behind it is because our wedding party and friends are pretty heavy partiers and we ourselves enjoy a style of music that doesn't make a very kid friendly environment we would like a certain point where we can let loose towards the end of the reception. My family is very large and has a lot of kids and they are more conservative than both me and my fiancé. I do not want to have to play kid friendly music and contain ourselves at our wedding the entire time. At some point, we would like to turn up the party if you will and change the type of music/environment and I do not want people in my family getting offended because their kids are still there. Kids can totally stay the whole time, but at 9pm the environment is going to be more party oriented and I would like to warn people instead of have them upset in the moment.

tilldeathdousclark1016

It isn't about the kids not being invited. They are invited for the whole wedding and can stay the whole time. However, my family is much more conservative than me, my fiancé, his family, and all of our friends/bridal party. My family is also huge and they have a lot of children. At a certain point(9-9:30pm) the reception is going to get turned up and the music is going to change and I just want to give them a warning since I know some of them may not love our type of music, which is primarily electronic dance music(EDM) and club style music. It isn't about telling the parents they have to take their children and leave because that is not the case, it is about warning them about the music change. His family and my friends with children will likely stay the whole time, but some of my more conservative family may choose to leave, they also may not I cannot know for sure. I just want to give them a heads up instead of blindsiding them. I hope this makes more sense than my original post. 

banana468

I think this is best spread via word of mouth and you'll want to ensure all key reception elements are over by that time.   Cut the cake, do all dances, etc before the reception tone changes.  

ILoveBeachMusic

Ok I get it now. I agree with banana, it is best to spread this by word of mouth especially since it is mostly family you are concerned about being offended. Just tell people as you are discussing the wedding (I'm sure your family asks about your plans) that you will be having a club like atmosphere after 9:00. Also, as banana says make sure the key reception elements are covered before that time. Best wishes!

downtondiva

Yes, this all makes more sense now. I agree with @banana468 and @ILoveBeachMusic. Spreading the word in a fairly casual way is best - just tell people what the plans for the reception are without making a big deal about whether they'll want to leave at a certain time or not, and leave it up to them what they want to do. Definitely make sure the cake cutting is done by 9pm, as that's usually the cue to guests that it's okay to head out if they're looking to leave before the reception's over.

MyNameIsNot

Agree with just spreading via word of mouth. Inviting kids does not mean that the early part of the reception needs to cater to kids. It's generally expected that any party will get wilder as the night goes on. There's no reason kids can't be around EDM, but most little kids are going to be leaving by 9 anyway, as that's typically after their bedtime.  

banana468

MyNameIsNot said:

Agree with just spreading via word of mouth. Inviting kids does not mean that the early part of the reception needs to cater to kids. It's generally expected that any party will get wilder as the night goes on. There's no reason kids can't be around EDM, but most little kids are going to be leaving by 9 anyway, as that's typically after their bedtime.  

Exactly.  I'd hope that the early part of the evening is music at a volume I can talk through, language that doesn't talk about genitalia (I'm talking about songs like WAP, Strokin', etc) and that are just sort of "standard wedding fun".  Make sure your dances are done, cake is cut and served and by 9ish most people who aren't into a later night filter out.  If my kids are having a meltdown then we start to want to disappear at that point.  

short+sassy

I agree with the other PPs that this is best spread word of mouth and to make sure all the major elements of a reception are done by then.  It would be odd to have it "officially" written on an invite or program, etc.  People will get the idea anyway when the music/vibe changes and can make their good-byes at that time, if they don't feel it is appropriate for their children and/or are ready to head out.

Jen4948

I also agree that this information is best shared by word of mouth and that you should work out your scheduling so that all the "events" of the reception, like spotlight dances, toasts and cake-cutting are over by the time the music changes. At that point anyone who isn't into the music and/or doesn't think their children should be there can leave. 

tilldeathdousclark1016

Thank you all so much for your advice. Sorry for my confusing explanation at first! I greatly appreciate everyone's comments and time!

ei34

MyNameIsNot said:

Agree with just spreading via word of mouth. Inviting kids does not mean that the early part of the reception needs to cater to kids. It's generally expected that any party will get wilder as the night goes on. There's no reason kids can't be around EDM, but most little kids are going to be leaving by 9 anyway, as that's typically after their bedtime.  

Preach.  It could Raffi and Disney favorites and ice cream sundaes at 9, my kids would still be done.  They’re usually in bed by 7...8 would be pushing it. 

OP, I’m not sure I’d even bother with word of mouth to describe your planned evening.  What you’re describing sounds pretty standard at weddings, the partying gets harder as the night goes on.  Invite everyone you’d like (best to keep kids in social circles- ex: your siblings’ kids are invited but your cousins’ kids aren’t), parents typically know when their kids are done.  Although the kids at my wedding were leading the conga line and clapping along to Lmfao “shots” while their parents were taking actual shots near midnight.  Just depends on who’s there I guess.

MesmrEwe

A cousin did this rather subtly at their reception, as others said - do your cake, first dance, etc. early on so that's all wrapped up...  How they did it was they had background music during dinner, did the cake right away when they walked in so it could be served up by the caterers as part of the meal without any break, then after their first dance was the "typical musts" reception music/dancing at a volume such that people could sit and chat for a bit without yelling or having to say WHAT?!?!?!, then on the clock at 8:30, the volume increased and lights dimmed a hair, 8:45, another increase, by 9PM it was shifted over to more of the light show/club/dance type atmosphere...  Surprisingly many "older" what you'd say "conservative" types stuck around and had a BLAST watching everyone having a great time on the dance floor before they headed out.  Heck, my Mom even went out there and learned how to do the ChaCha Slide with the Groom LOL (he had asked to have a dance with her at another event before the wedding - it just ended up timing wise that way)..  

Honestly, most people with young kids will leave early enough that they can get home or kids off to bed at a reasonable time if they're staying in a hotel.  Lots of people will stay through the first dance then take off, it's just the way it works out, the main event is watching you two say "I do!".