Too much coffee TUESDAY

MyNameIsNot

kvruns said:

what book are you reading @MyNameIsNot

The Once and Future Witches. I haven't started it yet, but apparently it's suffragettes who change the course of history with witchcraft. A bit too fantasy for my taste, but we've decided to be a little more whimsical in 2021. 

mrsconn23

banana468 said:

Regarding the staying up after you, is it possible that your H needs some time to himself?  I know that H is someone who needs his alone time.  And I am not saying this like, "He's in the basement working on his sound," but it's a respect for his mental health that he needs that time.    It's about creating that balance so if he's up late because he needed that hour to himself that he also acknowldeges something for you later - like YOU get a 3 hour Saturday  nap.  Sometimes DH would agree to stay up late with the kiddos and I'd go to bed so I could be up in the middle of the night.  

I snorted.  

But yeah, if he needs the 'down time', I get it.  However, that doesn't absolve him of nighttime duties.  I'd definitely talk to him and advise what's currently happening isn't working for you, but you get he may need 'his' time. 

Have you thought about dream feeding?  If DH stays up later, he could potentially give him a bottle before he turns in for the night.  

(I sometimes get annoyed that DH now stays up later with me because I miss my post-DefConn bedtime alone time from time to time that I had when DH worked a set schedule where he went in super early or worked nights.) 

ei34

I'm so sorry for your loss @MissKittyDanger
@charlotte989875 none of my kids slept through the night until closer to 18mos...I'm not going to say "try not to compare" bc it's human nature...and I was always envious of my sister's babies who like mine were breastfed but all went on these 5-6/hour stretches over night by like 4mos old.  I was jealous.  And exhausted.  But I never mastered sleep training a baby either. ETA - apologies with how that last sentence came out Char...that “either” at the end sounds like I’m lumping you in with my woeful self.  Max will get there, soon I’m sure!

I don't know Armie Hammer either but I also didn't know Hilaria Baldwin until last week and I'm not falling into another TK-celebrity rabbit hole  

A lot of my IL's have Covid.  They saw each other (multiple families) indoors and unmasked for NYE.  Photos all over social media.  I've texted both SILs and an aunt who lives alone but fairly nearby to let me know if they need groceries dropped off.  I'm so freaking enraged though because the two cousins of H who we think "started it" didn't tell anyone else.  Like it was news to my SILs when H mentioned it to them...they only got tested after he told them the cousins were positive.  Which means they lied to contract tracers from the DOH, who would've reached out to close contacts by the time H told his sisters.  They're all so freaking ignorant and I'm suddenly not as mad about all the cash bars and throwing their own showers and lack of thank you cards I've been through with them.

banana468

mrsconn23 said:

banana468 said:

Regarding the staying up after you, is it possible that your H needs some time to himself?  I know that H is someone who needs his alone time.  And I am not saying this like, "He's in the basement working on his sound," but it's a respect for his mental health that he needs that time.    It's about creating that balance so if he's up late because he needed that hour to himself that he also acknowldeges something for you later - like YOU get a 3 hour Saturday  nap.  Sometimes DH would agree to stay up late with the kiddos and I'd go to bed so I could be up in the middle of the night.  

I snorted.  

But yeah, if he needs the 'down time', I get it.  However, that doesn't absolve him of nighttime duties.  I'd definitely talk to him and advise what's currently happening isn't working for you, but you get he may need 'his' time. 

Have you thought about dream feeding?  If DH stays up later, he could potentially give him a bottle before he turns in for the night.  

(I sometimes get annoyed that DH now stays up later with me because I miss my post-DefConn bedtime alone time from time to time that I had when DH worked a set schedule where he went in super early or worked nights.) 

Totally agree!  My only point was that if her DH is staying up later he may need that tim for himself.  BUT, with it comes the responsibility to own it and also acknowlege he needs to do SOMETHING.  So he stays up late and takes a last feeding?  Or on weekends he arranges for mom down time and he takes on something else.  

And clearly he can't talk about being tired like he's the only one.  New parents don't sleep and both are tired and it's not a contest to see who has bigger bags under the eyes. It's best a discussion to have well before bedtime when they are at least moderately awake.  For DH and me (and Chiquita was bottle fed) it meant that DH took the 12-3 AM wake ups and I took the later ones.  On weekends he'd stay up and I'd go to bed early.    It wasn't perfect but it was an agreement and we both acknowedged that each of us needed time. 

Also, there's a certain degree of 'what you need for sleep and what I need are different."  And that may mean that if you need more sleep to function or he does that's OK too.  It's how to work on it.  I don't mean, "Oh if he doesn't get 12 hours then he's no good poor baby," but it's figuring out what works for both of you and it's an equation with so many variables. 

@ei34 I hope your DH is at least on board with you.   I'd be enraged too.    MIL is all, "Look at these comparisons to the Gestapo with neighbors turning in neighbors!"  It's all I can do to not say, "Right, because when you have a compliance rate with the local board of health in NY and NJ that's below 50% you get continued viral spread and it kills people."  If my neighbor had a rager you can bet I'd be making a phone call too.  If my kids only get to see their educators two days a week while others feel that the rules don't apply then this is how you get a pandemic to spread.  

ei34

@banana468 omg he’s outraged.  He’s so Covid-cautious that when I push and fight for our kids to see my parents outdoors he acts as if I’m a Trumper fightin for my haircut back in May. He was carrying on that I shouldn’t have offered his sisters grocery drop offs “they don’t deserve it, they did this to themselves”.  He’s furious at all of them.

I'm sorry your kids are only in person twice a week.  My school and my kids’ are still in person five days, but we’re hanging on by a thread.  Districts all around ours are going remote.  A neighboring district found out a bunch of parents lied on the daily health tracker survey about not traveling over Christmas break.  They said they hadn’t but did, now the district is remote for the next 10 days.  

missJeanLouise

@MissKittyDanger so sorry for your loss. 

@charlotte989875 idk if this is helpful or not but, when my DS was around 9months old, I was still breastfeeding and getting up 3-4 a night. He would fall back asleep within a minute of me picking him up though and basically dream feed. Since he was a little chunker, his Pedi said I could start night weaning him. So when he woke up at 3 or whenever, I would still go in and cuddle him but not offer him my boob. After about 4 days he was only waking up 2-3 times a night and it made such a big difference! 

short+sassy

@kvruns, I heard about that Panera program!  It sounds amazing for people who have a Panera on their daily flight path.  But, like @CharmedPam, unfortunately I do not.

@VarunaTT, I'm so glad your test came negative and has brought you some happiness to re-join the human race, lol.

@ILoveBeachMusic, It's good to hear your all's dog is at least not in pain.  I'm sorry to hear her diagnosis.  At least you all have more time with her for all the spoils and all the snuggles. 

@MissKittyDanger, I'm so sorry for your loss!  That's a beautiful photo of the two of you.

Not too much going on with me.  Though one of our fairly new tenants (moved in Oct. '20) has already become very concerning.  She has not paid her Jan. rent but, even worse than that, has been ignoring all of our communications.  She has a long-term, good job that pays well.  Before moving in, she requested we replace the carpeting in two bedrooms with the LVP we had in the other two bedrooms.  She paid for half of that cost, which was a great sign that she plans to stay there long-term.

We posted a 5 Day Pay or Quit notice on her door yesterday and she STILL hasn't contacted us!  In all my years of being a landlady, I have only had one other time where a tenant continued to ignore me after a notice is placed.  My H and I are pretty baffled.  We'd both had good vibes about her until this month.  Whatever, ball is in her court now.  I'll be super pissed if we end up having to get another tenant so soon.  But, at this point, I don't even want her as a tenant anymore.  No communication is totally unacceptable.  If we don't hear back from her first, we'll send her one more text message the day before the notice is up and,' in a nutshell, let her know it's the last day and we will be filing for an eviction the next day if we still haven't at least heard back from her.    

ILoveBeachMusic

I'm so sorry for your loss @MissKittyDanger, that is a great picture of the two of you!

Jstump2

@charlotte989875  just offering solidarity and support in whatever you feel is right. I breastfed and didn't sleep train either of my kids and pretty much did all of the night-waking's. My H would wake up if I asked but I usually didn't. I still don't understand how he slept like a rock through a baby crying. He would stay up most nights when I went to bed early and let me sleep in on weekends. He mentioned sleep-training but shut his mouth for the most part since he knew I was doing the heavy lifting It worked for us for the most part. It's all kind of a blur now but even without sleep training they do eventually sleep through the night. 

@MissKittyDanger Sorry for your loss, I hope your fond memories will bring you comfort.

short+sassy

ei34 said:

@banana468 omg he’s outraged.  He’s so Covid-cautious that when I push and fight for our kids to see my parents outdoors he acts as if I’m a Trumper fightin for my haircut back in May. He was carrying on that I shouldn’t have offered his sisters grocery drop offs “they don’t deserve it, they did this to themselves”.  He’s furious at all of them.

I'm sorry your kids are only in person twice a week.  My school and my kids’ are still in person five days, but we’re hanging on by a thread.  Districts all around ours are going remote.  A neighboring district found out a bunch of parents lied on the daily health tracker survey about not traveling over Christmas break.  They said they hadn’t but did, now the district is remote for the next 10 days.  

Orleans parish went back to 100% distance learning after winter break and (I think) it will stay that way until the end of Jan. and then be reassessed.

We also went back to a "modified" Phase I.  A big aspect of that is restaurants have been open for dine-in seating at 50% capacity and retail stores (also 50%) for months.  I think since July.  But that changed for the first time last week.  Dine-in seating is still allowed, but at only 25% capacity and same with retail stores.  There are exceptions for places like Walmart and Target that also carry groceries.

OliveOilsMom

MKD - I'm sorry for your loss.  

Charlotte - H and I just out right took turns at night, but DD was always both breastfed and bottle fed with either formula or breastmilk.  DD was also a bit of a unicorn sleeper overall and started giving us a long stretch of 6 ish hours at night around 3-4 months.  It does sound like maybe some sort of split shifting overnight may work.  You go to sleep early and H stays up for a feeding before he goes to bed.  

ILBM - I'm sorry about your pup!  We lost our Betsey about 4 years ago with the same problem.  Hugs for you and your family.

We had a nice weekend.  We didn't get any of our projects started, but we did get Christmas down and away.  I even put up the small string of heart lights for Valentine's Day.  DD loves the lights on the house, so I try to keep them going for her!

Not much else going on here.  I did book an outdoor mini session of photos for DD's 4th birthday.  We always get yearly pictures for her, usually at Picture People, but due to Covid I wanted outdoor pictures instead.  I found a photographer during mini sessions in 2 weekends at an ok price.  Way more than Picture People, but I know they will be amazing!  My friend has used this photographer a few times before, so I'm excited about the results!

charlotte989875

Thank you everyone, so so much! 

H definitely needs his alone time (& has always been more of a night owl and generally needs less sleep than me) and I’m trying to just let him manage that on his own. And I don’t mind the night feedings- baby M is super happy and not a crier so getting up isn’t terrible. I think what’s frustrating is what @kvruns said about him pushing sleep training when for the most part, he eats and goes back to sleep on his own. He just gets up throughout the night to eat. I do wonder if H would maybe say less if he did a full night with the baby. I’ve pretty much been going to sleep when the baby does and it’s working for me (for now). The push to sleep train and the complaining in the morning is getting to me. 

You all are making me feel SO MUCH better about my kid not sleeping through the night now. 

Casadena

missJeanLouise said:

@MissKittyDanger so sorry for your loss. 

@charlotte989875 idk if this is helpful or not but, when my DS was around 9months old, I was still breastfeeding and getting up 3-4 a night. He would fall back asleep within a minute of me picking him up though and basically dream feed. Since he was a little chunker, his Pedi said I could start night weaning him. So when he woke up at 3 or whenever, I would still go in and cuddle him but not offer him my boob. After about 4 days he was only waking up 2-3 times a night and it made such a big difference! 

this is what we did too (he always took a bottle at night, so H and I took turns).  We just took turns getting up with him to snuggle and it didn't take more than a few days.  This was around 7-8 months and at that point he was only getting up once or twice.  

short+sassy

Our local fall out from the Capitol insurrection is the owner of a local grocery store chain (Rouses) traveled to DC to attend the protest.  He did not participate at all in storming the building, but the outrage that he was there has caused a huge ruckus!

People are boycotting those stores in mass.  I've seen pics on social media of how empty they are.  But it does explain why my Winn Dixie trip (rival grocery store across the street from a Rouses) was so much busier than it usually is for a Sun. afternoon.  There was also a peaceful protest at one of the stores this last Sat.  

mrsconn23

charlotte989875 said:

You all are making me feel SO MUCH better about my kid not sleeping through the night now. 

I believe AAP or some other medical organization came out in the last year or two stating that kids should not be expected to sleep through the night in the first year and that hardcore sleep training is probably not appropriate.  I'll have to see if I can find the study and recommendations.  

MissKittyDanger

And we're back under state of emergency in Ontario.

Unsure how this will go with services on Friday even though we're just 8 people. We'll see.

banana468

short+sassy said:

Our local fall out from the Capitol insurrection is the owner of a local grocery store chain (Rouses) traveled to DC to attend the protest.  He did not participate at all in storming the building, but the outrage that he was there has caused a huge ruckus!

People are boycotting those stores in mass.  I've seen pics on social media of how empty they are.  But it does explain why my Winn Dixie trip (rival grocery store across the street from a Rouses) was so much busier than it usually is for a Sun. afternoon.  There was also a peaceful protest at one of the stores this last Sat.  

It's amazing how many people seem to equate freedom of speech and freedom from consequence.  

Sometimes the phrase "you are the company you keep" applies.   I have a hard time feeling like anyone who walked with the terrorists towards the capital is innocent.  If you didn't try to get in but actively cheered on from the outside maybe you don't deserve jailtime but you don't deserve my money for a pack of gum either. 

mrsconn23

The "I know MAH RIGHTS! You're taking away MAH RIGHTS!" crowd has some really dumb ones among their masses, but I bet more of them know it's not true...but being loud about it is their favorite past time.  The one who cries the loudest lives in the White House for another week. 

I will say that I'm not upset, per se, that these services are going around shutting down problematic accounts.  I am frustrated it took so long and that it seems reactionary and arbitrary (in some cases).  Why did you have TOS in the first place if you weren't going to uphold them?  I am struggling with the conversations around the internet/social media sites and treating them like a 'utility' (re: regulations).  I think it's way more complicated than water or power. I truly don't think the senior citizens in congress are the people to write legislation on it, but we've also tried to let companies 'police' themselves and here we are now.  It's so fucking complicated and no one has any great ideas. 

banana468

mrsconn23 said:

The "I know MAH RIGHTS! You're taking away MAH RIGHTS!" crowd has some really dumb ones among their masses, but I bet more of them know it's not true...but being loud about it is their favorite past time.  The one who cries the loudest lives in the White House for another week. 

I will say that I'm not upset, per se, that these services are going around shutting down problematic accounts.  I am frustrated it took so long and that it seems reactionary and arbitrary (in some cases).  Why did you have TOS in the first place if you weren't going to uphold them?  I am struggling with the conversations around the internet/social media sites and treating them like a 'utility' (re: regulations).  I think it's way more complicated than water or power. I truly don't think the senior citizens in congress are the people to write legislation on it, but we've also tried to let companies 'police' themselves and here we are now.  It's so fucking complicated and no one has any great ideas. 

Also agreed.   There are people before and since Friday that remain on Twitter and why are they still there?  It doesn't make Twitter bad for shutting down Trump's access.   It makes them negligent/bad for not shutting down other accounts too.  

mrsconn23

@charlotte989875


https://www.today.com/health/infant-study-finds-most-babies-don-t-sleep-through-night-t141879

short+sassy

Well THAT turned out to be an exhausting work day!  It's usually a fairly low stress job.  But it was just one of those days when urgent stuff was thrown at me from all sides at the same time.

Now I'm in that limbo where the fires have been put out.  But there are only 20 more minutes in my day and nothing else I have is worth getting started on for such a short period of time.  

kerbohl

mrsconn23 said:

Tuesday, blerg.  At least it's sunny out. 

I had to do this 'respect in the workplace' training this morning, which is just diversity and harassment prevention packaged in a new way.  It was run of the mill, but I did notice that a lot of people in the stock videos and stills were...white.  Maybe we should rethink who gets represented in diversity training, even if it is just stock images? 

The 'History of Swearing' series on Netflix is amusing.  It made me love Nic Cage again.  The episodes are only 20 min too. 

DH is going to be gone Thu-Sun.  My sister and dad are going to be gone this coming weekend too. It's supposed to snow Friday and Saturday.  I may have to take DefConn to get some Red Box movies or something.  We also have some project kits that we've let collect dust.  I may see if my younger sister wants to come over for dinner one night with foster nephew.  I need to find things to do, other than be sad panda that DH is gone and the weather is crappy and cold. 

SSDD otherwise.  

I loved it!  It was amazing and interesting, and Nic Cage is amazing.