Maid of Honor

knottiea0a0708e10c9e5ac

Would it be wrong to switch bridesmaid and a maid of honor? The maid of honor that I had picked out is going through a lot of stuff in her life right now and isn't very helpful with wedding planning or helping me out with bridesmaid things or made of honor things or anything with the wedding whereas one of my bridesmaids has picked up what the maid of honor should be doing with wedding planning and helping pick things out and making decisions and stuff like that. Would it be wrong of me to just switch positions? I would be switching the bridesmaid that is helping me to my maid of honor and the man of honor that hasn't been helping me as a bridesmaid. I would keep both of them in the wedding party It's not like I'm kicking one out to replace the other.

missJeanLouise

knottiea0a0708e10c9e5ac said:

Would it be wrong to switch bridesmaid and a maid of honor? The maid of honor that I had picked out is going through a lot of stuff in her life right now and isn't very helpful with wedding planning or helping me out with bridesmaid things or made of honor things or anything with the wedding whereas one of my bridesmaids has picked up what the maid of honor should be doing with wedding planning and helping pick things out and making decisions and stuff like that. Would it be wrong of me to just switch positions? I would be switching the bridesmaid that is helping me to my maid of honor and the man of honor that hasn't been helping me as a bridesmaid. I would keep both of them in the wedding party It's not like I'm kicking one out to replace the other.

Assuming your chose your MOH based on the closeness of your relationship and not on their ability to plan YOUR wedding, I would not change. There are no duties a MOH must perform, it is a position of Honor not a job. Anyone can help if they choose, regardless if they are in the wedding party of not. I do think it would be nice to give the extra helpful bridesmaids a nice gift and heartfelt note acknowledging their help and your appreciation. I think switching would cause hurt feelings, especially for someone who is already "going through a lot".

ILoveBeachMusic

I agree with @missJeanLouise. Your MOH is your MOH because she is your best friend not because she can perform jobs. Besides the only difference (possibly) between a MOH and a bridesmaid is that the MOH signs a marriage certificate (depending on state/province) and holds your bouquet during parts of the ceremony. Surely your friend can do that whether she is MOH or bridesmaid. I agree that it would be nice to privately thank the bridesmaid that has been extra helpful as you would anyone who has helped you.

MyNameIsNot

There's no such thing as "things the MOH should be doing" with planning a wedding. Roles in the wedding party are meant to honor your relationship with people, not to extract unpaid work from them. Planning the wedding is 100% your and your partner's responsibility. It would be really inappropriate to switch titles now. Essentially, you'd be saying "MOH, I thought you were my closest friend, but since you were going through a difficult time and didn't have extra time to do things for my wedding, I realized I don't love you quite as much as I thought." 

It's extremely kind and generous that one of your bridesmaids has offered to help you plan your wedding. That is a lot of work, and she should be thanked appropriately. (Not by publicly labeling her as your closest friend, but with a nice gift and heartfelt thank you). 

Also, your MOH is your closest friend who is going through his own stuff. Rather than seeking to punish him publicly, what are you doing to support him? Getting married doesn't absolve you of being a friend. 

flantastic

Your 👋 maid of honor 👋 doesn't 👋 have 👋 to 👋help 👋 plan 👋 your 👋 wedding

No, you should not switch them, for the reasons PP have stated. Do thank your bridesmaid for all her help that she has generously offered.

ei34

My only advice is to carve out some time to see if you can help out your MOH in any way, since you say she’s going through a lot right now.  MOH is usually a title given to your very closest friend, so it shouldn’t be too hard.
If a BM is going above and beyond, definitely thank her profusely and gift her generously at your RD or whenever you’re planning on doing BP gifts.  But the only roles for the entire WP is to stand by your side during the wedding ceremony in the agreed upon attire. 

MesmrEwe

Have two - no demotions!  Bonus if one is married and the other not because then you have a Maid and a Matron, but really, as others mentioned, it's not a paid event planner on contract, it's a title for a day...  And if stuff is going on in her life, that doesn't change the level of importance she has in your life that you asked her to be your MOH in the first place...