No thank you notes?

knottiecadc902b5680e8f6

Just wondering your opinions (especially if you are under age 30) on the trend toward not sending thank you notes?  I am seeing this trend in not only wedding gifts, but also wedding shower gifts and baby gifts.  I have kids in their twenties who I taught to write thank yous for bday and Christmas gifts ever since they were old enough to write......so for me it really feels like the recipient did not appreciate the gift. Also, unless I handed the gift to them, it leaves me wondering if the mail lost it or delivered it to wrong address, or did the gift enclosure card somehow get lost?   I know that not everyone was taught to do this growing up, but is this something that is still included on checklists and advice for new brides and new moms, or is it considered totally outdated?  I know that sending a thank you note can never be the wrong thing to do, but is it optional and not expected anymore?   I don't want to be judgey or to have wrong expectations, so I would love it if you younger gals can chime in on why thank you notes are so often not mailed out for wedding and baby gifts?  Thanks for your input!! 

charlotte989875

knottiecadc902b5680e8f6 said:

Just wondering your opinions (especially if you are under age 30) on the trend toward not sending thank you notes?  I am seeing this trend in not only wedding gifts, but also wedding shower gifts and baby gifts.  I have kids in their twenties who I taught to write thank yous for bday and Christmas gifts ever since they were old enough to write......so for me it really feels like the recipient did not appreciate the gift. Also, unless I handed the gift to them, it leaves me wondering if the mail lost it or delivered it to wrong address, or did the gift enclosure card somehow get lost?   I know that not everyone was taught to do this growing up, but is this something that is still included on checklists and advice for new brides and new moms, or is it considered totally outdated?  I know that sending a thank you note can never be the wrong thing to do, but is it optional and not expected anymore?   I don't want to be judgey or to have wrong expectations, so I would love it if you younger gals can chime in on why thank you notes are so often not mailed out for wedding and baby gifts?  Thanks for your input!! 

I’m 35 and think those people are lazy if they don’t send thank you’s. I just had my first baby this summer and if I received gifts a head of his birth I sent thank yous right away. Gifts that arrived after he was born took a lot longer but I did eventually send them. 

Definitely not outdated to expect a TY, and (IMO) it’s more important these days if you’re sending something to someone (ie not giving it in person) to let the sender know you received the present! 

banana468

They aren't outdated but I am seeing later or fewer. 

flantastic

I write TY notes now, but did not as a kid. I don't remember anyone ever sending us gifts from afar, and we just thanked them in person when we opened it and that was considered enough. (I'm 31, for reference.)

I definitely think there is a cohort of folks who don't even realize it's a thing. I didn't, before wedding planning. So I am not offended. I do think it should be common sense that as Banana says, you send one if you didn't get to see the giver, but not everyone has that common sense

ILoveBeachMusic

I agree with @flantastic. I thanked people in person as a child but didn't receive gifts in the mail - I'm old enough to be her mother. I have noticed that some people don't write thank you notes for gifts sent via mail. It should be common sense so that the giver knows that it was received and appreciated. I do get offended if I don't get a thank you note. I hope my grown children write them, but they are adults and make their own decisions. They were raised writing them because we lived far from family, and they received many gifts in the mail.

MyNameIsNot

I'm not under 30, but I'd find it rude if someone didn't send a thank you note. For what it's worth, I received a hand written thank you note from my 6 year old nephew for his last birthday gift. It's not totally lost. I've noticed that I'm receiving written notes more often now that we're in a pandemic and everything is drop off/mail. 

If you send a gift and don't receive a note, it's perfectly reasonable to reach out and confirm that the recipient did receive the gift.  

short+sassy

I'm not under 30 either, but it's not outdated to send thank you notes and it is rude to not send them.  Because courtesy never goes out of style.

While it would be rude in turn to point out someone's etiquette fail (not saying you were going to do that), it is appropriate and a good idea to follow up and make sure a gift was received. 

knottiecadc902b5680e8f6

You are right, I would never mention the lack of thank you note to the recipient or to anyone who knows them b/c me pointing it out would be more rude than them not sending one.  I've even hesitated to reach out to ask if they got wedding gift deliveries from their registry that I ordered from Target, Pottery Barn, etc b/c I am afraid they might take it that I am bringing attention to no thank you note.  You do hear of things getting lost in the mail or being delivered to the wrong house or arriving w/out the enclosure card showing who it is from, but I just cross my fingers that it got to the right place w/the gift enclosure card.   I know that not everyone sends out thank you notes for Christmas gifts, but for a big occasion like a shower or wedding, I just would have thought that anyone would know to handwrite thank you notes.  

Jen4948

I write thank-you notes although I'm over 30. It's always appropriate to treat others with respect and show gratitude for gifts.

I wouldn't mention not receiving a thank-you note to anyone who hasn't sent you one, but you can casually mention that you are wondering if they received your gift. And you are always free to erase a non-sender from future gift lists.

climbingsingle

Over 30, but IMO it's rude to not sent a thank you note. 

My SIL and her friends are all under 30. They all sent thank you notes for their showers, weddings, etc. 

ILoveBeachMusic

I definitely think it is rude, I just have noticed that fewer people send them. I have a friend that writes lovely thank you notes. Her sons also write the best thank you notes - have sent them house warming gifts, wedding and baby gifts. I know her sons have written them because of wording. They could teach a class in how to write a thank you note. My SIL also writes very good thank you notes. I was very impressed the first time we met him. He came for a holiday (minor) weekend and wrote a great note. It made quite the impression and H and I. LOL I'm sure that's what he intended!