Question

ecolombo24

 

maine7mob

First, relax. Neither one of you has to plan anything for the other. It may be the custom, but it is not the rule. You can be each other's MOH without planning a thing except for your own wedding.

The only thing that's required to get married is a wedding. The other things (showers, bachelor/ette, engagement parties) are really just extras. If you do want those extras, you really don't want someone who is a flaky, go-with-the-flow type planning them anyway, do you? Talk to your aunts, sisters, mother, other family members and get their advice. They may decide to take on one or more of these events for you, but it truly isn't the MOH's job to do it. She just needs to show up dressed and sober on your big day, and you need to do the same for her.

MobKaz

ecolombo24 said:

I chose my best friend to be my MOH for my wedding this June 2021. I’ve been engaged since November 2019 and originally had it planned for September 2020 but had to postpone due to Covid. My MOH got together with a guy this last summer of 2020 and they’ve decided to not only set their wedding date 3 weeks before mine, but they also want to have a 3 week honeymoon. When I asked my MOH how she would be able to plan my bachelorette and bridal parties if she’s going to be planning her wedding and then gone the weeks before mine, she said she would figure it out but didn’t give me any specific ideas as to how. The problem though is that she’s too much of a go-with-the-flow type person and I really need to know the specifics about what’s going to happen. This is really giving me a lot of anxiety. I’m happy for her that she’s going to get married but the fact that she’s not even engaged yet and she’s practically planning her wedding and honeymoon on top of mine is really stressing me out. Plus since I’m her MOH I will have to start planning her wedding parties while I’m still trying to plan my own wedding. What should I do?

Perhaps you could share bachelorette parties.  Neither of you is entitled to one as no one is under any obligation to host or plan anything.  Assuming anyone in your bridal party is responsible for planning and hosting parties on your behalf is a poor assumption. 

ILoveBeachMusic

Well for one thing if they have set a date, they are engaged so don't say they aren't engaged. PPs are right. No one is entitled to any parties. If someone offers to plan parties for you great! If not, then unfortunately you don't have them. Maybe one of your other bridesmaids will do it (don't ask though). If you don't feel like you have the time to plan her shower/bachelorette then don't offer to do them. If she asks you to do it, just tell her you don't have time while planning your own wedding. Also remember, everyone gets one day. She has every right to have her wedding whenever she wants just as you do. I hope everything works out for both of you.

MyNameIsNot

It was rude and presumptive of you to expect that she throw you parties. You aren't entitled to a shower or bach party, and she's not required to throw them. Those are optional gifts that she may choose to give you. 

You need an attitude adjustment. Pretending she's not engaged and comparing the duration of your relationships is just childish. Maybe work on figuring out why you feel the need to trash someone who is supposed to be your best friend. Sounds like a lot of insecurity on your part. 

Jen4948

ecolombo24 said:

I chose my best friend to be my MOH for my wedding this June 2021. I’ve been engaged since November 2019 and originally had it planned for September 2020 but had to postpone due to Covid. My MOH got together with a guy this last summer of 2020 and they’ve decided to not only set their wedding date 3 weeks before mine, but they also want to have a 3 week honeymoon. When I asked my MOH how she would be able to plan my bachelorette and bridal parties if she’s going to be planning her wedding and then gone the weeks before mine, she said she would figure it out but didn’t give me any specific ideas as to how. The problem though is that she’s too much of a go-with-the-flow type person and I really need to know the specifics about what’s going to happen. This is really giving me a lot of anxiety. I’m happy for her that she’s going to get married but the fact that she’s not even engaged yet and she’s practically planning her wedding and honeymoon on top of mine is really stressing me out. Plus since I’m her MOH I will have to start planning her wedding parties while I’m still trying to plan my own wedding. What should I do?

As we like to say, each married couple is entitled to one day. You get your wedding day; she gets hers. They could be one day apart or decades apart. But neither of you has any say over when the other gets married.

Neither of you has to plan a party for the other. It's not a duty. The only duties each of you has towards the other is to show up at the wedding on time, sober, and in good spirits in the designated outfit, process up and recess down the aisle, pose for some photos, and sign each other's marriage certificates as witnesses (and even the last is only a duty if you choose). But parties, shopping together, DIY projects, and anything else aren't requirements. They are just simply nice optional gestures.

Lower your expectations. It'll slow down your heartbeat and make things easier for both of you.

MesmrEwe

Make both of your lives easier and do a combined bach party a week before her wedding..  As others have mentioned, RELAX!  The only job either of you have for the other's event is to show up on the designated wedding day wearing the specified attire, smile for a few pictures, eat dinner, and have a great time.  Anything more than that is simply by choice, and stressing out over someone who is NOT a details person just seems like it'd be a waste of time and miserable to do, so plan on enjoying putting together the details and delegating it out to others (i.e. specifically vendors) to pull off!  The idea of MOH as a co-planner/event coordinator went out with the 80's, it's hard when that's the "ideal" what we've always been lead to believe to find out otherwise, but the best thing you can do is wish her well and enjoyment of the process as well as letting go of the need to control in details planning - delegate the work to the vendors so you can relax and enjoy the day instead of working until 10PM when you can look around and enjoy.  Hire the right people and even if you were to use 100% of the same vendors as your MOH with the same exact order, you'll still have two entirely different events!

ecolombo24