So, I got engaged about a month ago to my partner of almost 3 years. I am the last of my group of friends to get engaged/married.
one of my best friends, who I will call Brandon, has been frustrating me. I was in the wedding party at his wedding to his husband 5 years ago. They had a very non-traditional wedding where the wedding parties were not gendered, so I was a “groomsmaid”. Months prior to the wedding I spent hours a week rehearsing a choreographed dance routine the entire wedding party had to learn. They DIY-ed their entire wedding so I was up until midnight the night before helping them bake cupcakes for their wedding day. I was happy to do so because he’s such a dear friend to me and I felt honored to be asked to be in his wedding party.
One of the other members of his wedding party, who I will call Gina, was one of his best friends going back to childhood. She got married a few years later. Her wedding was very very traditional so she chose to have all women in her bridal party. She, instead, had Brandon as a groomsman and he made it very apparent he was hurt by this, as he expected to be “maid of honor” given their long friendship. She didn’t really involve him in the planning or picking out a venue, didn’t invite him to the bridal shower etc and it was a situation where I felt really bad for him. He told me that he hoped that when I got married I’d have him as maid of honor and involve him as much as possible.
So, I finally get engaged and he couldn’t seem less interested. The last time I saw him he went hours before he thought to congratulate me on the engagement. After that, it turned into an hour rant about how “horrible” his wedding went. I have noticed that him and his husband’s relationship seems to not be going great (every time I’ve seen them the past few years they get into very bad and uncomfortable arguments) and I can’t help but wonder if he’s a little jealous of my engagement.
Of course, with COVID I know things are very up in the air so who knows when it’ll happen, so maybe that plays a role in this and I understand. However, I am trying to reserve a venue for summer 2022 because I have a feeling things are going to get very very booked once things start to become more “normal” with all of the delayed weddings (I work in the wedding planning industry and have noticed!). I have tried so hard to involve him in picking out a venue and every time I’ve texted him like “oh look it this one!” I’ll get either no response or a “oh nice”. My fiancé and I have a tour scheduled at the venue I’m most interested in in three weeks (and tbh we may just put the deposit down that day if we love it in person) and I texted him asking if he wanted to come with us since he was so hurt when Gina didn’t ask him to do such when she got married, and he couldn’t even text back.
I know perhaps my wedding doesn’t seem the most “real” to him with it likely happening so far away from now...but I can’t help but feel hurt and a little resentful. No, he doesn’t owe me excitement...but I am simply trying to involve him in something he once told me he would desperately want to be involved in. It’s extra frustrating given the fact that people I’m nowhere near as close to are reaching out to me asking about my wedding while one of my best friends won’t even text me back. I am sort of second guessing even having him as “maid of honor” in the wedding because I can’t help but feel like he doesn’t want to be involved but then I worry that would hurt him like it did when Gina kept him out of the bridal party. I don’t know how to address this with him because I have a feeling he will get defensive. Idk what to do but my feelings are kinda hurt.