Just Engaged and Proposals

Engagement Ring Etiquette

So my fiancé proposed with a very simple, rose gold band with three very small diamonds that he had imported from my mother’s home country. I love it because it is very me and it means so much to me. My fiancé and I are far from rich and I didn’t want him spending money on something too extravagant. So, it’s a perfect ring.

A few weeks after the proposal my aunt (father’s side) reached out to me telling me she wanted to give me my grandmother’s engagement ring. It is the complete opposite of the ring my fiancé got me: it’s a big 3 karat diamond with a platinum setting. My grandfather (and his father and his father) were all jewelers so I believe it was made by my great-grandfather and it’s been appraised as pretty valuable. 

At first I was worried about saying yes because I was worried it would be disrespectful to my fiancé to receive it...but my fiancé told me he didn’t mind at all and when I asked the advice of my mother (on the other side of my family) they all agreed that I was being silly and I should be happy to receive such a special heirloom. I considered maybe keeping it somewhere safe and only wearing it on some occasions, but my mother pointed out that it’s always better to always have something of value like that on you at all times because keeping it at home runs the risk of it being lost or stolen. Further, my aunt told me she felt bad that she kept it on a safety deposit box and would rather it be owned by someone who will wear it. I considered wearing both rings together, possibly?

it is to arrive in a few days and my mother brought up that upon thinking about it it would be disrespectful of me to wear it since it’s so large compared to the ring my fiancé got me, and some other members of my mother’s family also agreed. I once again asked my fiancé if he was bothered and he again said he wasn’t upset at all...but my mother made a point to say that regardless it was a disrespect to him and that even if he didn’t say it bothered him it likely did.

So I find myself in a weird place where I feel like I can’t win for losing so to speak. If I don’t wear it I will feel like I seem ungrateful to my aunt and disrespectful to that part of my family. If I do wear it I worry I’ll seem disrespectful to my fiancé or seem materialistic. Is there a certain etiquette one is supposed to follow when they inherit an heirloom after getting engaged I am just not privy to?

Re: Engagement Ring Etiquette

  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'm not aware of etiquette surrounding this situation. However, I look at it this way. Your grandmother's ring isn't YOUR engagement ring. The ring your fiancé gave you is your engagement ring. You could wear your grandmother's ring on your other hand. I think it would look odd to wear them together on the same finger (if that is what you meant). I inherited my grandmother's wedding band (it was a band with two rows of small diamonds). I never wore it as my wedding band but wore it on my right hand.
    short+sassy
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Do YOU want to wear the ring? 

    Your FI has told you that he won't be bothered if you wear it. You have to trust that he means what he says (and if your mother is right and he's lying, that's a whole other problem.) If you want to wear it, wear it. Then put this to rest and stop asking all these opinions. At the end of the day, the only opinion that matters is yours.  
    charlotte989875
  • If YOU want to wear this ring I think you 100% need to trust your fiance when he tells you it wont' bother him - your mom truly does not get a vote at all.  Both rings sound beautiful and meaningful to you so do whatever YOU want to do.  My advice would be to wear both if you want, switch them out occasionally, or wear one on your right hand, and stop asking everyone else's opinion :)
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