Family RSVPs for Kids Not Invited

willitocera

A select few family members kids are invited to our wedding. The only reason any kids are invited is because my fiancé has a niece...meaning flower girl. The other kids invited are immediate family - all of like 6 kids. A second cousin and his wife were invited. The invite had JUST "Mr. and Mrs.______ ______" They RSVP'd for 5 including their 3 young children. My mom is telling me not to say anything because they're family, but we really want as few kids there as possible. I can't use the reason "no kids at all" because a handful of kids are invited. Do I still say something or just let it go? 

RSVPs are still coming in so we also don't know how many others aren't going to practice invitation etiquette. 

Jen4948

I think you should simply say to the cousin and his wife that you're sorry for any confusion, but his invitation was for himself and his wife only, and you won't be able to accommodate their kids at the wedding.

Casadena

What Jen said.  Just reach out and say something like "I'm sorry for any confusion but the invitation was just for you and spouse, we hope you can still make it!"

MyNameIsNot

You have to call them and set them straight. It's disappointing that they didn't read the invitation correctly, but that's not your fault or responsibility. You do not need to explain or apologize for not inviting their kids. You shouldn't let them get away with it, because its "unfair" to people who did read the invitation correctly. 

"Hi Cousin Joe. It seems that there was some confusion. The invitation was only for you and Sue. We aren't able to invite your kids. Will the two of you still be able to make it?" If they say they can't come without the kids, you say "that's disappointing, but we certainly understand. Hopefully we'll get to see each other over the summer instead." 

MesmrEwe

MyNameIsNot said:

You have to call them and set them straight. It's disappointing that they didn't read the invitation correctly, but that's not your fault or responsibility. You do not need to explain or apologize for not inviting their kids. You shouldn't let them get away with it, because its "unfair" to people who did read the invitation correctly. 

"Hi Cousin Joe. It seems that there was some confusion. The invitation was only for you and Sue. We aren't able to invite your kids. Will the two of you still be able to make it?" If they say they can't come without the kids, you say "that's disappointing, but we certainly understand. Hopefully we'll get to see each other over the summer instead." 

This!  Unless you plan on changing course with anyone else who also RSVP's their uninvited kids.  You made the decision to only have immediate sibling's kids, you made the line in the sand, this is part of having that line.  If the person is on your FI's side of the family remember "Blood talks to blood" so he gets to make that call if it's from his side of the family, you if it's your side of the family...

banana468

If you can't tell people no because they're family then you should have opened it to all of them by your mom's logic.

Do as the others said and apologize for the confusion and tell them that the invitation was to the two of them and not the kids. 

downtondiva

Being family is not an excuse to be inconsiderate - they were wrong to assume their kids were invited when you had not indicated that they were. Call them and explain that the invitations was only for the two of them and you hope they can still make it.

Frankly, I think you'll have more trouble with more people if you let this go, because other people with a similar relationship to you will wonder why these kids were invited but not theirs. If you keep it to the limit of immediate family, I don't think you'll have that problem.

willitocera

thank you everyone!!! I feel the solidarity lol