Wedding Woes

Classic: Why did you agree to this? (get the paternity test)

My wife and I have a female-led relationship. Before we got married, I agreed that she could “take other lovers,” while I would remain faithful to her alone. She said that she might not ever see anyone else, but she liked that I knew she could. Well, now she’s pregnant, and I’m wondering the obvious. We do have intercourse, but not often. She was away on business near the time she would have conceived. I don’t know whether she’s ever had another lover. I could have asked that before, but now I’m afraid of how it would come across. Should I ask, or just wait to see if the baby looks like me?

Re: Classic: Why did you agree to this? (get the paternity test)

  • What!? 

    I think LW has every right to say, "Based on the timing here there's a chance the baby isn't mine.  If that's the case I don't know that I signed on for you to have other lovers AND to parent their kids too."  

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    What? This is not how a healthy polyam relationship is supposed to work. If you're uncomfortable even asking her if she's had other partners, it isn't working. Also, WhyTF didn't this come up before you decided to have a baby? 

    Imma say divorce. 
  • Can we, as a society, just completely stop with all the BULLS**T of, "Baby/child looks like me, so they must be my kid (or) baby/child doesn't look like me, so I can't be the father."

    But, especially for the LW already having that attitude, it's better to get this out in the open now.  Maybe his wife has never utilized that option or didn't anywhere near the time of conception.  Or, if she has, I'd certainly HOPE that one of their rules is her partner has to wear a condom.

    Maybe the H in the other letter is the father, lol. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Who the baby looks like isn't the best indicator.  My babies looked like my dad.
  • I'm not big on the idea of a relationship being open for one partner but not the other, but to each their own. Anyway, LW has a right to know if wife's had other partners and if one of them might be the father. They should've talked a looooong time ago about what would happen in the case of pregnancy and whether she should take precautions to avoid pregnancy by other partners. I don't know much about poly relationships, but surely they require a degree of trust, and I don't see that here.
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