Ceremony/ Reception

knottiea4655547e522604c

Hello, so I’m having a difficult decision on deciding whether I want to have my ceremony the day before my wedding and then I have my reception on Friday. For the ceremony I was only going to keep it simple and just have my bridal party and close family members due to the fact that many don’t attend the ceremony regardless. The reason for this is obviously due to COVID-19 restrictions and also I am a migraine sufferer so I feel that if I have a really long day I will tend to stress myself out and not get to enjoy my reception, we are Catholic so I do want to follow the tradition of getting married at the church and my family priest is not on board on marrying outside the church. Do you guys think it’s a weird decision or it’s my wedding so I should just do whatever I please. 

short+sassy

I think it is a weird decision.  And, the moment you and your FI invite guests, it is no longer a day to "do what you please".  You need to be considerate to the feelings and needs of your guests.

The wedding ceremony is, by far, the most important part.  If you only invite people to the reception, you might have guests who choose not to travel at all.  For etiquette's sake, you would also need to keep the invites to the ceremony as only a fraction of those invited to the ceremony/reception.  For example, if it were half and half, then it becomes very tiered as to who made the "cut" and who didn't, which is a terrible way to make people feel.

For COVID risk sake, I also don't see much difference in having fewer people at the ceremony then the reception.  I'm inferring you'd be planning to have the reception outside?  However, a problem with that is you would need to have a contingency plan to move the reception indoors, in case of inclement weather.  Plus, even being outdoors doesn't eliminate risk of exposure.

I also wouldn't think that more/less people at the ceremony would affect your migraines.  But keeping the guest list limited for both the ceremony and reception potentially could.  Fewer guests=less cost and fewer things to worry about.  It's also fewer people that you and your FI would need to make your rounds and chat to, during the reception.

charlotte989875

knottiea4655547e522604c said:

Hello, so I’m having a difficult decision on deciding whether I want to have my ceremony the day before my wedding and then I have my reception on Friday. For the ceremony I was only going to keep it simple and just have my bridal party and close family members due to the fact that many don’t attend the ceremony regardless. The reason for this is obviously due to COVID-19 restrictions and also I am a migraine sufferer so I feel that if I have a really long day I will tend to stress myself out and not get to enjoy my reception, we are Catholic so I do want to follow the tradition of getting married at the church and my family priest is not on board on marrying outside the church. Do you guys think it’s a weird decision or it’s my wedding so I should just do whatever I please. 

It’s definitely weird and not cool to do that to your guests. A reception is a ‘thank you for coming to the ceremony, a party celebrating the wedding’ so If you invite people only to the reception you’re excluding them from the thing their actually there to celebrate. 

Whenever you involved guests you need to think about their feelings & comfort and not just “do whatever you please”. 

banana468

This is weird.  The reception (not wedding - the wedding is where you legally wed) is the thank you for attending. 

Ideally if you're in the planning phase then theoretically we should see restrictions and capacity increase.    

I think you have a few options:
-Have an EXTREMELY small wedding ceremony of you and your FI and your immediate families.  This would mean an extremely small bridal party as well.  Then your immediate reception would be just those guests.   Then the next day, host a larger party for all your guests.  This would NOT be a wedding reception but would be a wedding celebration of the previous day's events. 

The other option is to follow the more traditional protocol of inviting all to the ceremony with the reception immediately following. 

You are correct that for a wedding to be valid and Sacramental in the Catholic church it needs to be inside a Catholic church.  Plan around the timing that the church is available.  Your other option is to have the ceremony between meal times and host a very short reception.  

missJeanLouise

It seems odd, tbh. If I were you, I would have the small ceremony in the church with you family and bridal parties and then take them out for a meal afterwards (or have it catered to your home if covid restrictions make it not possible to all dine together). It doesn't even have to be super fancy, just a little something to say "Thanks for coming to our wedding". That would be your reception. 
If you still want to host a big party later on, you are certainly able to do so. But I think doing it the day after is weird. Like you are already splitting up the events, just do the party later when covid isn't such an issue. But definitely treat the people who do come to your wedding to a little something, it is just respectful.

ILoveBeachMusic

I agree that this does seem weird. Having a party the next day doesn't really address any Covid concerns since it would still be a larger group of people.  Tiered events like you are thinking about are not ok. People will have hurt feelings over not being invited to the ceremony (the most important part) unless it is truly just immediate family and a very small wedding party.

climbingsingle

Agree that it's weird. I wouldn't do this to my guests. 

MyNameIsNot

One of my cousins did this a few years ago. It didn't go well. I think they were trying to get around the 2:00 Saturday Mass thing, so they had their ceremony on Friday evening with close family and WP. Then they had the big reception on Saturday. People were confused and hurt to not be invited to the actual wedding, and didn't make as much effort to attend the party as they would have if they'd been invited to the main event. I didn't make the trip (although I would have to see her get married), and from what I heard many others didn't. It sounds like it was a nice dinner, but attendance was low and the mood was off.

That was all well before covid when crowds weren't an issue. Excluding people from your ceremony but then inviting them to a party the next day will do nothing to reduce covid risk. 

karenburton1305

I get your thinking but you may regret it - pkus you'll be exhausted for your actual wedding!

maine7mob

Your ceremony *IS* your wedding. The other thing is your reception. So have your wedding at your church and then do a cake and punch reception in the parish hall. Then, the next day, have a smaller party with family and close friends. But don't invite people only to the reception and not the wedding ceremony. That is hurtful and rude.

Yes, some folks blow off the Mass and just show up at the reception, but that is their choice. They are invited to both.

knottie415529b857d6b643

Don't listen to all of these people. This is totally normal and I have been to multiple receptions like this--particularly in light of COVID. Tell people you are having a "micro-wedding" due to COVID restrictions and concerns. Invite them to your reception, which you can have later. This is YOUR DAY. If that's what you and your fiance want, then do it. One of our friends (pre-COVID) had a very small wedding with just immediate family in October, then threw a large reception for all friends and family on New Years Eve. No one was offended. Just be clear about it. You might have some family members who are miffed, but they will get over it! Also--you could hire a photographer and videographer. My fiance's sister had her micro-wedding last August live streamed on Facebook. She's having her belated reception toward the end of this year. It's TOTALLY FINE.

ILoveBeachMusic

knottie415529b857d6b643 said:

Don't listen to all of these people. This is totally normal and I have been to multiple receptions like this--particularly in light of COVID. Tell people you are having a "micro-wedding" due to COVID restrictions and concerns. Invite them to your reception, which you can have later. This is YOUR DAY. If that's what you and your fiance want, then do it. One of our friends (pre-COVID) had a very small wedding with just immediate family in October, then threw a large reception for all friends and family on New Years Eve. No one was offended. Just be clear about it. You might have some family members who are miffed, but they will get over it! Also--you could hire a photographer and videographer. My fiance's sister had her micro-wedding last August live streamed on Facebook. She's having her belated reception toward the end of this year. It's TOTALLY FINE.

This is bad advice. The OP was talking about addressing Covid restrictions. Having a party the next day after a ceremony doesn't address Covid restrictions. Throwing a party later is fine as long as people know you are already married and you aren't calling it a wedding. The reception is what immediately follows the ceremony. And family members don't always get over it so if their feelings are important to you, you should keep that in mind. Postponing celebrations due to Covid is understandable but call it what it is - a celebration, not a wedding.

MobKaz

knottie415529b857d6b643 said:

Don't listen to all of these people. This is totally normal and I have been to multiple receptions like this--particularly in light of COVID. Tell people you are having a "micro-wedding" due to COVID restrictions and concerns. Invite them to your reception, which you can have later. This is YOUR DAY. If that's what you and your fiance want, then do it. One of our friends (pre-COVID) had a very small wedding with just immediate family in October, then threw a large reception for all friends and family on New Years Eve. No one was offended. Just be clear about it. You might have some family members who are miffed, but they will get over it! Also--you could hire a photographer and videographer. My fiance's sister had her micro-wedding last August live streamed on Facebook. She's having her belated reception toward the end of this year. It's TOTALLY FINE.

Being invited to several receptions "like this" does not mean it is normal.  It means you have friends who chose to "do what they wanted" which was poor hospitality. 

2knottiea4655547e522604c said, "....... my family priest is not on board on marrying outside the church."  It has nothing to do with "being on board".  It is part of the Sacramental Rite that the Nuptial Mass be held within the walls of the church. 

forevermarriedbrainshadia

I wouldn't advise anyone to go against their religion. I understand that you are sick but you should cut the time for your wedding in half. That way you will have time to rest and get everything you what done for your wedding completed. Party time is not more important then your health and wedding.