Wedding Woes

I have so many questions for such a short letter.

Dear Prudence,

A longtime friend recently told me that he and his wife lied about being essential workers back in December in order to skip the vaccine line. My friend is young, healthy, wealthy, and able to work remotely. Needless to say, my fiancé and I are horrified. I don’t want to write off our friendship entirely, but I have lost respect for him, and it is hard to see what will change that. Should we tell him not to come to our wedding, for which he was already invited?

—Vaccine Scofflaw

knottiedd2871782c0739c4

Re: I have so many questions for such a short letter.

  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    So there’s a doctor on my local news who advocates doing what ever you can to get the vaccine. He said everyone needs to get it. This letter reminds me of this doctors mindset.  I don’t agree with it - I think the hardest hit should be first in line, but I wouldn’t end a friendship over it.

    charlotte989875MesmrEwe
  • Vaccine rollout has been such a disaster in this country & depending where you are you might not be eligible for months. What they did is wrong but at the same time I get why they did it. 

    If you don’t want to write them off then don’t disinvite them from your wedding because that’s a sure fire way to end a friendship. 
    STARMOON44mrsconn23GBCK
  • IDK why these friends told the LW what they did.  I also don't know why LW and FI didn't express their 'horror' at the time they were told.

    But I'm so tired of hearing the shaming of 'young and healthy' people getting the vaccine.  IT'S KILLING YOUNG AND HEALTHY PEOPLE!!!  Also, vaccine line jumping is happening ALL over the place.  Furthermore, the rollout for the 'oldest' people first vs. the 'most vulnerable' is kinda racist, since the highest number of deaths is coming from groups with the lowest average age range.  But I also know the line jumping is being done by the most privileged people, so...

    LW needs to climb off their fucking high horse IMO.  They are probably going to jump to get one as soon as they can.  It's not like they're going wait until 'everyone else' can get it before they do.  And also, they're planning a large group gathering while there is a pandemic going on.  Unless they sent out invites 6 months in advance, they're getting married before the majority of the population can gain access to vaccination.  Their friends did them a solid in a sense because it's two people they don't have worry about getting it from the super spreader event being planned. 

    If they rescind the invite, the friendship will be over whether or not that's the intent. 
    charlotte989875VarunaTTCasadena
  • CasadenaCasadena member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Was it necessarily the right thing for these friends to do?  No.  But is it that big a deal?  IMO, also no.  They're vaccinated, that's a good things.  Hopefully everyone who wants to be will be vaccinated in the next 6 months.  Get over yourself LW.  If you don't want to "jump the line" don't, but I dont' think you should vilify anyone who tries/does. 

    As an aside: don't you have to prove you're an essential worker?  My company sent out certified letters to all individual employees stating we were deemed essential and outlining our industry for use when signing up?  I'm in IL, maybe it's just here, but I feel like it would be hard for someone to fully "jump the line" like that?  
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This is not something I'd end a friendship over. 

    Casadenamrsconn23charlotte989875MesmrEwe
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Casadena said:
    Was it necessarily the right thing for these friends to do?  No.  But is it that big a deal?  IMO, also no.  They're vaccinated, that's a good things.  Hopefully everyone who wants to be will be vaccinated in the next 6 months.  Get over yourself LW.  If you don't want to "jump the line" don't, but I dont' think you should vilify anyone who tries/does. 

    As an aside: don't you have to prove you're an essential worker?  My company sent out certified letters to all individual employees stating we were deemed essential and outlining our industry for use when signing up?  I'm in IL, maybe it's just here, but I feel like it would be hard for someone to fully "jump the line" like that?  
    I just found out today that a person I know jumped the line because she knew someone who works with the task force on vaccines here in Indiana. She isn't considered an essential worker and her age group just opened yesterday. Apparently she didn't have to show any kind of proof that she was eligible for the vaccine. It rubs me the wrong way that she did this (she had her's before my H could get his) but I wouldn't stop seeing her for her professional services - she's an aesthetician. 
    charlotte989875
  • CasadenaCasadena member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Casadena said:
    Was it necessarily the right thing for these friends to do?  No.  But is it that big a deal?  IMO, also no.  They're vaccinated, that's a good things.  Hopefully everyone who wants to be will be vaccinated in the next 6 months.  Get over yourself LW.  If you don't want to "jump the line" don't, but I dont' think you should vilify anyone who tries/does. 

    As an aside: don't you have to prove you're an essential worker?  My company sent out certified letters to all individual employees stating we were deemed essential and outlining our industry for use when signing up?  I'm in IL, maybe it's just here, but I feel like it would be hard for someone to fully "jump the line" like that?  
    I just found out today that a person I know jumped the line because she knew someone who works with the task force on vaccines here in Indiana. She isn't considered an essential worker and her age group just opened yesterday. Apparently she didn't have to show any kind of proof that she was eligible for the vaccine. It rubs me the wrong way that she did this (she had her's before my H could get his) but I wouldn't stop seeing her for her professional services - she's an aesthetician. 
    Yeah, i feel like that is something that would annoy me if the person who did it already annoys me.  But honestly I don't think I'd get that upset if someone I knew got the vaccine out of turn.  Everyone is at risk and everyone should get it.  Anyone getting vaccinated is a win in my book. 
    mrsconn23charlotte989875
  • One of my friends 'jumped the line' because she knew someone working in a vaccine clinic and that person let her know she'd call her if there were 'end of day' doses left that would have otherwise been discarded.  She has an underlying condition and can be put on chemo drugs if it gets out of control.  My friend kept it under wraps because she knew the optics no matter what. 

    However since the rollout has been so disjointed in how it's been handled, I have no judgement for anyone who gets jabbed.  I don't even question it.  Those doses need to be put in arms as fast as possible. 
    charlotte989875STARMOON44CasadenaMNNEBride
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I have no problem with people getting end of the day doses. I really don't have a problem with people in Indiana jumping the line (just a bit of a side eye) since I don't know of anyone who hasn't been able to get an appointment who should. However, in other states where I hear people can't get appointments (there was an 80 year old woman this morning on the news who hasn't been able to in FL) that is when I'd be pissed. I felt so sorry for that woman on the news because she and her husband have underlying conditions (other than age) and haven't been able to get appointments after waiting for hours. It seems like it is who you know or who you are - again privilege as you said @mrsconn23.
    mrsconn23short+sassy
  • edited March 4
    I think you should seriously talk to a friend and put an ultimatum!


  • I totally understand why this bothers you, and what your friend did is wrong (I don't have a problem with someone taking the opportunity to get vaccinated if it's presented, but I don't like the lying). However, uninviting him from your wedding is a drastic move, and one that basically says that you don't want him in your life anymore. If you don't want to write off the friendship, telling him not to come to your wedding is not an option. 

    That said, you can still keep your distance for a while or let the friendship cool a bit if you don't feel comfortable with him and what he did.
    image
  • kvrunskvruns member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    The lying is icky to me. It's one thing to get one at the end of the day or to use your connections to be able to get one, but to straight up lie and say you're an essential worker I don't like. I wouldn't disinvite from the wedding because I'm non-confrontational like that, and I wouldn't end a friendship over it,  but I would probably side eye you hard and sort of distance myself
    MNNEBridecharlotte989875short+sassy
  • The lying is wrong. But I just got my first dose this morning and no one is checking proof of eligibility (at least here). So we’re basically on the honor system here and people want a vaccine that will keep them from dying. It sucks but that’s where we are. 
    mrsconn23
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Yes, IL is the same, with the honor system.  I’m registred and on a few alert lists but I’m also in the category they just opened up a few weeks ago. I just can’t get an appointment!

    Casadena
  • I have no idea what it is here regarding verification/paperwork.  I'm waiting for my age group to be opened up.  DH actually could go to the VA and get it because he's a veteran from IN.  It came out this week that any veteran can sign up to get it.  IDK what he's going to do, but he seemed interested when I told him. 

    I also know a lot of people who have been WAH that are in admin/managerial jobs that are considered 'essential' and have gotten vaccinated even though they'll still be home for at least a few more months. But I think that's been through their employer vs. the health dept. 

    I think it's dumb that LW's friends lied to jump the line, and even more stupid that they're advertising this.  But they didn't technically do anything illegal and the hope is that eventually everyone will be vaccinated ASAP.  FFS, LW is glossing over their own damn wedding which is honestly far more of a risk to more people than two people getting vaccinated 'early'. 

    There's been a lot of moral policing around COVID that's getting tiring.  I'm sure people have judged my choices.  I try really hard not to be too judgey of decisions of other people.  This is a pandemic.  It was handled poorly from the jump by leadership and we're so far behind that 8 ball that all of our hopes are pinned on these vaccinations.  Everyone is just trying to make it through.  
    charlotte989875
  • The lying is wrong. But I just got my first dose this morning and no one is checking proof of eligibility (at least here). So we’re basically on the honor system here and people want a vaccine that will keep them from dying. It sucks but that’s where we are. 
    MS isn't checking proof of eligibility either.  At least not for medical conditions, though I can't speak for their other categories.

    It didn't say you needed to bring anything, other than ID and the appointment notice (it had a bar code).  I double-checked I had my glucometer and insulin on me, just to have something to back up that I had an eligible medical condition.  I usually have that stuff on me anyway, but it wasn't necessary for them.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    mrsconn23
  • CasadenaCasadena member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Yes, IL is the same, with the honor system.  I’m registred and on a few alert lists but I’m also in the category they just opened up a few weeks ago. I just can’t get an appointment!
    People on our Nextdoor app keep recommending joining the Facebook Group "Chicago Vaccine Hunters".  They regularly post where big block of appointments are opening and if you don't mind going a little out of your way, it seems like people around us have had luck finding something!
  • kvrunskvruns member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    @mrsconn23 I don't think there is any checking here. There wasn't at the site I volunteered at though I can't speak for others, it is just the attestation you agree to when registering online.  A friend in NJ was denied even though she was eligible - the site required proof and her's wasn't sufficient enough even though she was eligible, so frustrating. 
    mrsconn23
  • kvruns said:
    @mrsconn23 I don't think there is any checking here. There wasn't at the site I volunteered at though I can't speak for others, it is just the attestation you agree to when registering online.  A friend in NJ was denied even though she was eligible - the site required proof and her's wasn't sufficient enough even though she was eligible, so frustrating. 
    The big NJ sites do not require proof, but many of the smaller ones require proof of something. 
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    kvruns said:
    @mrsconn23 I don't think there is any checking here. There wasn't at the site I volunteered at though I can't speak for others, it is just the attestation you agree to when registering online.  A friend in NJ was denied even though she was eligible - the site required proof and her's wasn't sufficient enough even though she was eligible, so frustrating. 
    As far as essential workers are concerned, I don't know what they require either. I just got home from getting my first shot. They checked my driver's license to verify I was the correct age, I guess. It was pretty smooth checking in and getting the vaccine. I was home within an hour of when I left, and I went to Meijer about 20 minutes away from where I live.
    mrsconn23short+sassycharlotte989875
  • kvruns said:
    @mrsconn23 I don't think there is any checking here. There wasn't at the site I volunteered at though I can't speak for others, it is just the attestation you agree to when registering online.  A friend in NJ was denied even though she was eligible - the site required proof and her's wasn't sufficient enough even though she was eligible, so frustrating. 
    As far as essential workers are concerned, I don't know what they require either. I just got home from getting my first shot. They checked my driver's license to verify I was the correct age, I guess. It was pretty smooth checking in and getting the vaccine. I was home within an hour of when I left, and I went to Meijer about 20 minutes away from where I live.
    "Essential workers" is such a weird category anyway.  Most people picture "public-facing" jobs, like helping customers at grocery stores and fast food/restaurants.  But "essential worker" is an incredibly broad category of businesses, many of whom have employees that don't work with the public, as well as employees WFH.

    Although they aren't eligible yet, for "upcoming tiers" Louisiana gives very specific (by industry and job) guidelines on which essential workers are qualified to get the vaccine sooner.  Basically, workers whose jobs require them to interact with the public.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    ILoveBeachMusic
  • CasadenaCasadena member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    kvruns said:
    @mrsconn23 I don't think there is any checking here. There wasn't at the site I volunteered at though I can't speak for others, it is just the attestation you agree to when registering online.  A friend in NJ was denied even though she was eligible - the site required proof and her's wasn't sufficient enough even though she was eligible, so frustrating. 
    As far as essential workers are concerned, I don't know what they require either. I just got home from getting my first shot. They checked my driver's license to verify I was the correct age, I guess. It was pretty smooth checking in and getting the vaccine. I was home within an hour of when I left, and I went to Meijer about 20 minutes away from where I live.
    "Essential workers" is such a weird category anyway.  Most people picture "public-facing" jobs, like helping customers at grocery stores and fast food/restaurants.  But "essential worker" is an incredibly broad category of businesses, many of whom have employees that don't work with the public, as well as employees WFH.

    Although they aren't eligible yet, for "upcoming tiers" Louisiana gives very specific (by industry and job) guidelines on which essential workers are qualified to get the vaccine sooner.  Basically, workers whose jobs require them to interact with the public.
    This is H and me.  Technically we are essential workers in the brooooooad industry categories of "agriculture" and "insurance".  He works from home always, and I can for the foreseeable future.  We're eligible in the upcoming round of "essential, non-front line workers". 
    charlotte989875
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards