Don't want a big reception, would it be wrong to leave after brunch for a concert?

knottieeb9d9ee9086965f5

We want a small wedding and don't want to spend the money on a big reception for people we hardly see. We are both in our 30's 2 kids, mortgage and have been together about 15 years. I would like some elements of a "traditional" wedding - closest friends and family (20 or so)  but we are having trouble thinking of what to do for after, so here's the plans so far - wedding at local city hall, wedding dress, suits photographer etc etc, nice venue for brunch, speeches, spending time with our nearest and dearest but we are at a loss of what to do after? would it be weird to leave for a concert we have been waiting 2 years to go to? or even flying to London that afternoon to do our own thing? part of me loves the idea and part of me feels like i might be missing out on the whole wedding day shebang? OH would prefer to miss the whole big reception but is happy to go with whatever i decide.

charlotte989875

knottieeb9d9ee9086965f5 said:

we only live about an hours flight to London and 30 mins from the airport, the OH has suggested we book The Savoy for dinner that evening and possibly a stay over, my parents would go with us and just stay in a different hotel that night with the kids, we are quite close to both parents so don't mind who tags along we feel we've been together long enough that quality family time now means more. I'm just so torn between the big reception and spending our money actually going somewhere and making memories over a period away? I'm not sure if I'm just thinking because the full wedding is tradition i should be doing it, we aren't big party goers and OH keeps saying 10k for one day?? think about where we could go, see and do with that money ?? help

I think dinner at the Savoy and a getaway sounds lovely! Only you will know if you want a big party or evening party reception. If you’re not big on large parties I think what you’ve laid out sounds great! You’ll have traditional elements and host your guests well, but then you’ll get to spend some time together, just the two of you. 

My H wanted to elope, or have a small wedding the later host just a regular party after we were married. I (plus my parents who were paying) insisted on the large party, and while it was fun and beautiful, looking back I would have preferred us taking a nice trip somewhere together. Or eloping and just coming back married. 

ei34

knottieeb9d9ee9086965f5 said:

We want a small wedding and don't want to spend the money on a big reception for people we hardly see. We are both in our 30's 2 kids, mortgage and have been together about 15 years. I would like some elements of a "traditional" wedding - closest friends and family (20 or so)  but we are having trouble thinking of what to do for after, so here's the plans so far - wedding at local city hall, wedding dress, suits photographer etc etc, nice venue for brunch, speeches, spending time with our nearest and dearest but we are at a loss of what to do after? would it be weird to leave for a concert we have been waiting 2 years to go to? or even flying to London that afternoon to do our own thing? part of me loves the idea and part of me feels like i might be missing out on the whole wedding day shebang? OH would prefer to miss the whole big reception but is happy to go with whatever i decide.

As long as your guests are properly hosted for the time of day, you can do whatever you like after your reception.  

MyNameIsNot

This is completely fine. If you're doing a morning ceremony followed by brunch, whether there are 20 or 200 guests, people would expect it to wrap up by early afternoon. You're free to do anything you want after the reception and aren't expected to keep entertaining all day.

I will say that I probably wouldn't plan to leave on a long trip that day. I had an evening wedding, but we left early the next morning. The last few days before the wedding were busy, and it meant that we had to add packing and preparing to be gone for two weeks into the mix. If I were in your shoes, I'd probably go to the concert and then hop a flight a few days later. 

Casadena

I agree with PP's and wouldn't expect to be hosted beyond the brunch portion.  I think it's totally fine to do your own thing later that day!  

banana468

If you have a brunch-time ceremony and feed your guests brunch I don't care if your post-reception events consists of naked hula dancing.  You upheld your end of the bargain and get that time for yourselves. 

knottieeb9d9ee9086965f5

we only live about an hours flight to London and 30 mins from the airport, the OH has suggested we book The Savoy for dinner that evening and possibly a stay over, my parents would go with us and just stay in a different hotel that night with the kids, we are quite close to both parents so don't mind who tags along we feel we've been together long enough that quality family time now means more. I'm just so torn between the big reception and spending our money actually going somewhere and making memories over a period away? I'm not sure if I'm just thinking because the full wedding is tradition i should be doing it, we aren't big party goers and OH keeps saying 10k for one day?? think about where we could go, see and do with that money ?? help

short+sassy

knottieeb9d9ee9086965f5 said:

we only live about an hours flight to London and 30 mins from the airport, the OH has suggested we book The Savoy for dinner that evening and possibly a stay over, my parents would go with us and just stay in a different hotel that night with the kids, we are quite close to both parents so don't mind who tags along we feel we've been together long enough that quality family time now means more. I'm just so torn between the big reception and spending our money actually going somewhere and making memories over a period away? I'm not sure if I'm just thinking because the full wedding is tradition i should be doing it, we aren't big party goers and OH keeps saying 10k for one day?? think about where we could go, see and do with that money ?? help

I'm biased because I had a fairly, small intimate wedding (35 people), though it was in the early evening and not at brunch time.  I loved it that way and have never regretted the choice.  Both my H and I were like your husband.  We didn't want to spend a big chunk of change on a one day party.  My mom ended up paying for most of it, but it cost around $5K and we could have cut that expense down even more if we had wanted to without sacrificing guest comfort and fun.

It was also more relaxing to plan and less overwhelming to be at.  Probably the biggest difference from a more traditional, larger wedding is we didn't have space for dancing.  As such, we didn't hire a DJ and, instead, just put an Ipad on with our song list.  We did have plenty of room for tables and chairs for sitting and eating (a must for properly hosting guests).  At the reception, it was few enough people that my H and I could have real conversations with our nearest and dearest, instead of only having time to spend a few minutes with each guest.

If you and your FI truly want a good-sized reception, then do that.  But if you only feel like you should do it, but don't necessarily have the desire yourself.  Then don't!  There is nothing wrong in only inviting people you are closest to (and their significant other, if applicable).

Jen4948

As long as you provide hospitality to your guests that's acceptable for the time of day your wedding concludes, you're good to go. It doesn't have to be big, lavish or even "traditional." You can go to a concert after your reception or do whatever you would like. And you need not invite anyone you aren't truly close to, as long as you invite couples together.

MesmrEwe

banana468 said:

If you have a brunch-time ceremony and feed your guests brunch I don't care if your post-reception events consists of naked hula dancing.  You upheld your end of the bargain and get that time for yourselves. 

This!!!!