Dear Prudence,
I’ve known this particular man for two years. He’s broken things off with me twice. He is still married. I met him on a dating site, and since the beginning he has maintained that he is separated from his wife, but they still live together. He says they established a “separation agreement” last year and that he moved into the basement apartment of their house. I’ve never been there.
The first time we dated, he canceled on me to be with his wife because she was upset because he recently told her he was “done” with the marriage. He has continued to do things for his wife the past two years, but he says he doesn’t do as much for her now and that they live separate lives. The second time we broke up because he felt like he was depressed, told me he needed time to sort his mind out, and said he needed to go back to therapy.
It’s now several months later. We’ve texted, and he says he thinks about me every day, and when he feels ready for a relationship I “will naturally come to mind.” He wants to regain my trust and to show me that he has changed before ultimately letting me decide if I want to be with him or not. I find his proposal preposterous, like he is selling a product. The two times he was the one who broke things off, and now he is trying to make it seem as if he is giving me the final say. We had a recent argument relating to his being there for his wife (again). This time it’s because she is upset about their aging family dog. I was not pleased. I told him that we should stop communicating for now until he sort things out in his head and life. Am I overreacting? Why is it so difficult to get over him?
—Relationship Roller Coaster