Distant Fiancée

knottie6f16d129f256215b

So I have known since the moment I met my fiancée that she was the one for me. She is perfect in every way and is so good for me. There is not a thing that I would not do for her. I help plan the wedding and help with anything when it comes to it. Recently, we have been looking at houses and planning the wedding and she gets overwhelmed. She told me that she no longer thinks that she can get married. She said she doesn't know why either. She said we get along good, we have the same goals and dreams and we love doing the same things. She even told me that I would make a great husband. She just kept telling me that she is having doubts about the marriage, and is waiting for some moment of assurance to know that she wants to get married. Now she is being distant and not acting the same. She still plans to buy a home with me and we are still looking at houses. But she rarely mentions the wedding. I need help on what to do. Is this normal? 

charlotte989875

knottie6f16d129f256215b said:

So I have known since the moment I met my fiancée that she was the one for me. She is perfect in every way and is so good for me. There is not a thing that I would not do for her. I help plan the wedding and help with anything when it comes to it. Recently, we have been looking at houses and planning the wedding and she gets overwhelmed. She told me that she no longer thinks that she can get married. She said she doesn't know why either. She said we get along good, we have the same goals and dreams and we love doing the same things. She even told me that I would make a great husband. She just kept telling me that she is having doubts about the marriage, and is waiting for some moment of assurance to know that she wants to get married. Now she is being distant and not acting the same. She still plans to buy a home with me and we are still looking at houses. But she rarely mentions the wedding. I need help on what to do. Is this normal? 

I’m sorry this is happening! I would recommend doing some pre-marital counseling (or general couples counseling). Some doubts are certainly normal but changes in her behavior or attitude toward your sounds more than wondering if marriage is “right”. I’d also say moments of doubt are normal, but not have any positive feelings toward the marriage doesn’t seem common to me. 

knottie6f16d129f256215b

She was excited and loved planning it at first. Our whole wedding is already paid for. And a couple of weeks ago, she starting having the doubts.

climbingsingle

Get yourselves into couples therapy ASAP. 

MyNameIsNot

Counselling, stat. It could be simple anxiety, or it could be that she has some real concerns that she's not able to vocalize. Marriage is hard, learning to trust and communicate is hard. You can work through this together, but it's important to reach out for help when you're stuck. 

knottie6f16d129f256215b

I've mentioned going to counseling to her, and she is against it. 

MyNameIsNot

This is going to sound harsh, but don't marry someone who refuses counseling.

Every marriage has highs and lows and every couple will go through rough patches. If she's not willing to put in the work now, while things are good and this is relatively minor, she's probably not going to show up for you when you have a real low. 

banana468

MyNameIsNot said:

This is going to sound harsh, but don't marry someone who refuses counseling.

Every marriage has highs and lows and every couple will go through rough patches. If she's not willing to put in the work now, while things are good and this is relatively minor, she's probably not going to show up for you when you have a real low. 

All of this.  

I would not enter into any kind of partnership with someone who can't tell me where the relationship stands.  That means both marriage AND buying a home. 

climbingsingle

knottie6f16d129f256215b said:

I've mentioned going to counseling to her, and she is against it. 

Do not marry this person. Or buy a house with them. Seriously. 

forevermarriedbrainshadia

1. Very well written. 2.Thank you for sharing most men dont. 3. Just hang in their with your beautiful wife. 4. And my God bless you all on your wedding day.