Involving Siblings with Intellectual Disabilities

knottieb372ede43979d704

Hi there! Without going into too much detail, my younger brother and sister both have mild to moderate intellectual disabilities. Those disabilities don't have a name, like autism, so it's hard to explain what exactly they struggle with. I want to involve them in the wedding, and they want to be involved, but I can't think of a good way to include them that is stress free, both for me and for them. My brother, for example, is an older teenager who requires very consistent supervision, something I don't want to fall to my parents on the day of. He wants to attend because I'm his big sister, but he thinks weddings are boring and kisses are gross!
So grateful for your help.

Jen4948

Are they able to do readings, sing or play music? If they can't do performances in front of a crowd, can you record them and then do playbacks during your ceremony or reception?

Can you invite a friend or distant relative as a "plus one", so to speak, of your brother who can give him the attention he needs? The same for your sister?

short+sassy

I would tailor it to what they might like to do and feel confident and comfortable to do on the day of.

The only roles in a wedding, other than bride/groom/officiant, are to be in the wedding party or a reader.  Or, as @Jen4948 mentioned, part of the music.  Really young children, like 3-6 years old, can also be flower girls and ring bearers.

And, honestly, if either your brother or your sister don't want to be in the wedding other then to attend, that's fine also.  They could still be treated like the VIPs they are, such as being part of the processional and/or being given corsages.

maine7mob

How do your parents care for your brother when they are at work? I'm assuming that they have him in some kind of school with an aftercare program since you say he needs constant supervision. Maybe you could hire one of his caregivers to assist him and ensure that he has a good time? Treat the caregiver as an invited guest (with a place at the table, etc.), but also pay them. Even with an arrangement like this, your siblings could still participate in the wedding in whatever role works for you all.