Thursday!

mrsconn23

Prudie day!!! 

OMG, I've finally been able to restart work on the baby blanket I'm stitching for DH's cousin's baby.  I need to hurry up because the baby is due in June and also, my older sis's SIL is pregnant.  SIL is close to our family because BIL's family kinda sucks, so we treat her like a 4th sister. Therefore, I now have another project to find and start as soon as this one is done.  I'm waiting for nursery theme info so I can find the right project.  

We're getting excited for our trip to the AF museum this weekend for DefConn's bday.  I can't wait to see my nephews!!  

I canceled my day off for tomorrow.  I'm still going to get a long weekend by being off on Monday, but we're not doing anything tomorrow and work is so slammed (which we gave our boss an earful in our team meeting yesterday...and it's not her fault, but the grievances needed to be aired).  I'd rather take the time off this summer or when I (or we) have something fun planned. DH and I are talking about a weekend trip sometime this year for just the two of us or with friends.  

It's ALMOST Friday! 

MissKittyDanger

I feel like I've gotten so much accomplished and it's not even 10:30!

M did morning drop off and I booked to be a bit late to work to give myself a bit of time to deal with some of our garage. There's a few large items we cannot get to in order to toss, but that's really not the end of the world. One item I may try to sell - it's a really good sized filing cabinet but we don't need it.
But M has a ton of recycling for next week.


We've also been loosely discussing a few things
- based on scheduling, I'm hoping to not do constant day camps for BK when she's out for summer at least until she's in grade 1 {and adjust with vacations so she isn't constantly in them}
This isn't until 2023, but I know IL's will need extra time as they work in the courts. MIL might be retired by then so it might be easier.
My mum has said that if she knows with enough time, she could probably do 2 weeks - I mentioned 1 week can be fine if that's better for budget.


Also next year we are planning a fair room makeover for BK
This summer we're dropping the side of crib, but getting new bed next year.
M & I both agreed this ikea one is best {storage was really the seller}

SLÄKT Bed frame w/pull-out bed + storage - white - IKEA

We're probably doing one of those mattresses you order. They aren't cheap so we're trying to figure what would be the best places to spend vs save.

I love ruggable, but I'm torn between spending the money on a rug or accent wall.
I think BK will go for this accent wall - but she is going to have her say in things.

BIG MOOD Pink Edition | WALL BLUSH

Jstump2

Today is my oldest daughters 5th birthday! All the mom feels! I had thought about taking a vacation day today but my H is off and they are doing something fun with the kids. Good thing I didn't because my coworker called in sick and we are crazy busy. I need to run out at lunch and grab some cupcakes. My parents are coming over Saturday to celebrate.

Waiting to hear back from our realtor on a possible house lead before it hits the market, keeping my fingers crossed because location is awesome!

charlotte989875

Finally Thursday!! I’ve thought it was Thursday since yesterday morning. The weather is still beautiful here and it’s such a mood booster. Seasonal depression is real y’all. 

I’m annoyed at work; more specifically I’m annoyed at people questioning things at work. Probably a sign of some burnout and that I need a break. But also- how about if you’re not actually involved in a project you don’t “suggest” something that I’ve ruled out without considered I thought about that and rejected it for a good reason. 

CharmedPam

Do you mean the purple mattress @MissKittyDanger? Annoying coworker just bought one so if/when she comes back I’ll have to ask her. If M ever moves in, we’ll need the sleep number. I need a soft cloud and he needs a hard rock.  While we’re compatible with pineapple pizzas, we aren’t with mattresses apparently. 

Happy 5th to DD @jstump2! 5 is a fantasic age.  Enjoy!

SSDD for me.  Waiting on my food order so that’s pretty exciting.

mrsconn23

Happy birthday to DD @Jstump2! 

And yes, 5 is a great age.  Late 4's to about 9 is my favorite kid ages.  They're more and more independent, can be taught to listen, and also funny as hell with the stuff they come up with. 

MissKittyDanger

@CharmedPam We keep looking at Endy but yes. Purple, Casper, etc are on our list. We wanna get ourselves a new mattress soon from same brand, so we figure we'll be a good tester

Jstump2

Oh yes, she is a practical comedian @mrsconn23. She has recently started telling "Jokes" that make no sense but she thinks are hysterical. I also about died the other day when she asked me where she was before she was in my tummy. I started trying to explain in an age-appropriate way that she grew in my tummy the way a flower grows from a seed. She told me "this story is weird, I don't want you to talk about it anymore. LOL!

ei34

Ugh that’s annoying about the “suggestions” @charlotte989875
Happy bday to DD @Jstump2

My sister and nephew’s covid quarantine is over, but my BIL’s grandmother passed away last night. She was one of the handful of BIL family members who was positive and has been in the hospital this whole time.  BIL is finally feeling a bit annoyed at his brother and SIL who haven’t taken the virus seriously this whole year and gave it to everyone.  Sister’s MIL is a wreck and told my sis and BIL she may need to move in woth them for a few weeks 😳

My lawyer sent me a visitation spreadsheet to fill out.  It’s a lot.  Trying to figure out how to split up school breaks, holidays, etc.  I requested sole custody and H is in full agreement but he obviously needs visitation.  But actually reflecting on it is hard.  

mrsconn23

ei34 said:

My lawyer sent me a visitation spreadsheet to fill out.  It’s a lot.  Trying to figure out how to split up school breaks, holidays, etc.  I requested sole custody and H is in full agreement but he obviously needs visitation.  But actually reflecting on it is hard.  

Giving advice from what my divorced friends have done.

Think about in a 'year on, year off' situation.  This year he gets X holidays and the next year you get them for those holidays and then split them up as 'evenly' as possible (take Christmas Eve/Christmas Day, one year they're at your place Christmas morning, the next year it's 'his year')  He always gets them on his bday and father's day, you always have them on your bday and mother's day.  He gets them for x number of weeks in the summer, but you could decide that by x date every year (like April 1st or something?).  Spring break can be split into every other year.  Other school breaks, if they're 2 weeks long, he gets one week and you get the other? Also, caveat that holiday changes have to be requested by x number of months out (2, 3, 6?).

I hope this helps you in organizing your thoughts. I can only imagine how difficult this is and having to decide it all on your own is overwhelming.  ((hugs)) 

Jen4948

Well, I had a phone interview this morning and now they're asking me to take what amounts to a test. I guess that's a good thing.

@Jstump2, happy birthday to your daughter!

short+sassy

@ei34, good luck with the visitation spreadsheet.  That must be emotionally tough.

Edited to add:  @Jen4948, that's amazing you already had a phone interview!  What a great sign.  Good luck!

We were supposed to have torrential rainstorms for two days straight (Tues. and Wed.).  But yesterday was mostly beautiful and sunny and so is today.  Like a lot of you, I am just soaking in the great weather and letting it perk my spirits.  I even got a fairly good night's sleep last night and feel motivated to slay my to-do list!  Well, at least as motivated as one can get for PITA stuff, lol.

My happy, feel goods for the day:

--Work has been busier, so I feel more productive.  I'm excited the hard part of the week...and it was especially hard this week...is over and the weekend is almost here. 

--My H is getting his first vaccine shot at 1PM today.

--I got my Save Around book in the mail yesterday.  It's one of those annual books with coupons for restaurants/fast food (some local, some national).  Usually, though not always, a "bogo" coupon.  My H and I went through it last night making our massive list of where we want to go.  Now I feel revved up to go out to eat at one of our new targets this weekend, lol.

MissKittyDanger

ei34 said:

My lawyer sent me a visitation spreadsheet to fill out.  It’s a lot.  Trying to figure out how to split up school breaks, holidays, etc.  I requested sole custody and H is in full agreement but he obviously needs visitation.  But actually reflecting on it is hard.  

One option - depending on your relationship - could also be some holidays are joint to a degree.
You get xmas eve, but he could come xmas day and open gifts together and do a meal and vice versa.
M's parents are split and he hates {hated} splitting holidays.

MyNameIsNot

I'm so glad it's Thursday too! I'm dragging tired still. 

I had a little bit of an ah-ha moment last night with my sister and I'm still in the feels. I love her because she's my sister, but I've been making a lot of excuses for her and seeing some of the hurtful things she's done through rose-colored glasses. I'm not making any big changes or anything, but I'm rethinking how I approach the relationship, because I deserve better. 

Also trying to figure out how to schedule my second dose vaccine appointment. Georgia opened everything up to all adults this week. While it's a good thing that it's open, it was probably too early. Appointments were scarce already, but now they're completely gone. It's like the state was tired of trying to manage tiers, so just decided to throw their hands up and let the chips fall where they may. I think this is going to have an adverse effect on people with medical needs and on people with fewer resources. 

VarunaTT

I was late to work this morning.  I woke up at like 3 am with bad cramps and a damn mess on my hands.  My period decided to get super heavy all of a sudden and I was sleeping, so ew, basically.  When I finally got back to sleep, I hit my snooze button a lot and decided to just be 20 minutes late.

I'm so ready for this weekend.  IDK what I want to do with myself, but I might just hibernate some more.  I've been out every night this week, which usually means something is wrong with my brain; this time I think it might be b/c I just want to be outside with friends in the sunshine and weather, so I'm trying not to overthink it.

We've lost 2 people at work this week.  One of them, I wasn't surprised.  She was just in over her head and, though she tried very hard, it just wasn't going to work out.  The other one, I'm not super surprised, but I wish she hadn't just stopped showing up to work and just told us she was quitting.  Joke is on her though; she left her cell phone.  Talk about a walk of shame.  HR thinks there's another one on the horizon.  You know, I have always kept to myself at work and watching coworkers drag each other down in negative attitudes and work ethic has been unreal.

banana468

@VarunaTT if it helps I recently invested in a couple pairs of Thinx.  They aren't stain proof but the have helped while sleeping. 

VarunaTT

banana468 said:

@VarunaTT if it helps I recently invested in a couple pairs of Thinx.  They aren't stain proof but the have helped while sleeping. 

I have looked at those before and considered them, thanks for the recommendation.  This is an unusual occurrence; I hadn't been taking my supplement that helps my period be lighter and shorter, so it's been rough this time round.  Trying to pull my life back on track!

STARMOON44

MissKittyDanger said:

ei34 said:

My lawyer sent me a visitation spreadsheet to fill out.  It’s a lot.  Trying to figure out how to split up school breaks, holidays, etc.  I requested sole custody and H is in full agreement but he obviously needs visitation.  But actually reflecting on it is hard.  

One option - depending on your relationship - could also be some holidays are joint to a degree.
You get xmas eve, but he could come xmas day and open gifts together and do a meal and vice versa.
M's parents are split and he hates {hated} splitting holidays.

I think this is a lovely thing if it works out and a hideously awful thing most of the time. You don’t usually get a divorce because you’re on great terms with someone and committing officially to this in advance is going to get super messy when new partners and obligations come around. 

banana468

VarunaTT said:

banana468 said:

@VarunaTT if it helps I recently invested in a couple pairs of Thinx.  They aren't stain proof but the have helped while sleeping. 

I have looked at those before and considered them, thanks for the recommendation.  This is an unusual occurrence; I hadn't been taking my supplement that helps my period be lighter and shorter, so it's been rough this time round.  Trying to pull my life back on track!

I've started using those over the overnight pads with wings.  I don't want to wear a tampon overnight but (TMI) find that flow will roll down over the pad and I still wake up with stains.  I won't wear them for daily wear but they've cut down (although not completely prevented) on the required sheet changes. 

MissKittyDanger

STARMOON44 said:

MissKittyDanger said:

ei34 said:

My lawyer sent me a visitation spreadsheet to fill out.  It’s a lot.  Trying to figure out how to split up school breaks, holidays, etc.  I requested sole custody and H is in full agreement but he obviously needs visitation.  But actually reflecting on it is hard.  

One option - depending on your relationship - could also be some holidays are joint to a degree.
You get xmas eve, but he could come xmas day and open gifts together and do a meal and vice versa.
M's parents are split and he hates {hated} splitting holidays.

I think this is a lovely thing if it works out and a hideously awful thing most of the time. You don’t usually get a divorce because you’re on great terms with someone and committing officially to this in advance is going to get super messy when new partners and obligations come around. 

I know a few couples who do this. They don't work out but after time, they are able to coparent like this.

mrsconn23

MissKittyDanger said:

STARMOON44 said:

MissKittyDanger said:

ei34 said:

My lawyer sent me a visitation spreadsheet to fill out.  It’s a lot.  Trying to figure out how to split up school breaks, holidays, etc.  I requested sole custody and H is in full agreement but he obviously needs visitation.  But actually reflecting on it is hard.  

One option - depending on your relationship - could also be some holidays are joint to a degree.
You get xmas eve, but he could come xmas day and open gifts together and do a meal and vice versa.
M's parents are split and he hates {hated} splitting holidays.

I think this is a lovely thing if it works out and a hideously awful thing most of the time. You don’t usually get a divorce because you’re on great terms with someone and committing officially to this in advance is going to get super messy when new partners and obligations come around. 

I know a few couples who do this. They don't work out but after time, they are able to coparent like this.

Our very good friend M has had an extremely amicable divorce and is still close with his ex-IL's.  He went to his ex-wife's on Christmas Eve last year before he went to work so he could spend some time with them.  He and his kids had Christmas with his GF and her son on the 26th. 

So yeah, it's plausible in some cases.  There's nothing ei has said about how this is going that this is an option for them right now (um, his family is trying a coordinated attack of getting her to change her mind that he's not doing shit about). 

Who knows what the future holds, but in the short-term it's better to split.  It sucks and no one wants to timeshare their kids on holidays, especially the important ones, but I think prioritizing sanity and minimizing discord is the best thing here.  

charlotte989875

ei34 said:

Ugh that’s annoying about the “suggestions” @charlotte989875
Happy bday to DD @Jstump2

My sister and nephew’s covid quarantine is over, but my BIL’s grandmother passed away last night. She was one of the handful of BIL family members who was positive and has been in the hospital this whole time.  BIL is finally feeling a bit annoyed at his brother and SIL who haven’t taken the virus seriously this whole year and gave it to everyone.  Sister’s MIL is a wreck and told my sis and BIL she may need to move in woth them for a few weeks 😳

My lawyer sent me a visitation spreadsheet to fill out.  It’s a lot.  Trying to figure out how to split up school breaks, holidays, etc.  I requested sole custody and H is in full agreement but he obviously needs visitation.  But actually reflecting on it is hard.  

Can you ask for examples from the lawyer and see if any feel good to you? Obviously not with names or anything but maybe seeing how other people structured it could help you think through what you want? 

Also that’s completely unsolicited advice and I’m sorry you’re having to do this on top of everything else. 

ei34

Thanks @mrsconn23. Yes, that’s pretty much all in the paperwork.  It’s just hard actually deciding things like odd/even years.  I’ve connected with some divorced moms who say their agreements say one gets Feb break, the ex gets spring break but they’re flexible, and split both in half, and right now I don’t see H being flexible once it’s in writing.  So just doing some hemming and hawing.

@MissKittyDanger I’ve heard of couples like that but I’d rather not have the kids for a holiday than co-celebrate with H

banana468

What I am seeing is that it needs to be documented and in advance because it it isn't there's WAY too much room for interpretation and shirking. 

I know nothing about your arrangement @ei34 and am only reporting that it takes one spouse getting a know-it-all new partner to screw over the ex and suddenly there is a GAL in place.

mrsconn23

banana468 said:

What I am seeing is that it needs to be documented and in advance because it it isn't there's WAY too much room for interpretation and shirking. 

I know nothing about your arrangement @ei34 and am only reporting that it takes one spouse getting a know-it-all new partner to screw over the ex and suddenly there is a GAL in place.

Omg yes, having documentation is huge.  Also for the first little while, I'd stick to it by the letter.  If STBX stops showing his ass as much and wants to play nicely, then maybe be open to compromise.  But document, document, document.  I'd recommend doing things via e-mail for the paper trail and also, investing in cloud space so you can store texts and whatnot.  (I pay $2.99/mo for extra iCloud space). 

There's a chick on my mom board who's co-parenting relationship with her ex is so bad that they have had to have a parenting coordinator (paid by them) in place. It's a mess of a muddy long drawn out drama and I feel sorry for the kids.   Their back and forth shit is legendary and proof that you have to stick to shit by almost the letter when dealing with assholes who will twist shit around.  I'm not saying she's perfect, but he's the worse one.

I know way too much about this person's ins and outs.  I tell DH about it when there's 'flare ups' and it's like his 'stories'.  LOL 

STARMOON44

My dryer is broken and maintenance just came and was “ughhh you need a new one.  So many of these are dying at the same time. I will have to find you one. WE have to replace the whole washer/dryer unit.”  And I was bracing myself for the worst. But his follow up was “I won’t be able to do this for at least half an hour.”

lol. Ok. I can wait 30 minutes. 

MissKittyDanger

STARMOON44 said:

My dryer is broken and maintenance just came and was “ughhh you need a new one.  So many of these are dying at the same time. I will have to find you one. WE have to replace the whole washer/dryer unit.”  And I was bracing myself for the worst. But his follow up was “I won’t be able to do this for at least half an hour.”

lol. Ok. I can wait 30 minutes. 

Nooooooo

CharmedPam

You have your own units in your place I take it?  Yeah 30 min is good @STARMOON44! 

ILoveBeachMusic

OK Chicago people, my SIL is having a hard time getting a vaccine appointment. How did you guys get yours. DD got hers through work (hospital) so she didn't have to navigate the state system or whatever normal people have to use. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated.

I have book club tonight. Highly recommend the book: The Girl who Wrote in Silk. It was so interesting and unfortunately very timely. Not much else going on today. I actually slept fairly well last night. Sick little doggie made it until 5 this morning so I felt like I had a full night's sleep. My Italian tutor is coming back from maternity leave in a couple of weeks so I've been doing a lot of that today. I also found out the DS1 didn't get the job he interviewed for a few weeks ago. Super bummed about that. He would have been so good for it! Haha, I'm not biased at all. H is still working on finishing the dresser for the boys room that we will take up to them at Easter. DD is in waiting mode for that baby. Nana says he can come any time now.

STARMOON44

CharmedPam said:

You have your own units in your place I take it?  Yeah 30 min is good @STARMOON44! 

Yes in unit- and he was true to his word! Which is great because I’m leaving bright and early for my spa vacation tmrw

ILoveBeachMusic

Have a wonderful time @STARMOON44!