My husband is wonderful and we love each other very much. He also has depression and about two years ago he had several psychotic episodes, during which time he was abusive toward me. I did not leave him because I was aware he was not himself. He has found the right medications and therapist, and is doing wonderfully. He is the best version of himself, and we are actually happy. I, however, cannot free myself of the trauma he caused me. I understand he was not himself at the time, but that doesn’t make it hurt less. Little things trigger memories almost every day, like putting in eyedrops or pressing the space bar when I’m working. I can usually brush them off, but sometimes when I drink, I get angry. He knows exactly how I feel and tries to be supportive, but he is not in the place of helping for he was the one who caused my trauma. I went to therapy for a while and it helped, but I can no longer afford it. We are strictly socially distancing, and I do not want to burden my friends with this. I feel alone. How can I help myself?
—Stuck in the Past