Postponments - family in law issues

knottieeec5e7b78e26ddee

We were meant to get married this coming May but because of tbe pandemic we had to postpone our wedding. I have always wanted to get married in May and so we looked into the possibilities of marrying in May 2022. Our venue only gave us availabilities in May. The problem was that my fiance s sister is also getting married in May 2022 and now we are just 1 week apart; ours before theirs. When my fiance told them about this they became angry, verbally violent and threatened that unless we get married on a weekday (it is not popular over here), or in July/August (again it is too hot to get married and my fiance wont feel comfortable) or May 2023 they wont be coming to our wedding. We only postponed because of covid as otherwise we both wish to get married this year as was originally planned. His parents arent helping us financially and arent helping with the wedding planning. Moreover relatives do not have travelling costs as we all live close to each other. We also informed them that we will accept not inviting extended family or extended family friends to our wedding if they prefer to have them only for the sister s wedding. They made us feel as if we shouldn't have the wedding we planned and paid for. They are not talking to each other and even when my fiance had to go to the hospital for an emergency they didnt come or ask him what has happenend. What are your thoughts?

STARMOON44

I think it’s completely ridiculous to postpone your wedding to one week before his sister’s previously scheduled wedding and you should be embarrassed. Because you just like May? Absurd. Stop behaving like children and choose another date. Try April or June or March or September. 

levioosa

knottieeec5e7b78e26ddee said:

We were meant to get married this coming May but because of tbe pandemic we had to postpone our wedding. I have always wanted to get married in May and so we looked into the possibilities of marrying in May 2022. Our venue only gave us availabilities in May. The problem was that my fiance s sister is also getting married in May 2022 and now we are just 1 week apart; ours before theirs. When my fiance told them about this they became angry, verbally violent and threatened that unless we get married on a weekday (it is not popular over here), or in July/August (again it is too hot to get married and my fiance wont feel comfortable) or May 2023 they wont be coming to our wedding. We only postponed because of covid as otherwise we both wish to get married this year as was originally planned. His parents arent helping us financially and arent helping with the wedding planning. Moreover relatives do not have travelling costs as we all live close to each other. We also informed them that we will accept not inviting extended family or extended family friends to our wedding if they prefer to have them only for the sister s wedding. They made us feel as if we shouldn't have the wedding we planned and paid for. They are not talking to each other and even when my fiance had to go to the hospital for an emergency they didnt come or ask him what has happenend. What are your thoughts?

Everyone here is acting like children. You chose a terrible date. They are being ridiculous with their words and actions. Sure, you’re entitled to have your wedding on the day you want and everyone only gets one day, but is this really the hill you want to die on? April and June are perfectly lovely months too. So are several other months. Everyone in this situation needs to grab hold of some maturity. 

charlotte989875

I think everyone is wrong here- I know everyone gets one day for their wedding but it feels selfish to schedule your wedding to the weekend before there’s. If your venue have you all of May availability you could have picked something more than 2 weeks before (or better the weekend or 2 after!) their already scheduled date. Could you have gotten anything in any other month? Or a refund on your deposit?

They're also behaving badly. Yes you shouldn’t schedule your wedding for the weekend before but they’re taking it too far by not taking with you and becoming violent or aggressive. That’s wrong no matter what you did. 

downtondiva

Everyone is wrong in this situation. This is not something worth being violent or aggressive over, and they should not have reacted that way toward you and your FI. They also don't have the right to tell you to have your wedding in a completely different season. 

However, I do think it was crappy of you and your FI to reschedule to the weekend right before his sister's wedding because you just HAD to get married in May. Yes, technically you are allowed to choose whatever day you want for your wedding, but in the real world, people have feelings and wedding decisions have consequences. Is getting married in May really worth what could be years of fallout with your in-laws? Would April or June really be that different?

knottieeec5e7b78e26ddee

Deposits are not refundable. We didnt want to lose money.

April and June were not months considered good enough for them as they only suggested July/August 2022 or May 2023. So even if we changed the month they would still have caused problems. 

I believe they are taking it too far now considering they werent helping with our wedding preparations and threatening immediate family members not to come to our wedding. Immediate family should decide for themselves whether to come to our wedding or not. We offered for extended family and extended family friends not to be invites to our wedding so that these will attend his sister s wedding. We even offered to give them the gifts we will be getting from his family s side.

My fiance has been treated badly by his family for years and I guess he doesn't want to compromise on our wedding. We are going for therapy as he is feeling hurt and angry after what his parents had said. Amongst other things, they even wished us not to stay together or worst that we will be unhappy in our life together. Our therapist after hearing what my fiance went through his life, told us that his parents are narcissistic and unless he always does what they want they will withhold their love to him.

knottieeec5e7b78e26ddee

See my reply above

charlotte989875

knottieeec5e7b78e26ddee said:

Deposits are not refundable. We didnt want to lose money.

April and June were not months considered good enough for them as they only suggested July/August 2022 or May 2023. So even if we changed the month they would still have caused problems. 

I believe they are taking it too far now considering they werent helping with our wedding preparations and threatening immediate family members not to come to our wedding. Immediate family should decide for themselves whether to come to our wedding or not. We offered for extended family and extended family friends not to be invites to our wedding so that these will attend his sister s wedding. We even offered to give them the gifts we will be getting from his family s side.

My fiance has been treated badly by his family for years and I guess he doesn't want to compromise on our wedding. We are going for therapy as he is feeling hurt and angry after what his parents had said. Amongst other things, they even wished us not to stay together or worst that we will be unhappy in our life together. Our therapist after hearing what my fiance went through his life, told us that his parents are narcissistic and unless he always does what they want they will withhold their love to him.

It sucks your FI has such a bad relationship with his family and that his parents treated him poorly. That doesn’t give you license to also do some thing that hurts other people. Why would you offer to give them gifts? That’s seems super weird. 

Why not picky a date in July or August? Even if April/June weren’t what they preferred it’s still better than the weekend before. And also if you were given any weekend in May why pick the one right before? It seems like you’re trying to antagonize them with the date. 

Look they’re response is wrong. No question. But picking the weekend before them is also not cool and likely you knew it would upset people. But take the sister out of it- what about the extended family you want there? You’re making it a tough choice for them too. 

knottieeec5e7b78e26ddee

I really cant see why such a wedding can hurt other people s feelings to such an extent. Everyone will have his own time to shine on their respective days. If the reverse had happened true I will be annoyed but i wont cause such a big problem/fight and will get over it by time.

We offered them the gifts (monetary gifts) coming from his family as his sister complained that she may not get the money people were originally going to give to her. As a a sign of good faith from our end we offered to give her the money we will recieve from their common family. She refused saying she doesn't need the money. So it seems that whatever we do or say is wrong.

July and August are not good months for us. We live in Malta and it is super sunny here. My fiance wont feel comfortable in full formal attire so summer was always out of the question for us. We were not offered any weekend in May from all the suppliers but the date we chose was the one where luckily enough all suppliers were available. They were also available on the eve of her wedding date and we didnt choose that date for obvious reasons. His sister wants the whole month of May to herself which i believe is a bit selfish considering the situation we are in. When we told them that we could have lost the deposits they told us that that would be our problem and they dont and wont care if we lose our money.

What his parents want is for us to only bless the rings and get over it. I believe that is not fair on us either.

The worst reaction was not from the sister but from his parents. I expected his sister to be annoyed when initially informed as indicated above but his parents being parents to both should have calmed the situation and ask both to be civil to each other. Not making it worst by issuing threats. There are only 3 sets of aunts/uncle who all live locally (the venue is just a 30 mins drive by car to all of them) so they may easily attend both weddings. It is up to them whether to attend or not. Family may still choose not to attend a wedding even if this didnt happen. Regarding extended family (i.e. not the immediate family like aunts/uncles) and family friends - we offered that, if his parents want so, that these are not invited to our wedding and be invited only to his sister s. They didnt consider anything we said.

levioosa

knottieeec5e7b78e26ddee said:

Deposits are not refundable. We didnt want to lose money.

April and June were not months considered good enough for them as they only suggested July/August 2022 or May 2023. So even if we changed the month they would still have caused problems. 

I believe they are taking it too far now considering they werent helping with our wedding preparations and threatening immediate family members not to come to our wedding. Immediate family should decide for themselves whether to come to our wedding or not. We offered for extended family and extended family friends not to be invites to our wedding so that these will attend his sister s wedding. We even offered to give them the gifts we will be getting from his family s side.

My fiance has been treated badly by his family for years and I guess he doesn't want to compromise on our wedding. We are going for therapy as he is feeling hurt and angry after what his parents had said. Amongst other things, they even wished us not to stay together or worst that we will be unhappy in our life together. Our therapist after hearing what my fiance went through his life, told us that his parents are narcissistic and unless he always does what they want they will withhold their love to him.

knottieeec5e7b78e26ddee said:

I really cant see why such a wedding can hurt other people s feelings to such an extent. Everyone will have his own time to shine on their respective days. If the reverse had happened true I will be annoyed but i wont cause such a big problem/fight and will get over it by time.

We offered them the gifts (monetary gifts) coming from his family as his sister complained that she may not get the money people were originally going to give to her. As a a sign of good faith from our end we offered to give her the money we will recieve from their common family. She refused saying she doesn't need the money. So it seems that whatever we do or say is wrong.

July and August are not good months for us. We live in Malta and it is super sunny here. My fiance wont feel comfortable in full formal attire so summer was always out of the question for us. We were not offered any weekend in May from all the suppliers but the date we chose was the one where luckily enough all suppliers were available. They were also available on the eve of her wedding date and we didnt choose that date for obvious reasons. His sister wants the whole month of May to herself which i believe is a bit selfish considering the situation we are in. When we told them that we could have lost the deposits they told us that that would be our problem and they dont and wont care if we lose our money.

What his parents want is for us to only bless the rings and get over it. I believe that is not fair on us either.

The worst reaction was not from the sister but from his parents. I expected his sister to be annoyed when initially informed as indicated above but his parents being parents to both should have calmed the situation and ask both to be civil to each other. Not making it worst by issuing threats. There are only 3 sets of aunts/uncle who all live locally (the venue is just a 30 mins drive by car to all of them) so they may easily attend both weddings. It is up to them whether to attend or not. Family may still choose not to attend a wedding even if this didnt happen. Regarding extended family (i.e. not the immediate family like aunts/uncles) and family friends - we offered that, if his parents want so, that these are not invited to our wedding and be invited only to his sister s. They didnt consider anything we said.

I’m still gonna say everyone here is acting like children. They don’t get to dictate a three month bubble around their wedding. You shouldn’t be petty about the weekend before. I have zero idea why you are offering to give people money. It is also no one’s responsibility to plan and pay and help with wedding things. That’s on you and your FI, so take that argument out of the equation. 

STARMOON44

Pick another date. You’re being rude and selfish. You’ll always be known as those horrible people who booked a wedding a week before his sister. 

banana468

Is it not possible to be married inside next summer?  It was 100 degrees in my wedding day and our reception was air conditioned.  I feel like you've invented reasons to be inflexible and they're only serving to build resentment.  

maine7mob

Are you all in the mafia? Threats? Violence? If I were in this family, I'd elope and move across the country.

knottieeec5e7b78e26ddee

We are offering them the wedding gifts from his family side not money. In malta wedding gifts are only monetary. And we only offered because his sister mentioned that her gifts may be less then what she expects. 

We have never asked any parent to help us financially or in any other way. I only mentioned that his parents are not helping with our wedding preparations in any way to show that there is no added stress for them. It would be just as if they are invited to any other wedding except they need to pose for photos on the day. 

We may be considered as being selfish by 3rd parties but they are being selfish and rude as well. This does not merit being nasty to us and my family (who has not been involved in our decision or any planning) and not coming to the hospital to see how their son is. When i called them to inform them he is at emergency his mother asked me who is (my fiance s name) as if she doesnt know her son is named like that.

We cannot pick any other date. New contracts have been signed and now we have no justifications to move the date so we will end up losing money.

Everyone can get married in any month or season but at the end everyone chooses a particular month. When we were planning oir wedding back in 2019 my fiance told me that he doesnt want to get married in summer till September due to the hot weather. I believe since he is paying half of the wedding he is entitled to be comfortable and get married when he wishes. Our venue has both indoors and ourdoors areas and you cannot make people not go outside. Our wedding is a morning wedding so we cannot schedule to summer due to the heat.

Haha they are not the mafia but it sure does feel like that sometimes. They have threatened my fiance everytime he wanted to do something they didnt approve. We cannot elope and we both dont want that. We will be having a church wedding partially because we feel it should be that way and partially because they would never accept us to get married in a civil ceremony. Also we cannot move in together because they dont allow it as they will consider it living in sin. So yes for example when we wanted to travel together at one point (we were both gainfully employed so we would be paying for the holiday ourselves and both were adults 26 & 28) they threatened him that he will need to move out even though they knew he has no place (also meaning that they will no longer speak to him as he would have committed a sin in their eyes) plus they caused problems when we decided that i should still travel since i have not been abroad before. As a side note in Malta we dont usually move out from our parents houses except when marrying however in the recent years a new trend started that some couples decide to move in together before marrying. This is no longer seen as a taboo except by some religious people such as my fiance s parents.

missJeanLouise

Honestly, I am surprised by everyone's responses. This shouldn't be such a big deal and your FI's sister is completely overreacting. If the weekend before their wedding was the only one that all your vendors were available, so be it. Since contracts are signed and moving is not an option it looks like you are stuck. Stop talking to them about it. Send your invitations to whomever you would like, do not give them your gifts, let the chips fall where they may. 

I would offer though, that if they really want you to move the date, they can pay all the change fees if another date can be found. You really should have consulted your families before choosing the new date to avoid all this but nothing can be done about that now 

MesmrEwe

You each get a day...  And yes, there's enough behaving crazy to go around so not even going to touch on that.  Rescheduling because of covid cancellations isn't easy and it's not like your original plan wasn't for it to have taken place long in advance, but that was out of your control and rescheduling limited by your venue's options to you without losing the deposits.  

You stated that everyone's local to the venues involved, so it's not like you're asking people on that side to travel 15 hours round trip for either of the weddings nor hop an airplane.  Unless your venue will let you move your wedding to a week earlier so there's a two week break, the reality is your options are limited and you've already committed.  From this point onward, no wedding talk with the rest of that side of the family!  Invitations get sent on time, you're paying for it yourselves which is all that matters in how many strings are attached.  

I'm also going to say invite the people you'd planned to invite anyway...  If they have to choose between the two weekends tell them choose the sibling's since they're having a harder time with your weddings being so close.  But really, as a guest, if I got an invite for two weddings two weeks in a row, I'd shrug and plan accordingly or I'd send a nice on-par gift to the one I was unable to attend which would have nothing to do with the couple's choice in date but my schedule.  

ETA:  The more you give in to her demands the greater those demands are going to be as the planning process progresses.  If she requests you to not wear a wedding gown/dress as it might detract from hers the following week would you give into that demand as well - NO!  People will not reduce the size of the gift just because siblings are getting married close in date to each other.  A gift is a gift, not a demand nor ransom to attend the event.  It is not her business what you two get as gifts, nor is it your business to know what or how much she gets for gifts from other people.  Take that off the table, plan your event, let her plan her own event, both have your events and if they decide to show up, wonderful, if they decide to not show up, that is also their choice.  

MyNameIsNot

maine7mob said:

Are you all in the mafia? Threats? Violence? If I were in this family, I'd elope and move across the country.

This. I have a sneaking suspicion that OP is wildly exaggerating, but if the family literally got violent over a wedding date, the whole thing would be moot because we'd be no contact. 

charlotte989875

missJeanLouise said:

Honestly, I am surprised by everyone's responses. This shouldn't be such a big deal and your FI's sister is completely overreacting. If the weekend before their wedding was the only one that all your vendors were available, so be it. Since contracts are signed and moving is not an option it looks like you are stuck. Stop talking to them about it. Send your invitations to whomever you would like, do not give them your gifts, let the chips fall where they may. 

I would offer though, that if they really want you to move the date, they can pay all the change fees if another date can be found. You really should have consulted your families before choosing the new date to avoid all this but nothing can be done about that now 

I see what you’re saying but I look at it like this; if it were me & my sister had a wedding date set & planned and my wedding got ruined by covid; if I had to move my date and I picked the weekend before hers I know my parents would be so angry with me, and so would my sister. And honestly our extended family probably would be too. 

It really sucks that Covid has ruined so many plans, but why chose a date that you *know* is going to cause problems? 

It does seem like the ship has sailed and OP has the new date set so I agree there’s not much to be done. But I do think there is blame to share here. 

short+sassy

charlotte989875 said:

missJeanLouise said:

Honestly, I am surprised by everyone's responses. This shouldn't be such a big deal and your FI's sister is completely overreacting. If the weekend before their wedding was the only one that all your vendors were available, so be it. Since contracts are signed and moving is not an option it looks like you are stuck. Stop talking to them about it. Send your invitations to whomever you would like, do not give them your gifts, let the chips fall where they may. 

I would offer though, that if they really want you to move the date, they can pay all the change fees if another date can be found. You really should have consulted your families before choosing the new date to avoid all this but nothing can be done about that now 

I see what you’re saying but I look at it like this; if it were me & my sister had a wedding date set & planned and my wedding got ruined by covid; if I had to move my date and I picked the weekend before hers I know my parents would be so angry with me, and so would my sister. And honestly our extended family probably would be too. 

It really sucks that Covid has ruined so many plans, but why chose a date that you *know* is going to cause problems? 

It does seem like the ship has sailed and OP has the new date set so I agree there’s not much to be done. But I do think there is blame to share here. 

In addition, and I might be reading into this, but I think they can't change their date at this point without extra fees because they already locked in the new date.  I suspect they could have chosen one month before or after at the time they were choosing a new date.  I realize the FSIL may still have not been happy it was still only 4-6 weeks away from her wedding.  But the OP and her FI would have looked a lot more sympathetic to friends/family.

Especially with how terribly the FSIL and and the parents are now behaving, it's really sad all around.  These seem like rifts that may never be healed and now both couples are even more stressed out with their weddings.  And it all started with being inflexible on the wedding dates.  It's just not worth it.

banana468

I cannot imagine having my brother's and my wedding 1 week apart.  It doesn't make a lot of sense logistically for anyone especially any guest that may have to travel.  And the concept that the venue only gave them dates in May seems a bit illogical to me becasue they said, "It HAD to be May." 

This is why when you set dates you check with VIP people.  You don't lock things in without talking to them becaus eit creates such a storm.   So much of this could have been avoided if they said, "Hey we're rebooking dates.  We're looking at May 15th.  How does that mesh with your schedules?" 

Sometimes life throws hard choices at you but I think scheduling the wedding one week from the sister's is a big FU to all the involved family IF there was a plan to involve them. 

mrsconn23

banana468 said:

I cannot imagine having my brother's and my wedding 1 week apart.  It doesn't make a lot of sense logistically for anyone especially any guest that may have to travel.  And the concept that the venue only gave them dates in May seems a bit illogical to me becasue they said, "It HAD to be May." 

This is why when you set dates you check with VIP people.  You don't lock things in without talking to them becaus eit creates such a storm.   So much of this could have been avoided if they said, "Hey we're rebooking dates.  We're looking at May 15th.  How does that mesh with your schedules?" 

Sometimes life throws hard choices at you but I think scheduling the wedding one week from the sister's is a big FU to all the involved family IF there was a plan to involve them. 

My parents would have made us do a double wedding.  LOL  But seriously, my sister and I got married just over 18 months apart.  That was a quick turnaround.  A week??  My mom would have told me to elope. 

short+sassy

mrsconn23 said:

banana468 said:

I cannot imagine having my brother's and my wedding 1 week apart.  It doesn't make a lot of sense logistically for anyone especially any guest that may have to travel.  And the concept that the venue only gave them dates in May seems a bit illogical to me becasue they said, "It HAD to be May." 

This is why when you set dates you check with VIP people.  You don't lock things in without talking to them becaus eit creates such a storm.   So much of this could have been avoided if they said, "Hey we're rebooking dates.  We're looking at May 15th.  How does that mesh with your schedules?" 

Sometimes life throws hard choices at you but I think scheduling the wedding one week from the sister's is a big FU to all the involved family IF there was a plan to involve them. 

My parents would have made us do a double wedding.  LOL  But seriously, my sister and I got married just over 18 months apart.  That was a quick turnaround.  A week??  My mom would have told me to elope. 

Granted, this was over 70 years ago and my great grandfather was paying for the weddings, not the couples.  But my grandma and her sister both got engaged around the same time.  Their dad told them he could only afford to do one wedding per year.  So either one of them could get married that year and the other one get married the next year.  Or they could have a double wedding.  My grandma and her sister chose to have a double wedding so they could both get married sooner.  

charlotte989875

mrsconn23 said:

banana468 said:

I cannot imagine having my brother's and my wedding 1 week apart.  It doesn't make a lot of sense logistically for anyone especially any guest that may have to travel.  And the concept that the venue only gave them dates in May seems a bit illogical to me becasue they said, "It HAD to be May." 

This is why when you set dates you check with VIP people.  You don't lock things in without talking to them becaus eit creates such a storm.   So much of this could have been avoided if they said, "Hey we're rebooking dates.  We're looking at May 15th.  How does that mesh with your schedules?" 

Sometimes life throws hard choices at you but I think scheduling the wedding one week from the sister's is a big FU to all the involved family IF there was a plan to involve them. 

My parents would have made us do a double wedding.  LOL  But seriously, my sister and I got married just over 18 months apart.  That was a quick turnaround.  A week??  My mom would have told me to elope. 

SAME. We were married in May and my sisters wedding was the following December and that was a really quick turnaround! It was a lot, emotionally, for my parents I think. Happy, but a lot. 

banana468

BIL and a cousin were married 3 weeks apart and we feared MIL might spontaneously combust. 

levioosa

knottieeec5e7b78e26ddee said:

We are offering them the wedding gifts from his family side not money. In malta wedding gifts are only monetary. And we only offered because his sister mentioned that her gifts may be less then what she expects. 

We have never asked any parent to help us financially or in any other way. I only mentioned that his parents are not helping with our wedding preparations in any way to show that there is no added stress for them. It would be just as if they are invited to any other wedding except they need to pose for photos on the day. 

We may be considered as being selfish by 3rd parties but they are being selfish and rude as well. This does not merit being nasty to us and my family (who has not been involved in our decision or any planning) and not coming to the hospital to see how their son is. When i called them to inform them he is at emergency his mother asked me who is (my fiance s name) as if she doesnt know her son is named like that.

We cannot pick any other date. New contracts have been signed and now we have no justifications to move the date so we will end up losing money.

Everyone can get married in any month or season but at the end everyone chooses a particular month. When we were planning oir wedding back in 2019 my fiance told me that he doesnt want to get married in summer till September due to the hot weather. I believe since he is paying half of the wedding he is entitled to be comfortable and get married when he wishes. Our venue has both indoors and ourdoors areas and you cannot make people not go outside. Our wedding is a morning wedding so we cannot schedule to summer due to the heat.

Haha they are not the mafia but it sure does feel like that sometimes. They have threatened my fiance everytime he wanted to do something they didnt approve. We cannot elope and we both dont want that. We will be having a church wedding partially because we feel it should be that way and partially because they would never accept us to get married in a civil ceremony. Also we cannot move in together because they dont allow it as they will consider it living in sin. So yes for example when we wanted to travel together at one point (we were both gainfully employed so we would be paying for the holiday ourselves and both were adults 26 & 28) they threatened him that he will need to move out even though they knew he has no place (also meaning that they will no longer speak to him as he would have committed a sin in their eyes) plus they caused problems when we decided that i should still travel since i have not been abroad before. As a side note in Malta we dont usually move out from our parents houses except when marrying however in the recent years a new trend started that some couples decide to move in together before marrying. This is no longer seen as a taboo except by some religious people such as my fiance s parents.

JIC

knottieeec5e7b78e26ddee

I asked my fiance to inform his parents about our intention of postponing our wedding to next year. Their first thought was don't postpone even though our wedding expenses were tripling for less amount of guests + the main issue remained Covid and any quarantining we may have encountered or any other problem related to a global pandemic. Their 1st reaction was why are we postponing as even in 2022 weddings may still be effected by covid restrictions. True no ones knows when or if restrictions will ever stop. But next year hopefully we will be in a better situation. His parents told my fiance that his sister plans to get married even if it will be a small celebration at home. Mind you we cannot even have a small reception as all weddings and household gatherings have been cancelled till June and nothing is certain that this restriction will be lifted in June. At that time i.e. some weeks before we made it official, my fiance had told them that if we will postpone, we are looking at dates in May and AT THAT TIME they didnt say anything or told him do not do it. 

I agree that a gift is a gift and any guest is entitled to give whatever amount s/he wishes with no obligation. I am not interested in the gifts really as we will be paying the wedding from our money and do not expect our guests to fund our wedding through gifts. 

No I am not exegarating about his parents reaction and violence. They even came at my parents' home to shout at my parents who have had no involvement in our decision. My fiance was cornered with 3 adults shouuting, raising their fists and hitting the kitchen table. So yes that's violence so much so that my fiance is getting therapy on the whole issue. 

Any date preceding the sister's wedding date would have caused trouble so much so that they requested that we get married either in July or August or even a year later. Extended family in my opinion should not be involved as to when a date is scheduled. We were aware that some friction may happen but not to this extent considering that his sister will not be effected by our date. The parents over reacted and not speaking to your own son over a wedding date and not coming to the hospital or ask him what has happened says a lot on the parents in my opinion. 

Unfortunately there have already been rifts in the family and this is the only time my fiance has stood up to them they are giving him the silent treatment instead of calming the situation.

Yes venues owners and any other suppliers are being difficult in arranging new dates as they are angry that they are losing business. They are even charging us extra fees for no reason at all. When I asked the venue for dates in March and April he only gave me dates in May to work with and ask other suppliers. The change in dates was only made because of an ongoing pandemic. 

Sadly enough his family never wanted to get involved not even when we bought our apartment. They asked us questions initally as to what we are planning but then once his sister set her date they stopped asking us. We dont even know where his sister will be getting married as they never told us. His sister was going to be his witness. Even though his mother expected her to be my bridesmaid and another argument between my fiance and his mother occurred.

My fiance and I are paying for our wedding so his parents will not have a financial burden to pay for both weddings. Plus all common guests need not to travel since all live locally within a short drive from the venue as explained before. 

geebee908

knottieeec5e7b78e26ddee said:

I asked my fiance to inform his parents about our intention of postponing our wedding to next year. Their first thought was don't postpone even though our wedding expenses were tripling for less amount of guests + the main issue remained Covid and any quarantining we may have encountered or any other problem related to a global pandemic. Their 1st reaction was why are we postponing as even in 2022 weddings may still be effected by covid restrictions. True no ones knows when or if restrictions will ever stop. But next year hopefully we will be in a better situation. His parents told my fiance that his sister plans to get married even if it will be a small celebration at home. Mind you we cannot even have a small reception as all weddings and household gatherings have been cancelled till June and nothing is certain that this restriction will be lifted in June. At that time i.e. some weeks before we made it official, my fiance had told them that if we will postpone, we are looking at dates in May and AT THAT TIME they didnt say anything or told him do not do it. 

I agree that a gift is a gift and any guest is entitled to give whatever amount s/he wishes with no obligation. I am not interested in the gifts really as we will be paying the wedding from our money and do not expect our guests to fund our wedding through gifts. 

No I am not exegarating about his parents reaction and violence. They even came at my parents' home to shout at my parents who have had no involvement in our decision. My fiance was cornered with 3 adults shouuting, raising their fists and hitting the kitchen table. So yes that's violence so much so that my fiance is getting therapy on the whole issue. 

Any date preceding the sister's wedding date would have caused trouble so much so that they requested that we get married either in July or August or even a year later. Extended family in my opinion should not be involved as to when a date is scheduled. We were aware that some friction may happen but not to this extent considering that his sister will not be effected by our date. The parents over reacted and not speaking to your own son over a wedding date and not coming to the hospital or ask him what has happened says a lot on the parents in my opinion. 

Unfortunately there have already been rifts in the family and this is the only time my fiance has stood up to them they are giving him the silent treatment instead of calming the situation.

Yes venues owners and any other suppliers are being difficult in arranging new dates as they are angry that they are losing business. They are even charging us extra fees for no reason at all. When I asked the venue for dates in March and April he only gave me dates in May to work with and ask other suppliers. The change in dates was only made because of an ongoing pandemic. 

Sadly enough his family never wanted to get involved not even when we bought our apartment. They asked us questions initally as to what we are planning but then once his sister set her date they stopped asking us. We dont even know where his sister will be getting married as they never told us. His sister was going to be his witness. Even though his mother expected her to be my bridesmaid and another argument between my fiance and his mother occurred.

My fiance and I are paying for our wedding so his parents will not have a financial burden to pay for both weddings. Plus all common guests need not to travel since all live locally within a short drive from the venue as explained before. 

It would seem that your future husband is the scapegoat of the family and his sister is the golden child. He's never going to win with his parents. Since your date is set and there's nothing to be done about it at this point, please stop engaging with his family for the mental health of both of you. Let them do what they're going to do and begin living your best lives together. Good luck.

knottieeec5e7b78e26ddee

Yes sadly that's what our therapist has told us. What my fiance does is always wrong no matter what it is and even if his mother complains on his sister she used to tell it to him not to his sister. And when my fiance used to tell his mother to tell her complaints to the sister she would turn the argument on him. Yes we are trying not to engage with them but it is difficult since my fiance still lives with them but is planning to move out next month.