Dear Prudence,
A few months ago I got engaged to a wonderful man. He’s kind and sweet and I love him very much. When I met him, he was fairly upfront about his past, which included a lot of drugs and illicit activities. After a friend of his overdosed, he decided to get clean. It’s been five years, and he’s doing great. The problem is that his past just caught up with him. He was arrested this week after an old associate was swept up in a bust and outed my fiancé’s previous activities. My fiancé isn’t completely sure whether he did the things he’s accused of, but since he was so high, he doesn’t remember.
We don’t know whether he’s going to be getting charged or offered a deal. Everything is so up in the air right now. I’m feeling terrible, but I’m considering leaving him. He’s wonderful, but what kind of a life will we have if he’s in jail for two to five years and then has a record after that? Am I a terrible person for thinking this? When he told me about his past, I never thought it would actually catch up with him. After talking with him and his lawyers, I think I was being incredibly naïve. Part of me wants to stay and see what happens, but a part of me is worried that even if he gets out of this, something else is right around the corner. He’s such a good man now, and I hate to use his past against him. What should I do?
—Don’t Want to Stay