Dear Prudence,
When I was in high school, I became quite close with my father’s coworker’s kids. We hung out regularly, played on sports teams together, and goofed around like teens do. They were easily the best friends I’d ever had—until my father was arrested and charged with child molestation. He had numerous victims, including his coworker’s daughter, my friend. I had to move away when this happened.
It has been 20 years since I last spoke to my friends. I was ashamed to have a father who could do that, and I spent much of the last few decades trying to forgive myself for not protecting my friends and working to see myself outside of my father’s abusiveness. I’m in a great place now, but I miss my friends. I was scared to reach out before because of everything that happened, but now I want to quit letting my fear limit my connections. But it’s been 20 years. They’ve never reached out to me either. I wonder if the reality of what my father did means I should err on the side of caution and not reach out. I don’t want to cause any more pain, but I also want to share my life with people who made me feel loved and supported. Is there a right answer here? I cut my father out of my life years ago, and I am ready to reconnect with my past in a healthy way.
—Sins of the Father