Wedding Woes

Posted with the answer.

Dear Prudence,

My husband is the youngest of four siblings. For some reason, when we get together with a certain two of them, they tend to speak negatively about him to me. It puts me in a weird position, and I am unsure why they feel so negatively toward him. It is awkward because I feel that they are trying to bond with me by sympathizing with me over his possible faults that make it difficult to be his wife. However, we have a healthy marriage, and I try to be positive. I never bring up these topics and have trouble understanding why they always feel the need to bring them up. Should I address the issue and just let them know that we all have different struggles that need work, in hopes that they will see that I don’t need their sympathy or negativity toward my husband?

—In-Law Confusion


Re: Posted with the answer.

  • Yes. Say that. H’s family is like this. It took H a while to figure out what he wanted to do while his brother has worked at the same Bank since he got out of grad school. Even when H got his PhD they didn’t treat him as a successful adult. It’s eased over time but when we were first together I ignored them but NEVER joined in. 
  • FIL will rag on DH at me from time to time.  I ignore him and/or try to change the subject. 
  • mrsconn23 said:
    FIL will rag on DH at me from time to time.  I ignore him and/or try to change the subject. 
    My MIL was like this especially when DH was first out of college.  She loved to criticize the grades he got and how he "needed help" to get the job he had.  

    Now that he's had his degree for nearly 20 years she hasn't brought it up and doing so would mean she's likely insulting him in front of our kids.  Would. Not. Go. Over. Well. 
  • It sounds like the LW has never directly said something to them.  They probably see the silence...if they even noticed agreement.  I would expect the H to defend the LW, if a sibling was bad-mouthing them.  I don't see that being any different if it's a sibling bad-mouthing the H.  Of course the LW should defend him.

    It doesn't even have to be in a confrontational way.  It could be something like, "I don't think that's fair to say my H is lazy!  He works 50 hours on second-shift at his job and that's why he usually sleeps until noon.  He also cooks dinner on his nights off."
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  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited April 30
    I’d just stand up for H when it’s brought up “that’s funny.  He doesn’t do that with me.  Odd, I don’t see that with him... or wow, guess ___ years really can change someone!”

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