Wedding Woes

Classic: Say nothing and also, he's an asshole for doing this.

I’ve had a close male friend that I’ve been secretly in love with for years. We have almost always lived in different cities and frankly, our lifestyles are fairly different to the point that I had all but discarded the idea that we could ever be in a romantic relationship. Aside from a fun weeklong fling over a decade ago, we’ve always kept it platonic, mostly because one of us was always dating someone in the couple of times a year we’d see each other. Flash forward to this year when I told him my boyfriend and I were getting married. He seemed shocked, but happy for me, came out to help me prepare for the big day and was an all-around champ. After the wedding I talked to my new mother-in-law and was shocked to find out that he referred to me as “the one who got away” in his own life. What? I never went anywhere and he never said anything! I used to tell my girlfriends that he was the one I’d run away with if he ever expressed any interest. Now, two days after my wedding I’m stuck with this thought that we’ve been mutually and silently in love with each other for years. How did I get stuck in a bad rom-com script? And why would he say that to my new MIL of all people. (She looked at me pointedly when she told me about it later.) BTW, I love my husband dearly and we have a lovely life together. I’m not interested in leaving, nor do I regret any decision I’ve made. Mostly I wonder how I go on knowing there was a possibility for that other life I always dreamed of but never believed in. Do I ever say anything to him about this?

Re: Classic: Say nothing and also, he's an asshole for doing this.

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Agree with the subject line. 

    Why would you see relationship potential with someone who has done precisely zero to engage romantically and who Monday Morning quarterbacked the situation on your wedding weekend? 
  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited May 6
    Whoa, LW!!!  They are reading A LOT into an offhand, sh**ty comment this guy made to her MIL.

    This IS real life.  Not the plot to a bad rom-com.  Neither one of you were into each other enough to ever discuss dating/relationship.  Even during the one-week fling.  All the problems that held the LW back would have still been there and it's highly unlikely they would have ridden off into the sunset together if this guy had professed his supposed undying love.  She's imagining an entire relationship that would have had a happy ending.  She needs to think more pragmatically and rewrite the script in her head for what more probably would have happened.  And then give it a bad ending, lol.    

    I get it, to a small extent.  There are ex-b/fs I've occasionally wondered about, "If only X had been different, would we have ended up together?"  But that is more musings about how fickle the hand if fate can sometimes be.  I might even half-jokingly describe some of them as "the one that got away".  But that doesn't mean I would have wanted to change my past or that I'm pining over them.  
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  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    mrsconn23 said:
    I can hardly believe this dude had no idea until he saw LW get married that they were 'the one' (that got away).  Nah, fuck you.  You didn't think LW was 'good' enough or whatever until they were no longer an 'option'.  And to say that to LW's MIL is especially low. 

    LW needs to rethink the entire relationship they had with this person.  Also if LW was 'in love' with this guy for years and they have some sexual history, I'm not sure it's a healthy relationship to keep going when entering into newly married life. 

    I think people can be friends with exes if there's mutual respect, understanding, and boundaries.  This guy blew through them with not keeping his shit to himself and putting it on a truly innocent party. 
    This is where I am. I too am and have been friends with exes, but IMO part of committing to a marriage with one person means considering whether you need to drop contact with a person you occasionally/often fantasize about "running away" with.
  • Nothing good comes out of spending even one more second thinking about this. Dude sucks and you should distance yourself. 
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