Dear Prudence,
I live in a neighborhood where everyone generally rallies around one another in a beautiful way. One neighbor, who is a close friend, has a very complicated life going on. Many of our neighbors frequently tell this person that they need to take a break and offer use of their rental properties, etc. I completely agree with that sentiment! However, I am closer than those people and ultimately I am the one who gets asked to take care of children or pets during these trips. I also have a job and my own family. I don’t take on more than I can handle and have had to decline some of the requests. More than once they have changed plans because I wasn’t available, and I feel horrible, like I’m just adding to their complications. It’s not like I disagree that they have more going on than I do and need the vacation, but it’s frustrating that another person’s lovely offer ultimately requires some generosity on my part. Is there a way to say to the rest of the neighbors, “Please stop offering your beach house unless you’re also willing to take care of the cats and carpool?”
—I Agree, but Also, Stop