Is the bride asking too much?

knottie6c0b3c85cc39ed5d

My close friend is getting married and I am one of 6 in her wedding party. We are so happy for her, but we are starting to get really stressed out. We offered to throw a bridal shower that was originally supposed to be about 45 people. We booked at a place she loves that is not inexpensive.... However, the MOH informed us that when the bride gave us the guest list she invited every female wedding guest, about 70 people. We can't back out now, but it is going to cost us almost double the amount we had originally planned on. Also, she decided she wanted a weekend getaway Bachelorette party... and increased the original guest list from 10 to 14 that we have to plan. It's going to end up costing us about $1000 each for these two parties. That's not including dress, hair, makeup, expensive lodging at her destination wedding or shower/wedding gifts. I am not sure if I am overreacting  but I think she is being really unfair to her wedding party... Should I say something? The invitations have all been sent so it seems like there's no point now.

ILoveBeachMusic

If invitations have already been sent for both the shower and bach party then yes there is no point now because you can't uninvite people. Let this be a lesson though. When you, general you, are hosting a party such as these you have to be clear about what you are able to do expense wise. If the bride insists on doing something you can't afford, then you have to say you are sorry but you can't do it. I'm very sorry you are in the situation.

Casadena

It really sucks that you're in this position but if invites are already out there really isn't much you can do.  In the future, just be very clear about what you are willing to host (how many people, how much $ you can contribute, etc).  Also, I would not get her additional wedding and shower gifts if you are throwing these events and spending that much money.  But that's just me.  A nice card is perfectly fine.  

Overall, she's asking way too much. 

banana468

If invitations are out then it's hard to put a stop to some of it.

But what you CAN do is voice concerns and stop anything else.

"Hey, I need to let you know that right now I've hit my budget for all wedding-related events.  If there is anything else that may come up I am most likely going to have to say that I am unable to contribute or participate." 

MyNameIsNot

Yes, the bride is asking too much, but like others have said, you missed your opportunity. For the shower, when she came back with 70 names, you should have responded that the budget was capped at 45, and she'd have to trim her list. If you don't have budget for an expensive destination bach party, you should have said no. 

What you can do now is cut costs on things you're not locked into. Like others said, your large financial contribution to these parties is gift enough; no need to buy any others. Also, hair and makeup should not be at your expense. Tell her that you'll be doing your own. Look for other accommodations for the wedding and tell her the hotel she's chosen is out of budget. 

banana468

MyNameIsNot said:

What you can do now is cut costs on things you're not locked into. Like others said, your large financial contribution to these parties is gift enough; no need to buy any others. Also, hair and makeup should not be at your expense. Tell her that you'll be doing your own. Look for other accommodations for the wedding and tell her the hotel she's chosen is out of budget. 

All of the above!  If you're not stuck in a place where the logistics would just add to the cost then I'd be clear. 

"If the hair styling is at my expense then I'll do my own and ditto for make up." 

She can't force you to spend your money without your consent on things that haven't been an expense yet unless you already paid.   

downtondiva

The bride is absolutely asking too much, but the time to speak up was before the invitations for these parties went out. You can't cut the guest lists now. 

I agree that given the time and expense you have already put toward this wedding, it is not necessary to buy any additional gifts for the bride/the couple. You've given more than enough already.

I also think that if the bride is expecting you to have your hair and makeup professionally done that it would be okay to explain that you've reached your limit, cannot afford that, and will be doing your own hair and makeup. She can either accept that or offer to pay for these services if it's that important to her. 

charlotte989875

I definitely think she’s asking too much (or at least this would be too much for my group of close friends). For the shower- if invites have gone out you can’t really uninvited people now. But for a destination bachelorette party, it shouldn’t impact your cost if other people are coming unless she’s expecting you to foot the bill for all the guests? I’d be real clear I was paying my own way, and maybe contributing to the bride’s dinner/ drinks but no way would I be paying for someone else’s vacation. I think it’s also perfectly fine to say that any additional expenses (the trip, hair/makeup) are no longer in your budget. 

Jen4948

The bride is definitely asking too much. But the time to start planning was after, not before, you had a full guest list. So unfortunately you can't uninvite, or tell the bride to uninvite, anyone invited to the shower. You can insist that you have a limited budget that can only cover $X per person and she will have to assume any costs beyond that. You can also tell her that because of the increased costs of the shower that you will have to assume because of the larger number of guests, you cannot assume additional costs for the bachelorette party.