Wedding Woes
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Remove them without guilt.

Dear Prudence,

My parents’ social media habits are giving me severe secondhand embarrassment. I’m a queer Black woman in my mid-20s. I have a Facebook account pretty much only because I work in media and need to keep up with what my clients and potential clients are doing. I treat it like LinkedIn—I post very little aside from sharing business events and industry-relevant news. My parents (who are white and adopted me at a young age) requested to be my friends, and I accepted, because I originally didn’t think it was a big deal. But my parents post incredibly racist, homophobic, and xenophobic content, visible for the whole world to see. They’re huge Trump supporters, as well as COVID-hoaxers and anti-maskers. They provided me with a good education and otherwise decent upbringing, but after moving away, it still took a lot of emotional work to undo the kind of trauma of being the Black child of parents like that, and no matter what I say to them, they have never changed their toxic views. Aside from the immense frustration and trauma it brings me personally, I’m also afraid their posts will reflect badly on me if clients or potential clients click through my friends list. I know I can’t reason with my parents. Can I just remove them from my Facebook and hope they don’t notice?

—Sins of the Father

Re: Remove them without guilt.

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    Unfriend them and tell them why! “Your bigoted views are hurtful to me and embarrassing.”
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    Do you want to continue a relationship with them?  If they aren't just posting opposing political views where you can argue the merits of policy but are actually posting views that are contradicting who you are as a person then tell them!  Tell them how you feel when they appear to be siding with those who are actively pursuing laws that make the world a place where you have less freedom and it's harder for you to live without judgement.  

    And if that falls on deaf ears unfriend them.  Why on earth do you care about their feelings when they clearly are showing that your feelings are secondary? 
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    Block, unfriend and cut off contact. This is so gross. 

    There's a white couple in my neighborhood who had a "Blacks for Trumps" sign in the yard. I don't know them or know anything about them other than that they're white trumpers. Now I wonder if they're LW's parents. 
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    I deleted my dad and unfollowed my mom. I had to for my own sanity. Best decision. 
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    I find it deeply, deeply disturbing that these parents would adopt a Black child while spouting these views. Based on some of what LW says here, none of this is new, it's just that it's online now. 

    Anyway, LW, feel free to stop following/being friends with your parents on social media. Hell, if you think you'd be happier and healthier with them not in your life at all, then remove them from real life as well. 
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    If LW is working in Media why the heck do they not have the "Professional" and the "Personal" page that's locked down tighter than Fort Knox?!?!?!?!  The "personal" page should be what the parents are on, not necessarily the public one...  
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