Wedding Woes

Fabulous Friday

Work feels strange today, but in a good way.  I'm all alone, lol!  There are normally about 6 people in the room my cube is in.  But no one else is here today.

I have one mystery shop to do when I get off work, but it shouldn't take long.  Other than that, not much in the way of errands to run, so I'm glad to have freer Friday then I usually do.  Looking forward to the weekend.  I especially need some recuperation time!

I'm also excited that NOLA is having an unexpected Restaurant Week later this month.  Normally, August is Restaurant Month and then Restaurant Week is in Sept.  I'm hoping this unusual June one is a bonus to get the restaurant economy going and they will still have both of the other events later in the year.
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Re: Fabulous Friday

  • It's a busy day/weekend for us.

    Grocery pickup. Supper works delivery. Nugget delivery.
    {fyi - Nugget - I got snorkle}
    The Nugget | The original play couch | Free U.S. Shipping (

    I got a small helium tank and we're doing balloons tonight.

    Plus cleaning because it's BK's party tomorrow.

    Heard back from speech therapist. 8 month timeframe. *heavy eye roll & sigh*
    We do have webinars we can watch, but it's just ... urg 8 months.

    Have you ever looked at a short time frame and thought "I might lose my mind."
    5th - BK's party
    6th - M wants to go kayaking {maybe - weather pending}
    12th - visit M's nanny
    13th - so far nothing but that won't last
    19th - early Fathers Day for M - weather pending he's going fishing.
    20th - going with my mum to grave sites. Grampa, Nana and Poppa. I have never visited and ... idk, I feel ready this year?
    23rd - exam
    26th - sanding/painting toy box

    As you see, exam in there. Any free time - aka naps right now - I'll be studying.
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I am so glad it’s Friday. This week has been rough. I’m not completely sure what all my weekend plans are yet. I have a friend who is really struggling with severe PPD so I offered to go over there tonight and Sunday to help and be with her. She isn’t supposed to be alone at all right now. She hasn’t said anything back and I don’t want to push but I’d gladly go if she agreed. If that doesn’t happen there’s lot of hiking on the schedule for the weekend. Tomorrow I have an appointment to refresh my face and then FSIL and I are going shopping for our trip in July. 

    TW violence/DV

    Yesterday something horrible happened on my drive home. I’m like 90% sure I saw an abduction. The 10% differential is because it could have been DV. I was driving up the road (I say road but it’s more like a highway—it’s 4 lanes and the speed limit is 55) when this car pulled out of the gas station and was swerving all over the road. I started to call 911 to report a reckless/possibly drunk driver when I see that someone (a woman) is trying to get out of the vehicle on the passenger side. Like trying to kick it open and reach. I’m trying to make sense of what I’m seeing and they pull into a left hand turn lane. I pulled up next to them and I see this woman screaming, a man has his arm around her neck in a sleeper hold and she’s screaming “somebody please help me,” and is struggling to get away, but I can see that she’s starting to lose the battle with the sleeper hold. I yelled at him to let her go and then he took off again. I was already on the phone with 911 so I followed long enough to give some directions and the license plate and car. I feel so sick. I had my massage after which I was way too amped up to focus on and then I got home and had half a bottle of wine to try and get my mind off of it. I hate not knowing outcomes. I wish I knew if they found them and got her help. I can’t find anything online about it. 

  • ei34ei34 member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Oh gosh how awful @levioosa, after the week you’ve been having too. That’s really scary and stressful.  I totally get wanting to know the outcome.  I hope you’re calling 911 and being on top of it from the start helped. 
  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    @levioosa thank you for reaching out to help.  That's frightening.

    I'm in a mood.  Work is just...irritating me to a level that I'm going to have to truly start thinking about my future here.  I like the money, my job, and I have a handful of co-workers I like.  I also like the attorneys I work for, which is a really big deal to me (old timers will remember my story about Diva who was a narcisstic bully bastard of a boss and even now I'll still have emotional triggers from what he did to me).  But the other bullshit that's swirling around me is becoming exhausting to deal with.  I had a full on meltdown to one of my managers yesterday and was like, I don't even know WTF I'm doing, the parameters of my job, why my very hard work and analyses are not considered or followed so why am I even bothering, and the disrespect and inconsiderate things are getting to me.  I thought I liked our HR person, but she's on my list now. I just told her she was treating me like a pawn, not listening to me, and arguing with me, but it was fine, I understood where I was ranked now.  She didn't like that and I don't really fucking care right now.  I'm upset and that apparently is not enough to consider my thoughts and feelings vs. the "needs of the firm" which apparently I am not included in.  

    Okay, enough bitching.  I don't have any plans for the weekend except maybe seeing a movie and my out of town friend and her dog again.  She reached out and I said, Yes, i'd love to see you again and you can bring your dog, right?  She laughed at me and said yes.
  • @levioosa, that's is so upsetting!  Hopefully your call made the difference and police were able to find the car and help that woman.  But I can understand how haunting it is to not know if that happened. 
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    So glad it's Friday! This week has been busy and kinda tough too. I'm still struggling badly with my backfill. She was starting to act like she understood what to do over the last couple of weeks, so I thought she was doing better. Then this week (month end), she just went sideways. She scheduled 4 different meetings with me to try to help her do her report. That's on top of at least 3 with my former teammate. Then this morning, she sends an email to the two of us and tells us that she just can't do it and asks us to do it for her. I was tired of talking to her and tired of trying to coach her, so I just did it. I had a conversation with her manager yesterday and communicated that this has to end, but after today I want to follow that up. I'm just dumbfounded by this whole thing. 

    Anyway, vacation starts tomorrow, and it couldn't come soon enough!
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited June 4
    Wow @levioosa that’s a crazy story.  You did all you could do.  I’m sure the police did catch up and save her. I would have panicked in that situation!

    @VarunaTT didn’t you recently get a promo/job change there?  Has all of this been happening since then?  Could you go back to your old job duties?
    one of my friends got promoted to supervisor and HATED her new role.  Months later, she had a talk with her boss and they agreed to put her back as case worker.  May be a start?
    ei34 said:
    @CharmedPam the spa party sounds really nice...those lucky 9-year-olds!
    I know! I said “oooh you could wear a pretty sun dress!” To her and she’s like “umm you don’t wear dresses to the spa.  You wear sweatpants”.  And then laid out what she was already planning to wear :)
    sorry you’re going through all this crap:  i hope you get rid of him ASAP as well!

  • Jstump2Jstump2 member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited June 4
    I have so much on my plate right now that my head is spinning. H is an awesome partner and has done a lot of heavy lifting, but holey moley we have a lot to do! We have a multiple tab spreadsheet started for all things moving. We had a lot of friends/family offer their help and have formulated a game plan. There is just so many moving pieces!

     Tommorow is the home inspection on the new house then we are having friends over for an outside movie night to see reya the dragon now that it's out without premier access. Tommorow we want to stain our deck (it's small) in the morning then Sunday we take the kids to grandma's and we are heading to a cabin for two nights to celebrate our anniversary.  It will be nice to get away but also we have so much to do! We at least have a game plan but we need to execute now lol
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    @levioosa I have to hope that if you gave them so many details they followed up. 

    Last year on Aug 1st my aunt died suddenly.  I rushed over to be with my uncle, feed him and also make the calls to the family who needed to be informed.  It was as emotionally draining as you can imagine.  DH stayed with me and we left his place basically at dinner time.  We met my ILs at the marina (they had the kids) and ordered pizza.  The place is either a super short drive or about a 5 minute walk.  After the day I just asked if we could walk.  I wanted the fresh air and to talk to DH and feel like I could just walk the day away. 

    As we walked back to the marina with our pizza we were nearly hit by an SUV that swerved into the sidewalk.  The passenger door swung open and a woman's foot was outside.  We watched the car drive into a nearby driveway, the driver tossed a glass bottle out (it broke), and then he walked around the front of the vehicle to the passenger side where he opened the door and slapped the passenger (a woman) HARD.  I called 911 and two other women near ish to us did too.  As I'm talking to the operator he started walking to confront DH asking why we were getting involved in his business.  Nothing happened to us but they drove away just as the cops were driving by and I had to hope that the woman was OK.     

  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    This is long, sorry:

    @CharmedPam I received that promo (creating the training position) in September of last year, with a significant pay increase (probably about 2 years worth of normal increases).  It was taken away from me at the end of February.  

    I think I bitched plenty on here about the drama surrounding me even getting and performing the training position.  Then, the dark place I was in from February through April was b/c I was accused of a criminal act by a former employee.  I had to undergo a work investigation, then a police investigation, then another legal investigation over the course of 2 full months (started February 22 and finally ended for good [I think and hope} April 29th.  Each time it was, "there are no facts to support these allegations", even though I provided plenty of hard evidence that this person was lying and had more lined up to get including video footage.  Let me tell you how that fucks with your head, b/c it's not "Varuna is innocent", it's "there are no facts to support the allegation".  It makes you feel like you're seen as guilty.  The last investigation, I think, was final b/c the person was advised by their attorney to not appear for the deposition my attorney had subpoenaed and to drop the case.  They finally did so.  I feel safer now, but I don't really have a guarantee that this person won't come after me again.  It would be harder for them to after everything I've already been through, but this person has proven to be delusional and evil, so I trust nothing.

    As a result of the allegation, the position was taken away, though I was not fired and I was not made to take a pay decrease.  However, I struggle with being here, b/c it's still a place/source of trauma for me, even though with therapy and meds, that feeling is decreasing.  It might never go entirely away.  The entire ordeal was the hardest thing I've been through in my entire life and I suspect will have lingering effects in many areas of my life and mental health for a significant period of time.  This is where I had to have the talk about "suicidal thoughts are on a spectrum; not wanting to wake up and just disappear is a suicidal thought" with my therapist.  He didn't force me into an inpatient, but we had to talk a lot and my appointments got bumped to more frequently for awhile.

    They split the former managing paralegal's job (which included training) between the person who took over training after me, and me doing a case management and all of the analyses included with that, as well as any other administrative things the office needs for staff that wouldn't fall under HR.  This is where I'm struggling for a lot of reasons.  I at one point did request to go back to just being a regular paralegal, but was told I'd have to lose my pay increase and return to hourly rather than salary.  I don't so much care about the salaried portion, but with the breakup and living on my own, the salary decrease could really screw some things up for me.

    So, I feel sort of stuck b/c there are things I really love here that are definite positives including it finances the lifestyle I am accustomed to.  It feels like the negative things will eventually work themselves out, but I'm not sure. And you have to be careful moving between firms; working for some attorneys can be a horrible experience.  And I know my immediate feelings about this trauma will lessen over time.  I don't trust myself a lot right now, so making such a huge decision right now seems counter productive.
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Oh yeah . Rock.  Varuna. Hard place.

    Ugh!  I can see why you want to go elsewhere but can’t. So frustrating for you.  And all that stuff that happened must have been a mindfuck for sure.

    Is it in your busget to take a week off and go somewhere calming?  It may help to get away for 7 days at least?

  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    *hugs* @VarunaTT you’ve had such a rough year. I second CharmedPam at trying to get away for a little chunk of time to let yourself rest and recharge. 

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    @levioosa I hope your call was able to help. That is scary.

    @VarunaTT, I'm sorry you're going through all that.

    My new job is also turning out to be a mindfuck. My boss keeps talking at me and he keeps dragging into meetings where he throws around "Make a list" and "Game plan" 20 times in a row while talking about 50 things at a time and expecting me to be on top of each and every one while the person I'm reporting to gets ready to retire.

    I'm done. I'm applying for new jobs already. This place is never going to work.
  • @levioosa that is fucking scary. Regardless of the outcome, you did want you could do and it definitely helped. The license plate helped, the witness report helped.

    @VarunaTT and @Jen4948 good luck with you job woes. I hope both of your situations improve soon.

    Ssdd here. DS had swim class yesterday. DH and I don't love his teacher but our close friends have had their daughter with him for years so hoping we kind of get used to him and he mellows out as the kids get older. 
  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    So, I usually try to avoid using gifs that are stereotyped black people.  At the same time, I adore Chris Rock, I adore the movie this is from and I don't think his expression is stereotypical for "What?", so I'm going to justify it:

    What GIFs - Find amp Share on GIPHY
  • @VarunaTT, the bots crack me up sometimes with their weird posts that are totally off topic and bananas. 
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    So it wasn’t just me who was confused....

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