Tuesday

VarunaTT

Nothing too much to report.  I've been trying to concentrate on completely cutting out the bar scene and alcohol from my life.  Yesterday, I drove home a different way that doesn't take me past my local hangout and listened to a podcast called Sober Sisters that is just about the length of that drive to help out.  I don't think I have a problem with alcohol abuse, but even 1-2 drinks after work seems to interfere with my sleep, getting up the next morning, eating at home, working out, and budget, so it's time to just really start cutting it out.  It did seem to help.  The sisters seem pretty damn relatable and funny, which helps make the "social" aspect not quite so missed too.  I was laughing at them on the way home.  Hopefully this will become a new pattern that I can get instilled in myself.

Review:  I've been using the app Loona and even paid for the full year subscription.  It really does help me get to sleep faster.  Last night I was struggling with the new "sleepscape" b/c it took almost half an hour.  I've started trying to listen to the stories that go with the sleepscapes too and I don't think I've made it through one of those yet.  It took me a few days to be able to get my brain to calm down into it and focus, but now it's almost immediate.

Question:  Does anyone else suffer from night sweats?  I know it's because of my medication, but they are really starting to make me miserable.  I've googled a bit and can't really find anything except a med change or commiseration, but if anyone has any recommendations on controlling them, I'd love to hear/try it.

Otherwise, SSDD.  Too much work to do and not enough "me" or hours to get it all finished.

kerbohl

VarunaTT said:

Nothing too much to report.  I've been trying to concentrate on completely cutting out the bar scene and alcohol from my life.  Yesterday, I drove home a different way that doesn't take me past my local hangout and listened to a podcast called Sober Sisters that is just about the length of that drive to help out.  I don't think I have a problem with alcohol abuse, but even 1-2 drinks after work seems to interfere with my sleep, getting up the next morning, eating at home, working out, and budget, so it's time to just really start cutting it out.  It did seem to help.  The sisters seem pretty damn relatable and funny, which helps make the "social" aspect not quite so missed too.  I was laughing at them on the way home.  Hopefully this will become a new pattern that I can get instilled in myself.

Review:  I've been using the app Loona and even paid for the full year subscription.  It really does help me get to sleep faster.  Last night I was struggling with the new "sleepscape" b/c it took almost half an hour.  I've started trying to listen to the stories that go with the sleepscapes too and I don't think I've made it through one of those yet.  It took me a few days to be able to get my brain to calm down into it and focus, but now it's almost immediate.

Question:  Does anyone else suffer from night sweats?  I know it's because of my medication, but they are really starting to make me miserable.  I've googled a bit and can't really find anything except a med change or commiseration, but if anyone has any recommendations on controlling them, I'd love to hear/try it.

Otherwise, SSDD.  Too much work to do and not enough "me" or hours to get it all finished.

I think my favourite alcohol has started giving me headaches, so I'm also cutting alcohol out.  I haven't gotten to the stage of actually giving the alcohol in my house away (my parents like it as well, so they wouldn't mind having my "stash"), because I'm still hopefully that it was just a coincidence that I got a migraine immediately after drinking it.  I may be in denial ....

I wish I had suggestions about the night sweats.  Family members have to deal with that, and all they've been able to do is suffer through it.

MissKittyDanger

My tolerance for alcohol has dropped significantly, but on top of that - depending on the alcohol content - I find it gives me feelings of anxiety. Not anxiety per say, but that feeling?
Anyways, I'm not a big drinker and neither is M - we tend to have some around, and we've been more apt to have A drink in the past year but we're both like "We should just ... not." lately.

edit: 
my mum gets menopausal night sweats. She basically says best thing to do is dress down and have options - she hasn't purchased it yet, but a lot of good words on the blankets/sheets that are meant for people who run warm.

banana468

I'm with you that the older I get the less that I can tolerate.  And as much as I don't want to admit it, I just sleep better if I'm drinking only water at least an hour before bedtime (and if I'm not drunk!).   DH says it too as do mutual friends so we're just agreeing that this is aging. 

VarunaTT

@MissKittyDanger I've actually been reading about that.  One of the chemical processes of alcohol can increase feelings of anxiety b/c of what it does to the brain.  

Alcohol is so prevalent in American lives (so marketed all the damn time for everything in all spaces), then add queer culture, which has always been centered around the bar scene for many reasons, on top of that, and it's just annoying.  So many of my regular queer spaces were inaccessible during the pandemic, but the bar scene was still open here, so that's where I was going just to see friends.  The alcohol part just isn't serving me...I'm hoping that with the world reopening a bit more, I can start to transition my friendships away from the bar again.

MissKittyDanger

Not much update.
I got a hold of a speech therapist for BK - we're going to do the assessment in person but then it will be virtual appts unless they feel it's necessary to do in office. We're hoping more virtual because we'll be potty training and she'll need access to the potty obv.

They also said if there's any flags for things like ADD/ADHD, they cannot diagnose but will advise us and give us resources and numbers to reach someone about a diagnosis.
They gave us some options on wording with her in the mean time since she is in a defiant/control phase - ways to give her more control on a situation without us losing control
Like if she goes on time out, instead of trying to force her to say anything we say "you tell me when you're ready to get off time out" kinda deal. And more options.

I'm really hoping this works/helps

Casadena

I have an interview this afternoon for a really really great sounding job and I am super nervous.  Big drawback is that i'd have to commute downtown (we live in the burbs, so an hour+ each way).  With 2 kiddos under 2 I don't know that it's going to be the right move even if it goes well, but I'm excited to talk to them regardless.  My specific job function is a pretty small niche where almost everyone knows each other in the greater CHI area so it's always nice to leave a good impression too. 

Heat is horrible and my feet/ankles were gigantic last night. Don't want baby to come to early but i'm getting very ready to have them on the outside!  37 weeks this week so pretty much anytime.  Have a few more things to prep for maternity leave at work but SSDD otherwise!

CharmedPam

Good luck on that job interview @Casadena.  Doesnt hurt to go for it and weigh the options if the outcome is good!  Can you take the train in? You may like that option.  

SSDD for me.  I did beachbody’s Country Heat 2x in a row so pretty proud of that.  However, I don’t think a 1/2 hr dance is enough for me:  i think I need the other 1/2 in the gym on the bike, rower, skiier, etc.
I got to work and noticed I left my iced coffee at home.  I’m 10 minutes each way.  Sure, there’s a star bucks here too but my coffee at home as added vitamins and collegan.  Plus, it’s not that much more than the walk to starbucks.  So I went home to get it. You know what’s better than the first sip of coffee in the morning?  The first sip of cofffee you thought you never had a chance with. 

mrsconn23

The only suggestion I have for night sweats is a powerful fan, lowering the a/c, and making sure your air filter is replaced often to keep up the efficiency of the unit.  How miserable. That sucks.  DH and I need to get a couple summer weight blankets for our bed because the ones we have are too heavy and we're getting hot, tossing them off, getting cold because of the fan, and then pulling them back up (lather, rinse, repeat).  

Camp day 1, after a drop-off snafu, was a success.  DefConn was a very tired boy last night. 

DH and I have definitely been reevaluating our relationship with alcohol. We have definitely drank more in the last year and a half than we care to admit.  I'm listening to Glennon Doyle's "We Can Do Hard Things" podcast right now that is talking about addiction.  
 
On the aging and TMI front, I've been having some vag issues when it comes to sex.  My epi scar from having DefConn was really feeling sore for like a day after bcbc,  We switched lubes and it seems to be better.  I find it interesting that even though DH and I have been together for almost 20 years, I still struggle sometimes to bring up body stuff when it comes to sex with him. I mean, as soon as I told him about the issue and my concerns, he was immediately apologetic (even though so not his fault) and also wanted to brainstorm fixing it.  I guess I still have that little voice that's like, "this is unsexy", sometimes.  It just reminded me that I need to be better at advocating for myself, that DH will understand and be empathetic and also, he needs to be in the loop so he doesn't feel I'm having an issue with him (because I felt myself wanting to avoid sex).  If I'm still struggling with this when my annual comes around, I'm definitely bringing it up to my OB. 

Anyway...it's Tuesday.  LOL  

MissKittyDanger

Side note; I've got a few things set up for BK
And we're painting a few items to come. Bookshelf comes in a couple weeks. That's first purchase!

Bookshelf:
Mack & Milo™ Thure Kid Toy Storage Bench & Reviews | Wayfair.ca

Bed:
GREY - House Bed with Rails - Twin Size | Coco Village
{we agreed on this - rails can be removed}

Blanket:
Frozen 2 Kids Twin/Full Reversible Comforter and Sham Set with 4 Piece Full Sheet Set with Olaf Pillow and Throw | Walmart Canada

Rug:
Mickey Damask Light Grey Rug | Washable Rug | Ruggable

kerbohl

I just spent the first hour of my shift saving a file.  That's it - it kept saving improperly and I was losing elements.  I should look on the bright side that I don't have to spend the rest of the week rewriting the whole darn thing, but honestly, an hour just to save a file is ridiculous.  Day not off to a great start technologically.

@short+sassy Was it you with the IT issues last week?  I hope the curse of the IT hasn't passed from you to me ....

STARMOON44

VarunaTT said:

@MissKittyDanger I've actually been reading about that.  One of the chemical processes of alcohol can increase feelings of anxiety b/c of what it does to the brain.  

Alcohol is so prevalent in American lives (so marketed all the damn time for everything in all spaces), then add queer culture, which has always been centered around the bar scene for many reasons, on top of that, and it's just annoying.  So many of my regular queer spaces were inaccessible during the pandemic, but the bar scene was still open here, so that's where I was going just to see friends.  The alcohol part just isn't serving me...I'm hoping that with the world reopening a bit more, I can start to transition my friendships away from the bar again.

So many of my friends are either giving up totally, temporarily, or just drinking a lot less after last year (me included). We are all really enjoying non-alcoholic spirits, fancy setlzers, mock tails etc. I still drink but now at home I’ll have a full glass of seltzer with a splash of Aperol instead of a real drink. 

charlotte989875

STARMOON44 said:

VarunaTT said:

@MissKittyDanger I've actually been reading about that.  One of the chemical processes of alcohol can increase feelings of anxiety b/c of what it does to the brain.  

Alcohol is so prevalent in American lives (so marketed all the damn time for everything in all spaces), then add queer culture, which has always been centered around the bar scene for many reasons, on top of that, and it's just annoying.  So many of my regular queer spaces were inaccessible during the pandemic, but the bar scene was still open here, so that's where I was going just to see friends.  The alcohol part just isn't serving me...I'm hoping that with the world reopening a bit more, I can start to transition my friendships away from the bar again.

So many of my friends are either giving up totally, temporarily, or just drinking a lot less after last year (me included). We are all really enjoying non-alcoholic spirits, fancy setlzers, mock tails etc. I still drink but now at home I’ll have a full glass of seltzer with a splash of Aperol instead of a real drink. 

Me too! After pregnancy I just haven’t wanted to drink as much and have been enjoying really fun seltzers + juices and other non alcoholic beverages. 

I still love a great glass or red wine but the exhaustion & dehydration that it get from of it isn’t always worth it. 

charlotte989875

Onboarding a new team member this week whose laptop didn’t work yesterday and we couldn’t get him logged in to for half the day. He’s doing compliance training this morning while I listen to a meeting of people arguing. Literally just arguing with one another. 

banana468

Oh the new baby exhaustion and BF dehydration is no joke.  It took SO LONG to get back to any semblance of normal hydration.  

I remember when I changed employers when Chiquito was 4 months old.   I had to go to a local place to do the standard new hire physical including drug test.  I deliberately ordered a coffee and drank it on the way to the place so I would have to pee knowing what was coming and it was SO HARD to produce a sample.  I even apologized to the tester saying, "Look I know you need more but I am nursing a 4 month old and basically perpetually dehydrated." 

short+sassy

@VarunaTT, good luck with taking a break from alcohol.  Sounds like you will start feeling better, so it will be worth it.

As for night sweats, I had that happen a few years ago.  I thought I was going through early menopause but, upon doing more research, it says that can occasionally happen even up to 10 years before the big M.  For about 6 months, I would go through 1-3 weeks where that was happening.  Then it would stop for awhile, then it would start up again.  But then it just stopped entirely, which has been great!  I was worried I was going to be in for a long haul of that.

The only two things that really helped me were wearing a loose and very light, thin t-shirt or nightgown.  And have my a/c blowing full throttle.  I have a window unit for that.  It's across the room from my bed but that was close enough to work wonders because it was a constant blast of cold air.  I assume you have central a/c and heat in your apartment.  If that is not doing the trick, you can buy a portable a/c.  They still need to vent out of a window, but are simple to install.  "Install" is a strong word, lol.  It's a piece of plastic that is set into the window and the a/c's tube hooks into the middle of it.  That's about it.  In case of fire, it can be pulled out of the window (from the inside) in seconds.  It can't be pulled out, from the outside.  Unfortunately, they are (to me) surprisingly expensive...$300+...and cost more then window units, when comparing similar power levels.  This is the one we put in some of our rental units:

Amazon.com: BLACK+DECKER BPACT08WT Portable Air Conditioner, 8,000 BTU, White: Home & Kitchen

It has thousands of 4-5 star reviews.  An average bedroom is 100 square feet (10'x10') and this is rated to keep a room cool that is 150-200 square feet.  If your bedroom is larger then that, they also have a 10,000 BTU model.  Some of the negative reviews mention that water builds up and needs to be dumped out.  I suspect those are people who don't realize it needs to be vented out a window.  NOLA is one of the most humid places in the country.  We have three of these in various rental units and have never had one leak water or needed to have water dumped out of it.  It's $330, though I did see this cheaper one for $250:

Amazon.com: Rosewill Portable Air Conditioner 7000 BTU, AC Fan & Dehumidifier 3-in-1 Cool/Fan/Dehumidify w/Remote Control, Quiet Energy Efficient Self Evaporation AC Unit for Single Room Use, RHPA-18001: Home & Kitchen

So speaking of menopause.  While I was writing this post, I became curious as to the average age when menopause starts.  It is 51 years old!  GTFO.  That seems so young!  Especially since I'm only 4 years away from that, lol.  I thought it was more like mid 50s, but I guess not.

short+sassy

kerbohl said:

I just spent the first hour of my shift saving a file.  That's it - it kept saving improperly and I was losing elements.  I should look on the bright side that I don't have to spend the rest of the week rewriting the whole darn thing, but honestly, an hour just to save a file is ridiculous.  Day not off to a great start technologically.

@short+sassy Was it you with the IT issues last week?  I hope the curse of the IT hasn't passed from you to me ....

That was me last week!  I'm sorry if I jinxed you, lol.  Hopefully that is it for the IT issues and it won't be cascading tiles of IT problems.

I actually still need to resolve one from last week, but that is my own fault.  I need to call the client's global help desk and have been dreading/avoiding it.  The first "tier" will try to fix it.  But it's a Citrix problem.  So I'll spend 15-20 minutes with them before they also agree it's a Citrix problem and escalate me to one of the Citrix specialists.  Who will probably take a few days before they even call me back (sigh).

missJeanLouise

I love alcohol about 7% too much but with DH completely quitting alcohol I have also cut back dramatically this last year. It helps that my friends have all also had babies so everyone is drinking less in general and living in a country that doesn't have that engrained alcohol culture like the states. I quit drinking for a year when I was 25 because my life was a mess and I needed to. It is, to this day, the hardest and most rewarding thing I have ever done. I lost many friendships, had multiple breakdowns, and learned so much about myself. It was truly incredible.

Ssdd. 8ish weeks until DS and I go to the States. I feel very much in limbo here, like I don't know what to do with myself. I have a bunch of projects started but just can sit down to work on any of them. It's ridiculous.

ei34

I’m the opposite @short+sassy, I for some reason thought menopause started in like the mid40s…I asked my mom when she went through it after my last period because I can’t take the side effects, she said 49 and I was like “that old??” and she said it was young 😳

I haven’t really drank since getting pregnant with my oldest. No energy to enjoy it.  I have a few sips of white wine per year. I keep wine in for guests (not that we’ve had many recently) but don’t have helpful tips on reducing alcohol, as I don’t crave it physically or emotionally. 

About to zoom with my lawyer.  Received a hospital bill yesterday from son’s emergency surgery in November. $19,000 bc the surgeon was out of network. I’ve already spent too much time on the phone over it but it’s not resolved yet. 

levioosa

@VarunaTT I have terrible night sweats. FI says I turn into a furnace. The only thing to really help me is turning the air way down. In winter I handle it much better. Ironically the less clothes I wear the worse it seems to be so FI’s wish to have me sleep naked is a non-starter, lol. So light pants and a light t-shirt for me plus AC. I’ve heard a lot of good things about the bamboo sheets, they’re just so damn expensive for a good pair I haven’t bitten the bullet on them yet. 

RE: alcohol, I did drink a lot more than usual last year, but I started to cut way down last May. FI and I got a little crazy with the weekends and after last Memorial Day I decided I needed to scale it back and really work on my health. I’ve done a decent job and I even took a few five week breaks this year. I’m more concerned about FI because he’s never had a healthy approach with alcohol. 

Busy day at work today. I got a flat tire yesterday morning so I’m driving FIs car. It uses so much more gas and I drive so far. But if that’s the worst going on for the day I won’t complain. SSDD otherwise. 

ILoveBeachMusic

short+sassy said:

@VarunaTT, good luck with taking a break from alcohol.  Sounds like you will start feeling better, so it will be worth it.

As for night sweats, I had that happen a few years ago.  I thought I was going through early menopause but, upon doing more research, it says that can occasionally happen even up to 10 years before the big M.  For about 6 months, I would go through 1-3 weeks where that was happening.  Then it would stop for awhile, then it would start up again.  But then it just stopped entirely, which has been great!  I was worried I was going to be in for a long haul of that.

The only two things that really helped me were wearing a loose and very light, thin t-shirt or nightgown.  And have my a/c blowing full throttle.  I have a window unit for that.  It's across the room from my bed but that was close enough to work wonders because it was a constant blast of cold air.  I assume you have central a/c and heat in your apartment.  If that is not doing the trick, you can buy a portable a/c.  They still need to vent out of a window, but are simple to install.  "Install" is a strong word, lol.  It's a piece of plastic that is set into the window and the a/c's tube hooks into the middle of it.  That's about it.  In case of fire, it can be pulled out of the window (from the inside) in seconds.  It can't be pulled out, from the outside.  Unfortunately, they are (to me) surprisingly expensive...$300+...and cost more then window units, when comparing similar power levels.  This is the one we put in some of our rental units:

Amazon.com: BLACK+DECKER BPACT08WT Portable Air Conditioner, 8,000 BTU, White: Home & Kitchen

It has thousands of 4-5 star reviews.  An average bedroom is 100 square feet (10'x10') and this is rated to keep a room cool that is 150-200 square feet.  If your bedroom is larger then that, they also have a 10,000 BTU model.  Some of the negative reviews mention that water builds up and needs to be dumped out.  I suspect those are people who don't realize it needs to be vented out a window.  NOLA is one of the most humid places in the country.  We have three of these in various rental units and have never had one leak water or needed to have water dumped out of it.  It's $330, though I did see this cheaper one for $250:

Amazon.com: Rosewill Portable Air Conditioner 7000 BTU, AC Fan & Dehumidifier 3-in-1 Cool/Fan/Dehumidify w/Remote Control, Quiet Energy Efficient Self Evaporation AC Unit for Single Room Use, RHPA-18001: Home & Kitchen

So speaking of menopause.  While I was writing this post, I became curious as to the average age when menopause starts.  It is 51 years old!  GTFO.  That seems so young!  Especially since I'm only 4 years away from that, lol.  I thought it was more like mid 50s, but I guess not.

Peri menopause can be going on ten years before menopause actually hits. That exact same thing happened to me! I would break out in full sweats! Drove me nuts. My ob/gyn told that wasn't unusual. It went away and came back until I finally went through menopause at around 50. I went on HRT to control the constant hot flashes a couple of years into menopause because I just couldn't deal with them. I've been weaning off of the HRT over the last few years and am on the minimum dose now. 

Not much going on today. Ordered birthday cakes, worked out and am going to look at more tile this afternoon. I was going to do some yard work but a torrential downpour put a full stop on that. 

VarunaTT

So, it's weird b/c my night sweats are not related to body temperature at all since it's from my Lexapro (I never had them until I started the med and if I skip a few days, they'll stop).  So I can be completely freezing and still drenched in sweat.  It was miserable over the winter b/c I'd be drenched and trying to get under covers shivering.  Now it's getting miserable b/c the stupid AC is making me cold b/c of the sweat and I'm diving under the covers again.  Argh.

I am thinking about trying the bamboo sheets, just b/c they're also supposed to help wick away and I'm looking at a different mattress cover for helping the same thing.  It's so gross, I've actually gotten up and changed pajamas before because they were so drenched.  I think wearing PJs helps just b/c it soaks it up, but I change PJs every night now, rather than every 2-3.  I have my annual coming up so I'll talk to my PCP about it; I don't think I'm in a mental health position to stop taking the med and they work, so I don't like the idea of experimenting with a new Rx.

Thanks ladies.

ETA:  One of the sober sites I started following for encouragement has something called "Mingle" mocktails recommended and I'm trying to find them for kayaking.

short+sassy

ei34 said:

I’m the opposite @short+sassy, I for some reason thought menopause started in like the mid40s…I asked my mom when she went through it after my last period because I can’t take the side effects, she said 49 and I was like “that old??” and she said it was young 😳

I haven’t really drank since getting pregnant with my oldest. No energy to enjoy it.  I have a few sips of white wine per year. I keep wine in for guests (not that we’ve had many recently) but don’t have helpful tips on reducing alcohol, as I don’t crave it physically or emotionally. 

About to zoom with my lawyer.  Received a hospital bill yesterday from son’s emergency surgery in November. $19,000 bc the surgeon was out of network. I’ve already spent too much time on the phone over it but it’s not resolved yet. 

One article I read said the onset of menopause is highly genetic.  That the best indicator of when menopause will start for a woman is when it started for her mother.

Factors that can hasten it are smoking and some cancers/surgeries that affect female organs.

CharmedPam

Funny all this alcohol conversation is coming up.  M called me an alcoholic on Sunday.
I’m still processing it. 

charlotte989875

CharmedPam said:

Funny all this alcohol conversation is coming up.  M called me an alcoholic on Sunday.
I’m still processing it. 

Woah, like he was serious? 

MissKittyDanger

CharmedPam said:

Funny all this alcohol conversation is coming up.  M called me an alcoholic on Sunday.
I’m still processing it. 

Wait what?

mrsconn23

CharmedPam said:

Funny all this alcohol conversation is coming up.  M called me an alcoholic on Sunday.
I’m still processing it. 

In jest is one thing, but if he means it...that's a lot.  And also, out of line. 

banana468

mrsconn23 said:

CharmedPam said:

Funny all this alcohol conversation is coming up.  M called me an alcoholic on Sunday.
I’m still processing it. 

In jest is one thing, but if he means it...that's a lot.  And also, out of line. 

Right - is he serious?  

CharmedPam

mrsconn23 said:

CharmedPam said:

Funny all this alcohol conversation is coming up.  M called me an alcoholic on Sunday.
I’m still processing it. 

In jest is one thing, but if he means it...that's a lot.  And also, out of line. 

Oh, he meant it.  He usually drinks a beer or two.  So it was a case of anyone who drinks more than that - is an alcoholic to him.  Usually I match his 2 for 2 when we go out... but Saturday I over indulged and enjoyed myself at a comedy club *gasp*.  I hate when people misuse that word.  This is why I’m still processing it.

missJeanLouise

CharmedPam said:

Funny all this alcohol conversation is coming up.  M called me an alcoholic on Sunday.
I’m still processing it. 

I hate how loosely the term alcoholic is thrown around. It is one thing to have an alcohol habit, like I did when I had to quit when I was 25, and to be an alcoholic, like DH is. It is one of my biggest pet peeves.

mrsconn23

CharmedPam said:

mrsconn23 said:

CharmedPam said:

Funny all this alcohol conversation is coming up.  M called me an alcoholic on Sunday.
I’m still processing it. 

In jest is one thing, but if he means it...that's a lot.  And also, out of line. 

Oh, he meant it.  He usually drinks a beer or two.  So it was a case of anyone who drinks more than that - is an alcoholic to him.  Usually I match his 2 for 2 when we go out... but Saturday I over indulged and enjoyed myself at a comedy club *gasp*.  I hate when people misuse that word.  This is why I’m still processing it.

Oh yeah, that's not cool.   Even if you got shit-faced-falling-down-drunk every night, it's really not for him to be putting that out there.  I know to some people it's a misguided way to say they're concerned, but it's always, always an accusation and judgement.  I can see why you're still processing it.  His relationship with alcohol has nothing to do with yours.  I'm sorry he did that.  I hope y'all can talk it out and come to an understanding.