Wedding Woes

This is trauma and guilt. Try to see it from that POV.

Dear Prudence,

My sister was the driver in a horrific car accident that killed her best friends. The couple left behind “Emily,” a 1-year-old. Emily has grandparents who love her and care for her, but my sister insists she is basically Little Orphan Annie. She spoils Emily outrageously. Emily has been to Europe four times and Disney World a dozen. Her birthdays, hosted by my sister, are scripted events with party planners. Emily can barely add something to her Amazon wish list before my sister buys it for her.

I have four children. My sister sends them $100 on their birthday and for Christmas. She sees them at our parents’ home but hasn’t offered to spend one-on-one time since she babysat for a week while my husband and I went on our second honeymoon. My daughter has asked me why her aunt doesn’t like her as much as Emily. I have tried talking with my sister, and she dismisses me, saying Emily “needs” her. I finally snapped and told her she needs Emily because she feels she killed her parents. The accident wasn’t her fault, and taking Emily to Disney World again isn’t going to bring them back, but she is alienating her actual nieces and nephews. My sister went quiet, then told me to go die and then we can compare Emily’s situation to my children. Until then she was done with my “greed.”

—Sad Sister

Re: This is trauma and guilt. Try to see it from that POV.

  • LW is supremely out of line and owes the sister an apology. 

    Look - I can see that the sister is clearly "favoring" the child who has been orphaned. 

    The LW is also being super greedy and not understanding.  If she's raising her child with P/A comments about Emily and her sister then of course the child is asking questions.  

    The correct response is, "Life is different for everyone."  
    mrsconn23STARMOON44
  • LW is way out of line. How the sister spends her money is no ones business but also she’s spending what $800 a year on LWs kids? And LW doesn’t think that is enough? 

    LW needs to apologize to her sister and explain to her kids that their aunt loves them and loves Emily too. And maybe also that love doesn’t mean presents and trips. 
    STARMOON44mrsconn23ei34
  • LW is way out of line. How the sister spends her money is no ones business but also she’s spending what $800 a year on LWs kids? And LW doesn’t think that is enough? 

    LW needs to apologize to her sister and explain to her kids that their aunt loves them and loves Emily too. And maybe also that love doesn’t mean presents and trips. 
    Also a good point.  Sis is spending upwards of $800/year on the kids and who knows if there may be incidentals out there.  It's not like her kids are ignored and frankly, they aren't owed anything in the first place. 

    This isn't a situation of clear favoritism of one set of grandparents.  It's quite clearly a unique set of circumstances and LW's calling the kid "Little Orphan Annie" shows how out of tune she is.  
    STARMOON44mrsconn23VarunaTT
  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited June 10
    I totally agree with @mrsconn23.

    I just have to say, Holy shit LW.  H.O.L.Y. S.H.I.T.  The cruelty.  I'm not even sure I'd let a person back into my life who said that to me.

    ETA:  I'm talking about LW's sister not letting LW back into sis's life.  Just to clarify.
    mrsconn23STARMOON44levioosacharlotte989875
  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    LW - it's a simple case here of YATAH and owe the sister an apology..  Sister is dealing with guilt and trauma not favoritism...  
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • kvrunskvruns member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I'm old what is YATAH

    oh wait  you are the asshole? 
    mrsconn23
  • kvruns said:
    I'm old what is YATAH

    oh wait  you are the asshole? 
    I think so.  LOL  
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Wow this LW is an asshole. 

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