Y'all are both wrong.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

My cousin and I are not close, but our parents are. She had a stillbirth about eight years ago and named the baby after her late mom. I am having a girl and naming her after my husband’s mom and late grandma. There is a vague overlap with my cousin’s baby’s name—think Juliana and Lianna.

I didn’t know she had my number until she called and started to rant at me for being selfish and “stealing” her dead baby’s name. Also, I apparently had a “childhood grudge” against her. I told her she was acting crazy and to get professional help.

I was not in the loop that she was mentally unwell and in therapy. But after our conversation, my cousin made enough suicide-leaning social media posts that my uncle got the authorities involved. The family has decided to rally around my cousin to scapegoat me, saying I should have been more sensitive. How do we deal with the fallout?

—Baby Name Baffled

MyNameIsNot

And this is why we don't use mental health as a weapon and demonize people who are ill. You suck, LW. 

mrsconn23

I think cousin is weaponizing their grief, but LW should have either ignored said cousin or maybe asked some questions.  Dismissing her by calling her 'crazy' and giving no care to the impact that could have had on her makes LW an asshole.  

If one of my cousins called me up out of the blue and started ranting and raving at me over a baby name and childhood transgressions, I'd be asking for more details from other family members. LW was aware enough to know about the stillbirth, so they really stuck their foot in it by being rude and insensitive. 

CharmedPam

I didn’t take LW’s tone as demoralizing her cousin though.  Maybe she said it with sincerity?  

charlotte989875

You should have been more sensitive LW- you don’t know her enough to know she’s struggling but chose to call her crazy and to get professional help? Surely you had to know that wasn’t going. To go well. 

Your cousin is of course out of line for calling you up and saying those things. But in this case you should have said “I’m sorry you feel that way” and ended the conversation. 

banana468

mrsconn23 said:

I think cousin is weaponizing their grief, but LW should have either ignored said cousin or maybe asked some questions.  Dismissing her by calling her 'crazy' and giving no care to the impact that could have had on her makes LW an asshole.  

If one of my cousins called me up out of the blue and started ranting and raving at me over a baby name and childhood transgressions, I'd be asking for more details from other family members. LW was aware enough to know about the stillbirth, so they really stuck their foot in it by being rude and insensitive. 

Agreed.  

If that call came from out of the blue I think the LW is the AH here because her first reaction was name calling and defensiveness rather than attempting to understand.  

Cousin is also not correct either but LW owes the apology for her reaction.   

Turning her into the family scapegoat is not cool but the LW has some serious damage control to do here rather than stomp feet. 

CharmedPam

It all depends on how and what was said.
”you’re crazy” is different than “you’re acting crazy” to me. 

short+sassy

They both acted terribly.  The LW didn't even have a reason to be a jerk!  Even if she didn't know about her cousin's mental health, she did know her cousin had a still born baby with a similar name.  The LW isn't wrong for choosing the name she did for her own daughter, but she should have treated her cousin's ranting with more empathy.  For example, pointing out it wasn't exactly the same name and it is an important name in her H's family.  I'd like to assume she did say this, if she'd gotten the chance.

But if the cousin was ranting too much to even get a word in edgewise, then the LW should have ended the call.  Something like (in a calm voice), "I'm sorry, but it's impossible for us to have a conversation while you are this upset.  I need to go."