You are bi, so grab those opportunities.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I’m a young writer, and I’ve begun to submit some of my short stories for online publications. I’ve noticed that several publications encourage members of the LGBTQ+ community to submit to them, some even waving submission fees and restrictions to those who openly identify their sexuality in their cover letters. Here’s the thing: I’m bi but have only recently begun to feel comfortable with this label. I’ve also only been in heterosexual relationships and don’t feel that my queerness amasses much real estate in my identity. My question is, should I identify myself as a queer writer to these magazines? Something about claiming fee-waivers or bypassing restrictions makes me uncomfortable, since I know that others have been far more marginalized for their sexualities than I have. That said, I also don’t know if my hesitation is rooted in some deeply internalized biphobia I still need to work through. What do you think I should do?

— Shy Bi Writer

STARMOON44

I think you are bi, and these opportunities are open to you, and you should go for it. But if you’re not at a place where you are comfortable with doing that, it’s okay. You don’t need to immediately be 109% confident. 

short+sassy

I don't think there is anything wrong with the LW taking advantage of those opportunities.  The "qualifier" is does someone's sexuality fall under the LGBTQ category.  Not "has someone endured enough suffering and discrimination because their sexuality falls under the LGBTQ category".

With that said, if personally the LW feels that getting special consideration isn't in their own definition of the "spirit" of those considerations, than they shouldn't.  Only because it seems like it will make them feel bad to do it, which is really the opposite of what those special terms are trying to do for LGBTQ writers. 

VarunaTT

Dear Bisexual LW,

We don't have punch cards to determine/prove our bisexuality here. 

The status of your relationship is determined by your sexuality.  You are bi, which means you're attracted to multiple genders, including your own.  Your relationship with a (presumably) opposite gender person doesn't mean it's a heterosexual relationship...it's still a queer one b/c YOU are queer

You're welcome at any time.

Love,

A Person Who Knows What It Feels Like to Fight Internalized Biphobia

I will probably never be able to totally forgive my own community for the fact that I was considered "more" valid in my queerness when I started dating K and that it went even high validity when K came out as non-binary.  It hurt, dammit.

MyNameIsNot

You are bi, LW. There is no such thing as bi enough. Your sexuality is not defined by your dating or other history. 

If you don't want to accept the fee waiver and can afford it, feel free to pay your way or donate matching funds to a cause that supports LGBTQ+ youth or at risk populations. 

ETA: Also, there are an insane number of people out there that are or have gone through this internalized biphobia and not feeling LGBTQ enough. You should write about it. 

VarunaTT

MyNameIsNot said:

You are bi, LW. There is no such thing as bi enough. Your sexuality is not defined by your dating or other history. 

If you don't want to accept the fee waiver and can afford it, feel free to pay your way or donate matching funds to a cause that supports LGBTQ+ youth or at risk populations. 

ETA: Also, there are an insane number of people out there that are or have gone through this internalized biphobia and not feeling LGBTQ enough. You should write about it. 

This is so true; I love this idea.  So much of my own battle against it has only been successful in the last maybe 7 years?  And I've been openly bi since I was 19 and dated many different genders before and after marriage to a cis man.  And there really aren't a lot of bi writers or advocates out there.

MyNameIsNot

I was thinking that from the same place. I only partially came out in my early 20s and then wound up marrying a cis man. This is super stupid, but TikTok of all places is where I finally started to feel reconnected. Thank you lesbian thirst traps. 

MissKittyDanger

MyNameIsNot said:

I was thinking that from the same place. I only partially came out in my early 20s and then wound up marrying a cis man. This is super stupid, but TikTok of all places is where I finally started to feel reconnected. Thank you lesbian thirst traps. 

Tbh I've been questioning if I'm bi because of this.

VarunaTT

MissKittyDanger said:

MyNameIsNot said:

I was thinking that from the same place. I only partially came out in my early 20s and then wound up marrying a cis man. This is super stupid, but TikTok of all places is where I finally started to feel reconnected. Thank you lesbian thirst traps. 

Tbh I've been questioning if I'm bi because of this.

Full confession time:  I love my lesbian/bi thirst traps...until they show their partner.  Then I get all envious (thank you therapy for the difference between envy and jealousy) and have to stop following them.  You had one job for me, thirst trap, ONE JOB!!  



Also, I don't think it's stupid.  I told someone that Tik Tok has actually been really good for my  mental health in myriad of ways.

MissKittyDanger

VarunaTT said:

MissKittyDanger said:

MyNameIsNot said:

I was thinking that from the same place. I only partially came out in my early 20s and then wound up marrying a cis man. This is super stupid, but TikTok of all places is where I finally started to feel reconnected. Thank you lesbian thirst traps. 

Tbh I've been questioning if I'm bi because of this.

Full confession time:  I love my lesbian/bi thirst traps...until they show their partner.  Then I get all envious (thank you therapy for the difference between envy and jealousy) and have to stop following them.  You had one job for me, thirst trap, ONE JOB!!  



Also, I don't think it's stupid.  I told someone that Tik Tok has actually been really good for my  mental health in myriad of ways.

I fell into the mental health portion of TikTok recently and realized a lot about myself. I actually now follow a therapist who has work aside from TikTok and she's been really good.