Monday!

charlotte989875

mrsconn23 said:

Oh that's some bullshit, @CharmedPam.  I'd strongly encourage your parents to start picking and choosing when they're 'available' to babysit because they might have errands or something. 

Furthermore how are your parents safe enough to babysit, but not drive them places? What the hell kind of logic are the operating with here? Can you talk to your brother and see if you can garner a reason and/or tell him that it's some fuckery to do this to your parents?  

I hate the family preference shit when there's no damn reason for it.  

Also what happens when they’re babysitting & they need to take the kids someone (like in an emergency). God forbid that ever happen but seriously either you’re okay with them being responsible for the safety of your children when you’re not around, or your not. 

I get if there was a history or accidents, mental acuity, whatever but if not? Then this sucks. 

CharmedPam

Oh @kerbohl, I misread! I thought it was like a sandwich  platter for a pre meal or something.  I did that.  I brought in subway sandwiches for lunch for everyone staying in the lodge where the wedding took place. 

Yeah.  I told my friends it was better when we thought NO ONE could take them anywhere.  The only leeway he has is if this is a new thing, like just instilled this weekend that someone can take them somewhere.  I’m going to ask my parents to suggest it another time to test that theory.  They also has an 8 month old, but since she’s nursing that baby stays with her.  Most of the time, they’re asked to babysit while they work on the farm. Sometimes, a very rare sometimes, they’re not around.  Yes, you heard right they have a 4.5 year old, 3 year old and 8 month old.  It’s craziness in that household.
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ILoveBeachMusic

CharmedPam said:

Oh @kerbohl, I misread! I thought it was like a sandwich  platter for a pre meal or something.  I did that.  I brought in subway sandwiches for lunch for everyone staying in the lodge where the wedding took place. 

Yeah.  I told my friends it was better when we thought NO ONE could take them anywhere.  The only leeway he has is if this is a new thing, like just instilled this weekend that someone can take them somewhere.  I’m going to ask my parents to suggest it another time to test that theory.  They also has an 8 month old, but since she’s nursing that baby stays with her.  Most of the time, they’re asked to babysit while they work on the farm. Sometimes, a very rare sometimes, they’re not around.  Yes, you heard right they have a 4.5 year old, 3 year old and 8 month old.  It’s craziness in that household.
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LOL no crazier than DD's 2- 3 year old and a 3 month old. We can drive the boys anywhere as long as we install car seats of course. I know we are the preferred babysitters over the other grandparents because the other ones aren't comfortable around little ones (especially babies). Those grandparents are our age so it isn't that they are too old, DD and SIL just don't feel like they can handle 3 little ones. I think they stayed with the twins once when they were toddlers but never babies. That grandfather doesn't even hold babies so it would be hard for them to babysit or stay overnight with 3 little ones. That's fine - I don't mind doing it, but once in a while it would be nice if they could do it.

STARMOON44

I dunno I feel like if we heard this story from the other side it would be your kids your rules and you get to say whose car they go in and whose they don’t. I agree it’s hurtful but I think pushing isn’t going to do anything but upset everyone. 

CharmedPam

Agreed, their kids, their rules - but I’d like to know why her side is deemed worthy enough and not ours?  

flantastic

CharmedPam said:

Agreed, their kids, their rules - but I’d like to know why her side is deemed worthy enough and not ours?  

I think overall, you don't need to be involved in this, unless your parents need to vent. This is between your parents and them.

If your parents want to have a frank discussion - "Hey, we are needing to understand your reasoning here about the driving, since I'm not sure whether you truly trust us to take care of the children in an emergency. If you don't care to explain, that's your prerogative, but then we don't feel comfortable taking on the babysitting as often."

ETA - "sides" may or may not have anything to do with it, but framing it that way will only lead to resentment and frustration.

mrsconn23

STARMOON44 said:

I dunno I feel like if we heard this story from the other side it would be your kids your rules and you get to say whose car they go in and whose they don’t. I agree it’s hurtful but I think pushing isn’t going to do anything but upset everyone. 

I understand this argument, but the flip side of it is that they need to stop asking for babysitting services from Charmed parents then because they don't fully trust them.  I'd personally not leave my kid with someone for several hours that I didn't trust to drive them anywhere.  They are going off to work on a farm. So it doesn't sound like it's just a couple hours, but a full day. A lot of stuff can happen in 6-10 hours and it may require leaving to take care of it. 

And as pointed out, what if there is an emergency? 

Or FFS, what if they need to make a store run or something?   I know if that was the case, back in the day, my parents would divide and conquer.  Dad would take the older ones to the store and mom would keep the younger at home with her.  

IMO, trying to get a reason why the rules are different for grandparents vs. aunts/uncles (or her side vs his side) isn't out of line.  Charmed parents have to figure out what to do about the answer or a lack of one.  And just in my experience, if one of my sisters had some seemingly arbitrary rule regarding their kids that upset my parents, I'd be asking questions too.  But that's how our relationship operates. 

STARMOON44

mrsconn23 said:

STARMOON44 said:

I dunno I feel like if we heard this story from the other side it would be your kids your rules and you get to say whose car they go in and whose they don’t. I agree it’s hurtful but I think pushing isn’t going to do anything but upset everyone. 

I understand this argument, but the flip side of it is that they need to stop asking for babysitting services from Charmed parents then because they don't fully trust them.  I'd personally not leave my kid with someone for several hours that I didn't trust to drive them anywhere.  They are going off to work on a farm. So it doesn't sound like it's just a couple hours, but a full day. A lot of stuff can happen in 6-10 hours and it may require leaving to take care of it. 

And as pointed out, what if there is an emergency? 

Or FFS, what if they need to make a store run or something?   I know if that was the case, back in the day, my parents would divide and conquer.  Dad would take the older ones to the store and mom would keep the younger at home with her.  

IMO, trying to get a reason why the rules are different for grandparents vs. aunts/uncles (or her side vs his side) isn't out of line.  Charmed parents have to figure out what to do about the answer or a lack of one.  And just in my experience, if one of my sisters had some seemingly arbitrary rule regarding their kids that upset my parents, I'd be asking questions too.  But that's how our relationship operates. 

If her parents don’t want to babysit at all unless they are allowed to do 100% of the things, that’s their prerogative. I doesn’t strike me as outlandish to be ok with baby sitting but not driving, and in an emergency you’d either drive because you have to or call an ambulance. I just think often in situations like this, pressing for an explanation and getting worked up is counter productive. Better to be like “absolutely we respect your wishes whatever you want” and they’re more likely to come around. 

ILoveBeachMusic

STARMOON44 said:

mrsconn23 said:

STARMOON44 said:

I dunno I feel like if we heard this story from the other side it would be your kids your rules and you get to say whose car they go in and whose they don’t. I agree it’s hurtful but I think pushing isn’t going to do anything but upset everyone. 

I understand this argument, but the flip side of it is that they need to stop asking for babysitting services from Charmed parents then because they don't fully trust them.  I'd personally not leave my kid with someone for several hours that I didn't trust to drive them anywhere.  They are going off to work on a farm. So it doesn't sound like it's just a couple hours, but a full day. A lot of stuff can happen in 6-10 hours and it may require leaving to take care of it. 

And as pointed out, what if there is an emergency? 

Or FFS, what if they need to make a store run or something?   I know if that was the case, back in the day, my parents would divide and conquer.  Dad would take the older ones to the store and mom would keep the younger at home with her.  

IMO, trying to get a reason why the rules are different for grandparents vs. aunts/uncles (or her side vs his side) isn't out of line.  Charmed parents have to figure out what to do about the answer or a lack of one.  And just in my experience, if one of my sisters had some seemingly arbitrary rule regarding their kids that upset my parents, I'd be asking questions too.  But that's how our relationship operates. 

If her parents don’t want to babysit at all unless they are allowed to do 100% of the things, that’s their prerogative. I doesn’t strike me as outlandish to be ok with baby sitting but not driving, and in an emergency you’d either drive because you have to or call an ambulance. I just think often in situations like this, pressing for an explanation and getting worked up is counter productive. Better to be like “absolutely we respect your wishes whatever you want” and they’re more likely to come around. 

But if the parents don't know that the grandparents are confused about the arrangement why would they ever come around. I disagree about what to do in an emergency. If you don't have the correct car seat you are breaking the law but calling an ambulance might be overkill. I do think that if a person is babysitting they should be allowed to drive the children if necessary. We have had to drive one of the twins to the doctor because he was sick while DD and SIL were out of town. It wasn't ambulance worthy but of course we wouldn't have been staying overnight if we weren't able to drive them if needed.

mrsconn23

ILoveBeachMusic said:

STARMOON44 said:

mrsconn23 said:

STARMOON44 said:

I dunno I feel like if we heard this story from the other side it would be your kids your rules and you get to say whose car they go in and whose they don’t. I agree it’s hurtful but I think pushing isn’t going to do anything but upset everyone. 

I understand this argument, but the flip side of it is that they need to stop asking for babysitting services from Charmed parents then because they don't fully trust them.  I'd personally not leave my kid with someone for several hours that I didn't trust to drive them anywhere.  They are going off to work on a farm. So it doesn't sound like it's just a couple hours, but a full day. A lot of stuff can happen in 6-10 hours and it may require leaving to take care of it. 

And as pointed out, what if there is an emergency? 

Or FFS, what if they need to make a store run or something?   I know if that was the case, back in the day, my parents would divide and conquer.  Dad would take the older ones to the store and mom would keep the younger at home with her.  

IMO, trying to get a reason why the rules are different for grandparents vs. aunts/uncles (or her side vs his side) isn't out of line.  Charmed parents have to figure out what to do about the answer or a lack of one.  And just in my experience, if one of my sisters had some seemingly arbitrary rule regarding their kids that upset my parents, I'd be asking questions too.  But that's how our relationship operates. 

If her parents don’t want to babysit at all unless they are allowed to do 100% of the things, that’s their prerogative. I doesn’t strike me as outlandish to be ok with baby sitting but not driving, and in an emergency you’d either drive because you have to or call an ambulance. I just think often in situations like this, pressing for an explanation and getting worked up is counter productive. Better to be like “absolutely we respect your wishes whatever you want” and they’re more likely to come around. 

But if the parents don't know that the grandparents are confused about the arrangement why would they ever come around. I disagree about what to do in an emergency. If you don't have the correct car seat you are breaking the law but calling an ambulance might be overkill. I do think that if a person is babysitting they should be allowed to drive the children if necessary. We have had to drive one of the twins to the doctor because he was sick while DD and SIL were out of town. It wasn't ambulance worthy but of course we wouldn't have been staying overnight if we weren't able to drive them if needed.

Yup on both bolded. 

Why would Charmed's brother know they were upset/confused if it's not been brought up?  There is a way to broach this without being accusatory about them 'taking sides'. 

This area doesn't have decent (really, any) public transportation, so driving is the only option. I wouldn't be comfortable watching someone's kid for more than an hour or two without the option to take them somewhere. It's 99% likely we'd be here at the house, but if it was a regular thing where we were watching them for several hours at a time (like this situation seems), I'd need the ability to leave my house with the permission of the parent(s).  

MyNameIsNot

ILoveBeachMusic said:

STARMOON44 said:

mrsconn23 said:

STARMOON44 said:

I dunno I feel like if we heard this story from the other side it would be your kids your rules and you get to say whose car they go in and whose they don’t. I agree it’s hurtful but I think pushing isn’t going to do anything but upset everyone. 

I understand this argument, but the flip side of it is that they need to stop asking for babysitting services from Charmed parents then because they don't fully trust them.  I'd personally not leave my kid with someone for several hours that I didn't trust to drive them anywhere.  They are going off to work on a farm. So it doesn't sound like it's just a couple hours, but a full day. A lot of stuff can happen in 6-10 hours and it may require leaving to take care of it. 

And as pointed out, what if there is an emergency? 

Or FFS, what if they need to make a store run or something?   I know if that was the case, back in the day, my parents would divide and conquer.  Dad would take the older ones to the store and mom would keep the younger at home with her.  

IMO, trying to get a reason why the rules are different for grandparents vs. aunts/uncles (or her side vs his side) isn't out of line.  Charmed parents have to figure out what to do about the answer or a lack of one.  And just in my experience, if one of my sisters had some seemingly arbitrary rule regarding their kids that upset my parents, I'd be asking questions too.  But that's how our relationship operates. 

If her parents don’t want to babysit at all unless they are allowed to do 100% of the things, that’s their prerogative. I doesn’t strike me as outlandish to be ok with baby sitting but not driving, and in an emergency you’d either drive because you have to or call an ambulance. I just think often in situations like this, pressing for an explanation and getting worked up is counter productive. Better to be like “absolutely we respect your wishes whatever you want” and they’re more likely to come around. 

But if the parents don't know that the grandparents are confused about the arrangement why would they ever come around. I disagree about what to do in an emergency. If you don't have the correct car seat you are breaking the law but calling an ambulance might be overkill. I do think that if a person is babysitting they should be allowed to drive the children if necessary. We have had to drive one of the twins to the doctor because he was sick while DD and SIL were out of town. It wasn't ambulance worthy but of course we wouldn't have been staying overnight if we weren't able to drive them if needed.

Agree with this. Emergency doesn't necessarily mean the kid needs to go to the ER. Normally when I keep my sister's kids, we just swap cars so that we don't have to move around car seats. Once I was keeping my nephew as a baby and for whatever reason we didn't, so I couldn't leave. I was only supposed to have him for an hour or two so didn't think it was a big deal, but sometimes multiple blow outs happen and you don't have enough extra diapers or clothes. So I walked a mile to walmart carrying an angry baby. 

A few years later, I had my nephew when BIL got in an accident and had niece in the car with him. She was totally fine, but it was 20 degrees outside and he was going to be there a while. I was glad that I had my sister's car and could go pick up the baby and let BIL deal with the accident. 

I agree with Flan that this is probably best for you to stay out of though, Pam. If I were your parents, I would be seriously cutting back on being the on-demand babysitter, but I don't think there's any value in you getting involved.