Wedding Woes

You may be introverted, but you still need to use your words if you want something.

Dear Prudence,

The emerging post-pandemic world has me thinking about friendships. Most of the people I hung out with in the past few years have been my partner’s friends. I think they are my friends now as well, but it does strike me as being not great that all of our socializing comes from her end. Before the pandemic, when I socialized, I was the organizer and not the invited person an overwhelming majority of the time. This has always annoyed me to varying degrees. I have tried pointing it out to people but not with much success. My partner has noted that some of my friends can be even more introverted than I am, but I recently wished a friend happy birthday and noted it has been a long time since we saw each other and the friend did not seem to pick up on the hint that it meant maybe we should hang out and catch up. One thing that I do wonder about is if people find me too intense on certain subjects. For example, multiple people have told me at various times that they appreciate how deeply I think about politics and social issues. I always wonder this comes with a not-spoken caveat of “but this is also why you are not necessarily good at parties and need to be handled in small doses.” As the pandemic slowly ends, this is something that I would like to change, but I am also now middle-aged and this has been my social life more or less since college. I am not sure how it changes.

— Semi-Introverted

Re: You may be introverted, but you still need to use your words if you want something.

  • If you want your own friendships, you have to make the effort, no matter what --vert you are.  Even if you do reach out, it might not always be reciprocated and you'll have to practice until you are successful.  You might have some friends who are always awesome about saying yes, but not awesome about inviting.  It takes time, especially as adults.

    I will keep my rants about extrovert vs. introvert to myself.
  • LOL, I want to hear those rants @VarunaTT

    LW you can't live on hope that someone will take the 'hint'.  If you want to see a friend, reach out to them and ask to meet up/have them over/whatever.   As far as making friends, it doesn't matter what --vert you are...it's hard af as an adult.  Only you can figure out what kind of setting will work for you to try and make new friends.  Furthermore, you're assigning a lot of intent to the 'unsaid' where the person you're interacting with may be thinking the furthest thing from it. 
  • Introvert doesn’t mean you can’t make friends and maintain friendships. 
  • I just like the “no matter what -vert you are” comment 😂 

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