Dear Prudence,
Years ago, when I was 6, my father married a woman named Claire. He and my mom had joint custody of me and my siblings, meaning that for three days of the week, we were at their house. My dad was normally working, sometimes out of town, meaning we spent most of our time with Claire. She was very kind to us, cooking, cleaning, and playing with us. I considered her, if not a second mother, then a fun aunt-type. That’s why, two years into the marriage, it came as a shock when we learned Claire and my father were divorcing. She ended up letting her lawyer handle everything, quickly moving out of state once the divorce was finalized. We never saw or heard from her, and my dad refused to discuss why the divorce had happened. (To this day, he claims to have only been married to my mother, and doesn’t like talking about Claire.)
A week ago, I was going through Facebook and happened upon Claire’s page, learning she had remarried and had kids of her own. Curious, I reached out and asked about what had happened. When she finally responded, the things she told me were upsetting. It turns out, Claire had not been happily married to my dad, since he was primarily out of the house and left her to take care of us. Turns out, being a stepmom was like a chore for her, doing all those things out of obligation; she wanted her own, biological children. That was the last straw for their marriage. My dad didn’t desire more children and had even had a vasectomy he hadn’t told her about. She asked me about my siblings, but I haven’t responded yet. Honestly, I’m a little angry. All those warm, happy memories I had of Claire are now tainted by the fact that she looks back on those same ones with regret and disdain. Should I tell her I’m upset? Or should I just move on without a word? I don’t get the feeling she wants a relationship, even a perfunctory one, since it took her nearly two months to respond.
— Left Behind Stepdaughter