Wedding Woes

DTMFA, you are being abused.

Dear Prudence,

Hi, New Prue! (Is that ok?) I have been married to my husband for about 10 years and together for 15. We sort of have a great marriage, but only “on paper” and “when things are working.” I am most likely the problem. My business was decimated during COVID, so I took a full-time job. But I still have my (entrepreneurial) business and it has also returned to full-time. My husband doesn’t want me to give up my full-time stable paycheck—I get that. He also makes at least quadruple what I do. Part of the issue is that he controls our finances. I do contribute, but the amount I pay monthly is referred to (by him) as “the tithe.” If I don’t pay “the tithe,” he speaks to me less. But none of this is the real issue! It’s that when I do something wrong, whether by accident or not, he stops speaking to me. If I do something he doesn’t like, he won’t speak to me for HOURS until he asks me if I am ready to apologize. I am not a pushover type of person. I am strong and smart and dynamic and a leader. But I am not passive-aggressive and don’t have the energy to battle this on a passive-aggressive level. I tend towards direct confrontation. It doesn’t work. Trying to discuss things calmly doesn’t work. I just don’t know what to do. I think my husband hates me but won’t say it. How can I deal with our different styles of conflict.

— Hated By Husband

Re: DTMFA, you are being abused.

  • mrsconn23 said:
    This is financial and emotional abuse.  He's treating you like a child or employee. 

    I cannot get past him calling LW's income a 'tithe'.  What the fucking what? 
    That’s some Gilead ish. 
    mrsconn23
  • mrsconn23 said:
    This is financial and emotional abuse.  He's treating you like a child or employee. 

    I cannot get past him calling LW's income a 'tithe'.  What the fucking what? 
    That’s some Gilead ish. 
    Ha. It feels that way.  It's definitely a step away from it 

    LW would not be able to work in Gilead, LOL.  If LW was a handmaid or Martha, they'd be abused for 'free'. 
    charlotte989875
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I had to google tithe.

    agreed with other PP’s.  It’s time to start thinking of an exit strategy unless LW thinks marriage Counceling will help….?

  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My ex-husband was exactly like this. 

    @VarunaTT that really hits the nail on the head for me too. 

    VarunaTTmrsconn23
  • Get out.  


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