Start YOUR own life!

short+sassy

I live with a bunch of people. One of them is my boyfriend of four years. He has lived with my housemates for about 17 years—never deciding to start his own life. Recently, I don’t feel any connection with him. He is frequently overbearing, and forces me to let him lean on me, put his head on my shoulder, and hold his hand when I am busy doing something. I hate to feel cold, but it just feels like I’m his mom more than a romantic partner. He doesn’t have a job, nor will he get one. His car is constantly breaking down—so when we do try to go someplace together there’s always that stress. His parents pay for his car insurance, and my housemates have a rent agreement with him that he can stay rent free if he cleans the house and does necessary repairs. Needless to say, that stuff never really gets done either. How do I break up with him knowing that every time that I have tried he just doesn’t leave me alone until I say that we are back together? I would try to move out of here myself, but I can’t financially right now.

MyNameIsNot

OMG, move. Surely you can find another housemate situation where you're not paying the way of a half-assed cleaner.

You're starting to sound like Pam's friend. It seems like you enjoy being stuck more than you want to get out. 

short+sassy

@MyNameIsNot, I thought of Pam's friend also, lol.

It's definitely tricky that they live together and the LW can't afford to move out.  If the LW is working f/t, they should be able to afford another roommate situation.  If not, they should start loading up on p/t work and side gigs.  Basically only be there when they need to sleep.  It's the double bonus of not having to spend time with this loser and being able to stockpile extra money so they can move out as fast as possible.

Now I'm reading between the lines.  I don't think the LW is working f/t.  I suspect they share some "fly by the seat of their pants" and "not too motivated" characteristics with their b/f, though I also think they are a lot younger.  They complain about the b/f's car always breaking down which is stressful, which leads me to believe the LW doesn't have a car at all.

Plus, people who have their own stuff together don't chose to even date...much less get serious and move in with...guys who won't get a job and have spent the last SEVENTEEN YEARS living with a bunch of roommates.  That guy has to be at least in his mid-30s.

charlotte989875

This has been going on for 17 years of course he doesn’t change, he doesn’t have a problem with the situation. If you do, you need to be the one to do something about it. Save up to move. Find a new roommate (they’re you’re not dating), find a new/second job. Either it sucks enough to change it or you’re fine complaining but not doing anything about it. 

banana468

LW found a living situation with others.  Why can't she do the same now? 

The boyfriend is a disaster.  He's not motivated and won't be.  It's time to end it and move out and find a new place to live.  LW needs to start looking for apartments, basement apartments, people who need roommates, etc so she can make it on her own.   Or she can enjoy knowing that he cant' change and she isn't either. 

CharmedPam

Actually this guy sounds like my ex!  Lol no job, living on his parents.  Only difference is LW’s bf isn’t living WITH them.

My advice to my friend was make his life miserable to the point he wants to move but that won’t happen.  If LW has NO tie to the house financially, get gone. 

missJeanLouise

Yes to everything everyone else said. Move. Dump the guy. Change your number. Start your own life.

downtondiva

Start looking for a new housing situation immediately and end this relationship once and for all. You will never get away from the bad boyfriend until you move out, because he's not going anywhere.