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Did. You. Ask. Her?

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

My 80-year-old dad recently had emergency surgery, and I’ve been his transportation and errand-runner throughout his hospitalization. He’s home now and recovering. I live 45 minutes from him and work as an adjunct instructor at four college campuses along a fifty-mile stretch of highway. My sister lives at home with Dad and does not work. She is caring for him at home, but while she’s able to drive, she refuses to drive him anywhere. The morning he needed to go to the ER, I drove to him and took him there while she stayed in bed. This was risky as it added more than an hour delay to him seeing a doctor. Now he’s got a follow-up appointment, and I’m having to cancel a whole day of classes to take him there. I don’t mind helping him, but why is she sitting out when she’s literally got nothing else going on?

— Unfair Burden

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Re: Did. You. Ask. Her?

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    STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
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    Lol like anyone else would know?
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    charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
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    How is it you had the time to email Prudie but didn’t have the time to ask your sister?

    Maybe she thinks you want to drive, maybe she thinks it’s your way of helping out, maybe she hates driving him, maybe he hates riding with her, maybe he’s refused to ride with her. 

    The point? You have no idea because you haven’t asked her. 
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    banana468banana468 member
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    Why haven't you asked your sister why she refuses to drive the dad?  


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    mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    LW's like this are definitely not asking about the real issue.  There's clearly something going on between LW and their sister that they didn't bring up.  But even then, I don't think it truly matters at this time in a sense.  Dad needs help.  

    Your options are:

    *Talk to your sister and find out why she can't/won't take dad to the ER or appointments or whatever. Figure out a schedule where you can help out so she can get a break since she's his live in caretaker. 

    *Keep showing up on the fly, even if it means you're calling off work/canceling classes last minute. 

    *Throw money at the problem by hiring someone to help out dad. 

    Writing Prudie is shouting into the void.  


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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    mrsconn23 said:
    LW's like this are definitely not asking about the real issue.  There's clearly something going on between LW and their sister that they didn't bring up.  But even then, I don't think it truly matters at this time in a sense.  Dad needs help.  

    Your options are:

    *Talk to your sister and find out why she can't/won't take dad to the ER or appointments or whatever. Figure out a schedule where you can help out so she can get a break since she's his live in caretaker. 

    *Keep showing up on the fly, even if it means you're calling off work/canceling classes last minute. 

    *Throw money at the problem by hiring someone to help out dad. 

    Writing Prudie is shouting into the void.  


    My guess is that LW thinks the sister is using Dad and is a freeloader.  

    But unless the LW does unannounced drop by visits and takes dad to an attorney to write out his will that covers his long term care nothing is going to change. 
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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    If it was so risky for him to wait for you to drive him, why didn't you call an ambulance? 

    Sign dad up for Uber or Lyft. 
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    short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    MyNameIsNot said:
    If it was so risky for him to wait for you to drive him, why didn't you call an ambulance? 

    Sign dad up for Uber or Lyft. 
    This.  But maybe it's not just the sister and the driving.  Maybe dad doesn't want to go to his follow up appointment by himself and the sister won't go with him, even if he takes an Uber and she doesn't have to drive.

    This letter is weird all around, though.  I can't help but think the LW knows SOMETHING or at least has a suspicion as to why the sister won't drive, yet didn't even share that they think it might be.
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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    short+sassy said:
    MyNameIsNot said:
    If it was so risky for him to wait for you to drive him, why didn't you call an ambulance? 

    Sign dad up for Uber or Lyft. 
    This.  But maybe it's not just the sister and the driving.  Maybe dad doesn't want to go to his follow up appointment by himself and the sister won't go with him, even if he takes an Uber and she doesn't have to drive.

    This letter is weird all around, though.  I can't help but think the LW knows SOMETHING or at least has a suspicion as to why the sister won't drive, yet didn't even share that they think it might be.
    I totally agree. Something about the wording of "she's able to drive" versus she regularly drives or something makes me think that LW is intentionally leaving something out. 

    I also kind of think this is a lot more about throwing sister under the bus than getting dad to the doctor. 
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