Dear Prudence,
I am a Black female attorney located in the “upper South.” I work at a predominately white firm. I am the most senior attorney of color, which isn’t saying much because I am one of two attorneys of color at the firm. Recently at a firm outing, a much younger, white, and female associate used the word “ratchet” to describe a recent experience. I was taken aback by her use of the term, but I didn’t question the use, not because I thought her use was okay but because I was the only Black woman within earshot. I didn’t feel comfortable asking her what she meant by the use of the term because I feared being labeled as the angry Black woman attacking a much junior, white attorney, and I feared the possibility that my question would invoke the tears so many white women conjure when “confronted.” I’ve also been very straightforward with my workplace when it comes to deferring to me on topics of race. This might have been a “teachable” moment for both her and my colleagues within earshot, but I have long declined to pick up the mantle of educating my white colleagues on Black people or our experience in the U.S.
Later, I was able to talk to a white female colleague who I consider to be an ally and confidant who heard the term and likewise flinched at the use, which made me feel okay about my approach. The same colleague also plans to sit down with our younger colleague and let her know the term isn’t appropriate. I think I feel fine with my lack of response and my colleague’s plan to speak with the person because the intent wasn’t malicious (not that it really matters), and the younger associate lacks an overall level of maturity which makes her use of the term consistent with my past experiences with her. This interaction is just the first that carried a racial undertone. Finally, the area in which I live and am not originally from “produces” people exactly like her: They are born in the area, they are educated from primary to graduate school at institutions in the area, and they return to live and work in the area where they were born. Her use of the term and perhaps ignorance of its connotations is in many ways par for the course. So knowing that, was I wrong for not calling her out? Have we set a precedent that her use of the term and those similar or adjacent to it are acceptable? Should I have used the “teachable” moment? Why does my lack of response feel more uncomfortable than her use of the term?
— Triggered but Silent