Wedding Woes

DTMFA

Hi Prudence,

I really, really hate my boyfriend’s cat. We’ve been dating for about 8 months now, and he’s overall a great guy. But about 3 months ago he decided to adopt a cat, and even asked me, though I admit I was more hesitant. Although I don’t live with him, we spend most nights together. Cut to three months later, and I can’t stand what I got myself into. The cat howls constantly 24 hours a day, always for food, and my boyfriend in turn obliges. Even the vet was concerned the cat was too heavy at his last check in, but my boyfriend refuses to acknowledge it. In the meantime, I’m getting very little sleep (my boyfriend wears earplugs at night when I’m around because he’s the lighter sleeper, but insists someone has to be able to hear the cat). The cat is also extremely aggressive, often drawing blood when he “plays”, and I just really don’t want to be around him. My boyfriend has also said things like, “this is the first time he’s had true love” and if I don’t love the cat I clearly just don’t love him. This isn’t true, but I don’t have a lot of patience left for a creature that wants to hurt me and that I can’t live with long term.

— Not Cool with the Cat

Re: DTMFA

  • LW is complaining about the cat in many ways that's just for sake of complaining - cat is not playing aggressively, the cat doesn't know how to tone it down. Also trim claws.

    But LW said it, they don't want to be around the cat.
    Is the dude worth it? Honestly, I would guess no. What's he do when you aren't there? Still wear earplugs?

    Nah. This relationship is over. Don't blame the cat.
    VarunaTTSTARMOON44
  • I cannot get past the earplugs part where he needs the sleep, but the cat needs to be listened for/attended to during the night and that's LW's problem?  Plusalso, the fact that he babies the cat to the point where the VET is saying that he needs to knock off the bad behaviors or else it's not good for the cat. 

    Yeah, LW shouldn't have tentatively agreed to the cat when they really weren't interested...but the rest of this is on BF.  LW needs to go because the cat clearly is not getting the boot and BF is not willing to discipline his behavior for the health of the cat and/or to accommodate LW.  
    VarunaTTcharlotte989875
  • mrsconn23 said:
    I cannot get past the earplugs part where he needs the sleep, but the cat needs to be listened for/attended to during the night and that's LW's problem?  Plusalso, the fact that he babies the cat to the point where the VET is saying that he needs to knock off the bad behaviors or else it's not good for the cat. 

    Yeah, LW shouldn't have tentatively agreed to the cat when they really weren't interested...but the rest of this is on BF.  LW needs to go because the cat clearly is not getting the boot and BF is not willing to discipline his behavior for the health of the cat and/or to accommodate LW.  
    Right?!  I cannot imagine being in a relationship where my time with my SO involves being voluntold that I'm the night sitter.  
    VarunaTTcharlotte989875
  • UO but I hate cats.  I've not dated guys in the first places bc they had a cat.  If LW bf was doing everything in his power to make LW feel comfortable (making sure she gets a good night's sleep, etc.) I'd try to make it work.  But his actions + words (aka the second to last sentence)...yeah, bye.
  • Is there a bat cat signal for Jackson Galaxy?  If not, this is a deal breaker and it is time to go.

    It might be time to go anyway with a b/f that thinks it's his g/f's responsibility to get up in the middle of the night and tend to the cat.  That's one of the things that's supposed to be great about cats.  Their low maintenance.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • At a minimum I'd stop sleeping at the BF's house.  
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    MissKittyDangerMesmrEwe
  • Stop spending the night at his house.

    But yeah, I would have lost my shit at being told that I need to listen for the cat at night. Also, WTF does he even think the cat needs at night? I've had cats my entire adult life and have never once thought to get up in the middle of the night to do something for them. 
    CharmedPamVarunaTT
  • There’s only one solution for this. 


    But seriously, bf is an ass. 


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  • He's made it pretty clear that the cat is more important to him than you are. Dump him. 

    And it's okay, @ei34, I hate cats too.
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    ei34
  • Run. I wouldn't even give an ultimatum. 
  • He's made it pretty clear that the cat is more important to him than you are. Dump him. 

    And it's okay, @ei34, I hate cats too.
    Yeah it’s totally fine. I love cats and don’t want anyone dating me who doesn’t. I’m not a dog person so I don’t dare people with dogs!
    ei34
  • I'm a big sucker for both cats and dogs!  They all have their own personalities.

    But, generally speaking, cats are often a great combo of "independent" while also having their moments when they need pets and snuggles.  The two cats I've had are also funny because they are little and look so sweet and adorable.  But are also intense stalkers and hunters.

    Dogs are so awesome also.  They're usually so friendly and silly and love unconditionally.  There is no other animal that understands our social cues, better than dogs.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    charlotte989875
  • I love both cats and dogs. However, I am realizing I don’t love cats and dogs in my house.  Does that make sense? I like them. They’re cute AF.  But I can’t live with them. Thus, I don’t think I’ll date anyone in the future with either. 

    short+sassy
  • I love both cats and dogs. However, I am realizing I don’t love cats and dogs in my house.  Does that make sense? I like them. They’re cute AF.  But I can’t live with them. Thus, I don’t think I’ll date anyone in the future with either. 
    That's how I feel about human children, lol.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    levioosaMyNameIsNotei34
  • If we didn’t have 🙈 four cats, I would definitely get a dog. The last two were accidents lol. I do like how much less maintenance the cats are. They all get along, they can be left alone for a minute, and you don’t have to really work to exercise them. Cats definitely get misunderstood a lot and that makes me sad. With how many we have it is a constant battle to clean and air out the house but they’re love bugs and we do a good enough job at cleaning that even our allergic friends and family can come over without becoming a sneezing uncomfortable mess. I wish we had more time and a bigger house and yard. I’d get a dog and I’d get bunnies. 


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    kerbohl
  • I am that person that wakes up in the middle of the night thinking my pet needs me.  Usually they are fine, but there have been times.  I don't expect hubby to do that though, and I think LW's bf is being insanely selfish.

    My cat story for this week - I watch my rabbits from my window while I'm working.  On Wednesday I look outside, and my neighbour's cat is attacking them.  It's pretty serious, because it doesn't have to claw a rabbit to kill them, if it gets them scared enough they could very easily have a heartattack.  This is why I bought my dog - protect the rabbits!  So out into the backyard she goes after the cat.  The thing is ... my dog doesn't want to hurt the cat, she wants to play with it and lick it and snuggle.  She sort of failed at being a guard dog.  But the cat did not know this obviously.  The cat was out of there.  So the bunnies were upset, the cat was pissed, and the only happy one is my dog who for a split second did get a lick on the cat.

    I don't mind cats, but if they mess with my rabbits they are getting rottweiler slobbered.

    missJeanLouiseMesmrEwe
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