Wedding Etiquette Forum

No photo of our daughter (bride) with us her parents

I have been devastated since our daughters wedding when a photo of  us with our daughter or a photo of us with her and her new husband was not taken.   I watched his family have photos taken and other photos with friends but none with us.  There was a photo of me with my mother and our daughter, and one of me when I walked in to see her. By the time I realized it wasn't going to be done it was dark.  I have been in tears for the last month and a half.  I wrote my daughter about how hurtful this was and how I feel I will never get over the heartache.  I felt this was an indication of how little she values us.   She she was 12 she has been emotionally distant from us.   Now she is not speaking to us.  Am I wrong to be so hurt by this?  

Answers

  • I have been devastated since our daughters wedding when a photo of  us with our daughter or a photo of us with her and her new husband was not taken.   I watched his family have photos taken and other photos with friends but none with us.  There was a photo of me with my mother and our daughter, and one of me when I walked in to see her. By the time I realized it wasn't going to be done it was dark.  I have been in tears for the last month and a half.  I wrote my daughter about how hurtful this was and how I feel I will never get over the heartache.  I felt this was an indication of how little she values us.   She she was 12 she has been emotionally distant from us.   Now she is not speaking to us.  Am I wrong to be so hurt by this?  
    I think you need to take a strong look not at the photo but what the photo represents.   I'd also question the mood and how things were planned up until the wedding and if the lack of photo appeared to be deliberate or an oversight. 

    There must be more to this.  My mom and I may text but it's always on things rather superficial like, "Did you get the storm damage?  Is the power on?"  When there are matters of the heart I pick up the phone.  If I opened my mail to a letter from my mom about how I let her down it would be hard for me to be the one to initiate conversation.  

    If I were you I would pick up the phone for a heart to heart.  Don't speak.  Ask her to talk and then listen.  Rather than get defensive try to hear the things that she has to say.  Think about if any of her issues hold water.  There's every possibility that what your daughter did is hurtful and there are issues she has.  But there's every possibility that this event could be a symbol of issues that are ignored over the years and it's her exerting control.


    charlotte989875short+sassy
  • Thanks for your reply banana468.  I think you are right.   There is something that she is upset about from her childhood.   I have been working with a counselor to try to figure this out.  I am going to go to see her tomorrow and hope that she will finally open up.  
  • I think in all likelihood she has told you exactly what the issue is and you don’t want to hear it. 
    MyNameIsNotMesmrEwe
  • edited September 18
    Starmoon, I would welcome hearing what the issue is.   We just went to meet with her and she said there isn't a problem.  I tried to get to go to counseling with me but she isn't willing.  
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