Dear Prudence,
I’m a young white woman who recently moved to a predominantly white, wealthy neighborhood. I also have a disability. The area is beautiful, but not very walkable, and my disability prevents me from driving. I’ve been fortunate to find some ladies through church and volunteer groups who are willing to shuttle me around (grocery shopping, medical appointments, trips to the bank).
The problem is that these older, well-meaning white ladies make some truly insensitive blunders when discussing race. Most recent was the one who described her son’s black friends as “ghetto,” but it’s happened from several sources now, and I’m starting to doubt my ability to find an innocent party. (They also make ableist comments, but I feel more justified ignoring those.)
I’m confident calling out racism from friends and strangers. I can feel the words jump to my throat when I hear these things, but I hesitate. If I offend these women—if they’re uncomfortable spending time with me—I lose my access to food and medical care.
I’m so torn. I know what is right, and I’m questioning my ability to do it. I hate that the people I “blend in” with are the ones spreading ignorance, and that I’m now dependent on them for my wellbeing. I’m sure I’ll find good people here eventually, but in the meantime, how can I challenge the status quo without risking my basic needs? Or do I need to accept the risk, and do it anyway?
— Willing and Disabled