Wedding Etiquette Forum

Pre-RSVP

Hi! I am planning my wedding for July 2, 2022.

I have read other discussion forums, and the general consensus is that asking for a Pre-RSVP is tacky and not going to work. I don't need even a semi-official number of people attending, I just want to get an idea of who will "definitely not" be attending. The main reason is that we have to start making deposits on rentals, and I really don't have any idea out of our 200 people guest list, if about 75 of those people will even try to attend.

This is why I want to get a feel for guests that will attend-

*The wedding is on a holiday weekend, and we understand that this means some people we are expecting to attend, might not because they have annual 4th of July plans.

*Because of the ongoing pandemic, some people still might not feel comfortable attending weddings.

So, what are your thoughts? Super tacky, not helpful, or an important part of pandemic wedding planning?

EDIT: Thank you guys for your help! I'm going to send out save the dates next month to put it on everybody's radar, and then I'll just get in touch with people! Thanks for the help!

Re: Pre-RSVP

  • Honestly, I'd only do that via word of mouth.  People change their minds all the time.  And with the pandemic there is SO much that can happen that will tell me about any comfort level I have between now and July 2nd.

    Please don't get it in writing - just put out feelers and know that you are going to need to talk to vendors about any minimums they require.
    MesmrEweILoveBeachMusic
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Hi! I am planning my wedding for July 2, 2022.

    I have read other discussion forums, and the general consensus is that asking for a Pre-RSVP is tacky and not going to work. I don't need even a semi-official number of people attending, I just want to get an idea of who will "definitely not" be attending. The main reason is that we have to start making deposits on rentals, and I really don't have any idea out of our 200 people guest list, if about 75 of those people will even try to attend.

    This is why I want to get a feel for guests that will attend-

    *The wedding is on a holiday weekend, and we understand that this means some people we are expecting to attend, might not because they have annual 4th of July plans.

    *Because of the ongoing pandemic, some people still might not feel comfortable attending weddings.

    So, what are your thoughts? Super tacky, not helpful, or an important part of pandemic wedding planning?


    You're asking people to commit to attending a wedding that's 10 months away. Spreading by word of mouth is a good idea, and I'd send save the dates if you haven't already. But even then, I personally would have a hard time being committing to something so far away. 
    ILoveBeachMusicdowntondiva
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited September 2021
    Send save the dates to people you know you'll definitely invite. You'll most likely have a handful of people that absolutely will or absolutely won't be able to come who will tell you so, without you having to ask. The reality is that the vast majority of people simply don't know what they'll be doing next summer yet and wouldn't be able to tell you anything anyway. 

    Talk to your vendors about approximate guest numbers and how they handle that. You can try to target vendors who have flexible options. For your example, there are vendors who would allow you to move your deposit on a 200 person tent to a 100 person tent, and then apply the difference to the balance or to extra upgrades. 

    downtondivacharlotte989875
  • FWIW - talk to the family "Chatty Cathy" on feelers for who may/may not attend (Verbal ONLY!).  FWIW - I've got a friend doing this for their wedding next October and NBD IMO because the family has 2 weddings that weekend and getting a feel for "who most likely will attend one or the other" is helpful when it comes to minimum #'s (i.e. vendors who your initial number is set and can't go down but allowed to go up, having a rough idea that 4 families of 4 will be out of the count is a significant number even for a large guest count)..  That said - still plan "as-if" the 200 will show...
  • I think it’s not going to work for many reasons (people won’t know their plans this far in advance, we don’t know what Covid will be like then). I also got married on a holiday weekend (Friday of Memorial Day weekend) and most people did attend so I wouldn’t plan more declines just because. 

    Besides the venue and maybe chairs are many of your rentals per person? Are the deposits? Because I think you’re making more work for yourself trying to gauge who will/won’t attend this far out. Some people may tell you once you send save the dates but even then, plans can change. 
    MyNameIsNotILoveBeachMusic
  • I agree with PPs. If I were to receive a pre-RSVP I would think you are b-lisitng (not appropriate) and would be insulted. 
  • A pre-RSVP would've made my head spin!  You just want a hard yes or no around two weeks before.  
  • Thank you guys for your help! I'm going to send out save the dates next month to put it on everybody's radar, and then I'll just get in touch with people! Thanks for the help! 
    climbingsinglebanana468charlotte989875
  • Thank you guys for your help! I'm going to send out save the dates next month to put it on everybody's radar, and then I'll just get in touch with people! Thanks for the help! 
    I think that's perfect.  

    Also, FWIW when it wasn't a pandemic I remember hearing family members who were going to go to a wedding ultimately back out.  It was when they realized logistics, etc that it just wasn't going to work.  So the STD gives them the time to plan or at least keep a mental note. 
    charlotte989875MesmrEwe
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