This is so common, and got worse with COVID.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I am a fairly introverted person who values close friendships with a small number of people, and I currently have a few close friends who satisfy those needs. However, I have noticed that I am usually the one getting in touch to organize a catch-up, etc. Sometimes this bothers me, and I feel like they value my friendship less than I value theirs—in my worst moments, I wonder if they like me at all (although there is no evidence to support this other than their lack of proactivity in keeping in touch).

Is it an issue that they are less invested, or is this normal? I always have a good time when we do meet up and making new friends doesn’t come easily to me, so I don’t want to lose them; but every time I go to get in touch part of me wants to wait and see if they contact me first, to “test” the relationship. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t hear from them (emotionally, it would be rough but I’d be fine—I’m just not sure the friendships would survive).

— Fed-Up Friend

charlotte989875

Some of this is you, some of this is them. If you always take the lead in setting up plans they’re used to that now and may not know you are having an issue with it. Can you say “hey I’ve set up the last few events, can someone else take over the next time we get together”? I’d say abruptly “testing” the relationship to see what happens seems immature. If you want/need something else from your friends going radio silent and hoping they figure it out isn’t it. 

But also- of course they like you. They’re hanging out with you, you all are having fun, what evidence is there they don’t like you? Anxiety, introversion, mental health can all contribute to these thoughts that aren’t based in reality but try not to let this motivate your behavior. They don’t know anything is wrong unless you tell them, but reading into that they don’t like you because you always set up plans is putting feelings on them they haven’t expressed.