Chilly-willy Friday

mrsconn23

It was under 50 at the bus stop this morning.  It is going to get into the 70's this afternoon.   

What's up for the weekend??

Tonight we're making home made pizza.  Dad may come over for dinner
The rest of the weekend is whatever we want it to be!!  No plans. FIL is OOT, we've seen family and friends the last 2 weekends. 

I think we're going to try to purge closets tomorrow and do some reorganizing.  

I told DH it's a 'no alarm' weekend.  Which means I'll be up at like, 7am, both days. 

Casadena

Chilly here too!  I'm sitting at the kitchen table with the screen door open enjoying the 55 degree weather since the boys aren't home.  H is golfing today with a buddy, boys are at school, and I work a half day.  Excited to go to Costco and Kohls this afternoon!  No plans for the weekend.  Probably lots of walking and park visits, maybe a pumpkin patch or petting zoo if we're feeling crazy.  

banana468

It is NOT cold and it hasn't stopped raining for hours.  And a mosquito LANDED ON MY FACE while taking Chiquito to the bus.

Tomorrow I get a needed haircut, my LOTR donuts and then Chiquita has a soccer game.  Sunday I HAVE to motivate the kids to start to declutter.  And I think I need to make a bunch of trips to donate old clothing for at least the kids and me too.  

charlotte989875

It is also chilly here and I love it. It’s making me so happy to need a long sleeve shirt and jeans. It’s bringing me so much joy. 

Not much Thai weekend. H is finishing the bathroom (I hope), baby M and I are going to a sustainability event Saturday with electric cars/ trucks which I’m sure just means him staring at the trucks. Then football Sunday (Go Bills!)

MissKittyDanger

It's muggy here.
No rain this morning, but might this afternoon.

BK has had a rough 12ish hours.

She didn't eat much at my mum's or home, but we offered her other things. She didn't want it. Fine.
Then at midnight she wakes up sobbing, which I thought was a nightmare. Bring her down for some water and she keeps itching her nose, but not stuffy or anything. So try to wipe.
She was just full of tears.
Settle down, and back to bed.

10min later sobbing again.
Wtf?

I tell M that we need to give her allergy meds because her nose is still bugging her. Could that be issue? I tossed her meds in her juice because she kept crying at the idea of taking the meds then just and at nearly 12:30am, this is not a hill I'm dying on.
Bring her in living room because she clearly needs to calm down and we wanna give a little time to let allergy meds kick in.
M is worried she's getting sick and just can't vocalize it.

You know what we THINK her issue was?
She didn't eat enough and woke up starving.
M had her have some goldfish - to make sure she wasn't having a sore throat - and she just started eating a bunch.
I gave her more juice and a pouch to help.

Obv then wake up wasn't the greatest because she was up for nearly an hour, and she was still tired.
I msg'd my mum to try and have lowkey afternoon because of it.

M wasn't feeling great - he ate too much dairy last night - so he's working from home today to be safe.
Definitely a day I wish I could drive  

climbingsingle

It was in the 50s this morning and I am loving this cooler weather. 

No plans tonight. Might sit outside and have a drink or two. 

Going to see a concert upstate with my friends (The Black Crowes) and then staying over a hotel. Can't wait! 

STARMOON44

Such a gorgeous morning! @banana468 I think the good weather is headed your way. I have a full day dance thing Saturday which should be fun and my nephew’s birthday Sunday. And I’m busy filling up my fall calendar with fun things. I tend to laze about in summer because nothing is better than pool time and then have a busy fall. And I got a job interview next week! I’m not super excited about the job but I’m glad my resume got noticed. 

VarunaTT

I've been home sick the last two days.  Both mold and ragweed are high, with grass at moderate levels.  It's like Mother Nature is personally attacking my lungs, skin, eyes, and nose.  I had to buy the oatmeal bath stuff because I could not stop scratching and I was tired of 1. being knocked out by Benadryl and 2. still scratching even with Benadryl.  My poor legs look like I was attacked by an angry big cat.

No big plans for the weekend except for getting the transcription training finished and cleaning my apartment.  Maybe even trying to read a book.  Doom Patrol also dropped it's new season (or at least the first 3 episodes), so I might watch that too.

MissKittyDanger

VarunaTT said:

I've been home sick the last two days.  Both mold and ragweed are high, with grass at moderate levels.  It's like Mother Nature is personally attacking my lungs, skin, eyes, and nose.  I had to buy the oatmeal bath stuff because I could not stop scratching and I was tired of 1. being knocked out by Benadryl and 2. still scratching even with Benadryl.  My poor legs look like I was attacked by an angry big cat.

No big plans for the weekend except for getting the transcription training finished and cleaning my apartment.  Maybe even trying to read a book.  Doom Patrol also dropped it's new season (or at least the first 3 episodes), so I might watch that too.

BK is itchy too. We have Vaseline Eczema cream, Lush dream cream and Aquaphor for various times {plus her steroid but that's on flair ups}

CharmedPam

I hear allergies are awful for my friends right now.  Hope that goes away.  Glad you got to the root of the problem @MissKittyDanger. And glad it was an easy fix. I don’t know how cold it is by me.  I was up since 4 and airports all day but I’m in another country!
spoiler alert: this country looks exactly like my own country. Just higher price tags on things. 😐

levioosa

It’s still up to the 90s here. There’s a *promise* of a 79 degree day next Wednesday but I don’t believe it. I’m so ready for fall weather (or at least as fall weatherish as it gets in Southern California). 

Otherwise SSDD. Debating on what to do for dinner. My heart says pizza. My wallet and the part of me that’s still left trying to eat healthy says check the fridge at home. 

Good luck with the interview! @STARMOON44

mrsconn23

Work is so dead that I asked for the afternoon off and my boss approved it.  WAHOO.  I'm out of here in 10 min.  

short+sassy

Also very excited at the gorgeous weather!  Highs in the low to mid 80s, lows in the high 60s.

After work yesterday, I went to Costco to start this week's scanning gig.  Normally, my H would have been there first, but he wasn't able to make it at all.  After THREE months, our replacement windows were finally ready to be installed at one of our rentals.  Except the installer was supposed to be there between noon-1:00.  He calls my H at 1:30 that he locked his keys in the car and was waiting for Pop-a-Lock.  Doesn't show up until 4:30!  We were absolutely livid.  THEN, he was missing two windows.  We won't know until my H is able to speak to the company today if it was a fuck-up from the initial re-order and those windows still need to be fabricated (oh, dear God, please, please no).  Or if they just accidentally didn't get on the truck with the other windows.  At any rate, my H going over to Costco today when they open to do more scanning and I'm joining him when I get off work.  At least we'll be done this afternoon and have the rest of the weekend free.

That's the unit where I got stuck with a total POS, deadbeat tenant whose boyfriend I guess got mad at her and broke out all the brand new windows that had just been installed last Nov.  Fortunately, I bought insurance for them with the company, so they are being replaced for free.  For a quick update on her, she moved out at some point in (we think) the end of May.  But we still haven't been able to even start doing showings because all the windows were broken out, thanks to her criminal b/f (ex b/f?).  Turns out, I wasn't the only person this sleazebag f**ked out of money.  As an aside, she wasn't affected financially by the pandemic at all.  Apparently, she never opened the water account in her name, but had turned the water on at the meter using one of those tools.  Unfortunately, the SW&B are a bunch of dumb s**ts in our area and it was months before they yanked the meter because "oh gee, there's all this water being used at an address that doesn't have an account".  I assume that was why she finally moved out because evictions for non-payment of rent are still closed for my city.

I'm now going on 7 months of not being able to collect rent for that house and it will probably be another 1-2 months before we have a new tenant moved in, smh.  Potentially add ANOTHER 3 months to that, if they still need to fabricate the two windows that were missing.  And as if her and the city FORCING me to largely support this family wasn't bad enough, when she turned the electricity off, she left a fridge full of food.  So we also had the extra expense and hassle of having to throw the fridge away and buy another one.  Oh, but wait.  She had left a whole bunch of personal belongings, including a sofa and loveseat.  The rest of her s**t we had thrown away, but we had kept the furniture because it's a hassle to do anything with and it was possible the next tenant would want it or our tenant that runs mini-nursing homes would want it.  Apparently that was a big mistake.  Ms. POS Deadbeat BROKE INTO THE HOUSE two weeks ago and took that furniture.  My only guess as to why she wanted it now, 3 months later, is maybe whatever new furniture she bought got ruined in the storm or a family member's did.  Who knows.   So now we have another few hundred bucks to fix the front door and framing.

See?  And here's the funny thing about human nature.  When someone lives their life as a totally selfish scammer with no regard for other people, they just assume that everyone else is as big a loser as they are.  The irony is, she could have just called us and asked to be let back into the house to get her furniture.  Despite her leaving us $9K (and counting) in the hole, we would have done that.  We don't want someone's property if they want it back and we still have it.

Okay, rant over.  I just need to get this duplex back settled in and fully rented out, so I can start trying to heal from all of this outrage.  On a potential plus side, the other unit for this duplex is smaller and less rent...2 bed/1ba $900/month as opposed to 4 bed/2ba $1300/month.  The tenants in the smaller unit have expressed an interest in moving into the larger one, once the windows are installed.  They are "newer" tenants (Dec. 2020), but have been great so far and have the income to afford the increase.  I hope it works out!  It's easier to fill the 2-bed because it's cheaper, plus my rental loss for the vacancy would be mitigated by $400/month.

ei34

I’m sorry you’ve been feeling so unwell @VarunaTT
Cooler here but not sweater weather yet.  STBXH is just finding ways to top himself. The kids were over 10 minutes late to their therapy session yesterday bc he took my car keys and when i ordered an Uber, blocked the door and waved it away when it came.  He finally gave me the keys and when I explained why they were late to the kids’ counselor I asked her to note it.  Since my divorce lawyer is on the list of people who have access to the sessions.  His new story is he’s moving to Oregon (???). Cool great good bye just go 😩
weekend is just soccer on Saturday, mass Sunday and trying to make it to Monday morning. 

Edit - spelling 

climbingsingle

ei34 said:

I’m sorry you’ve been feeling so unwell @VarunaTT
Cooler here but not sweater weather yet.  STBXH is just finding ways to top himself. The kids were over 10 minutes late to their therapy session yesterday bc he took my car keys and when i ordered an Uber, blocked the door and waved it away when it came.  He finally gave me the keys and when I explained why they were late to the kids’ counselor I asked her to note it.  Since my divorce lawyer is on the list of people who have access to the sessions.  His new story is he’s moving to Oregon (???). Cool great good bye just go 😩
weekend is just soccer on Saturday, mass Sunday and trying to make it to Monday morning. 

Edit - spelling 

Jesus. I am so sorry. Is there no way to get him out of the house? I worry about this type of behavior escalating, because exH did that to me too. 

levioosa

I’m so sorry @ei34. When is he supposed to be out of the house?

ei34

So legally he doesn’t have to leave until 30 days post divorce.  He told me last night that he’d leave as soon as i text or email him asking that he leave.  So he “can have it in writing to show the kids when they’re older that I kicked him out and ruined their lives” 😒 I texted “I was open to you staying until you’re legally entitled if you could behave decently but due to the fact that you’ve physically blocked the kids from therapy <and then I gave a brief but horrifying list of other crap he’s pulled literally in the last two weeks alone> I think it’d be best for everyone’s mental and emotional health if you moved out sooner”. He said the text doesn’t count because the kids will think poorly of him and the whole point is to show it to them when they’re older. 

STARMOON44

ei34 said:

So legally he doesn’t have to leave until 30 days post divorce.  He told me last night that he’d leave as soon as i text or email him asking that he leave.  So he “can have it in writing to show the kids when they’re older that I kicked him out and ruined their lives” 😒 I texted “I was open to you staying until you’re legally entitled if you could behave decently but due to the fact that you’ve physically blocked the kids from therapy <and then I gave a brief but horrifying list of other crap he’s pulled literally in the last two weeks alone> I think it’d be best for everyone’s mental and emotional health if you moved out sooner”. He said the text doesn’t count because the kids will think poorly of him and the whole point is to show it to them when they’re older. 

What does your lawyer say about that? Could you call his bluff and say “please move out immediately.”?

banana468

@ei34 can you write to your lawyer to document the texting exchange that you have?  At this point are you concerned for your safety or do you think he's doing what he's doing because he enjoys the mind games while he can play them? 

ei34

My lawyer is keeping a list of every bizarre behavior, action or things said, in the event that he decides to make a play for custody or even higher his own lawyer. Every text exchange screenshot and photos of things from over the years are in a secure place.  A police report would kick him out but I hesitate to call the cops, especially in front of the kids, if there’s not a physical threat. My lawyer said I should call the police over incidents like yesterday and it’d be enough to get him out, but I haven’t been able to do that.  It took me 4 years to file for divorce so there’s clearly something wrong with me that it took so long to file and now that I’m not calling the cops on him. 

charlotte989875

There’s nothing wrong with you @ei34. Based on what you’ve shared here he’s done a lot *to you* but there’s nothing wrong with you! I’m so sorry this is all happening to you and the kids. You’re the expert in your life here and we’re all here to support you!

STARMOON44

ei34 said:

My lawyer is keeping a list of every bizarre behavior, action or things said, in the event that he decides to make a play for custody or even higher his own lawyer. Every text exchange screenshot and photos of things from over the years are in a secure place.  A police report would kick him out but I hesitate to call the cops, especially in front of the kids, if there’s not a physical threat. My lawyer said I should call the police over incidents like yesterday and it’d be enough to get him out, but I haven’t been able to do that.  It took me 4 years to file for divorce so there’s clearly something wrong with me that it took so long to file and now that I’m not calling the cops on him. 

Ok so two things, one: barring the door and preventing you from leaving is a physical threat! 

But also 2, there is not “something wrong with you” because it’s taken you a while to break the cycle of abuse! It is a hard thing to do. I think all of us want what is best for you and that is getting this abusive man out of your home and far away, but I would hate you to think we are judging you about it! It is your life, you are doing your best. 

banana468

STARMOON44 said:

ei34 said:

My lawyer is keeping a list of every bizarre behavior, action or things said, in the event that he decides to make a play for custody or even higher his own lawyer. Every text exchange screenshot and photos of things from over the years are in a secure place.  A police report would kick him out but I hesitate to call the cops, especially in front of the kids, if there’s not a physical threat. My lawyer said I should call the police over incidents like yesterday and it’d be enough to get him out, but I haven’t been able to do that.  It took me 4 years to file for divorce so there’s clearly something wrong with me that it took so long to file and now that I’m not calling the cops on him. 

Ok so two things, one: barring the door and preventing you from leaving is a physical threat! 

But also 2, there is not “something wrong with you” because it’s taken you a while to break the cycle of abuse! It is a hard thing to do. I think all of us want what is best for you and that is getting this abusive man out of your home and far away, but I would hate you to think we are judging you about it! It is your life, you are doing your best. 

Could you possibly go to your local police and do it today?  I'm not even sure how this works but is it possible that his behavior can be documented not just by your lawyer but by the local PD so it's on file that he prevented you from leaving? 

I can only imagine how hard it is to leave a marriage and then also consider doing more to the parent  of your kids.  Big hugs to you.

ei34

Thanks all.  

@STARMOON44 I know everyone is coming from a caring place 

eta- I don’t feel judged 

VarunaTT

There is not something wrong with you, period.  Abusers are very good at what they do.  I don't want to put my story on to yours, but I suspect you're doing the same thing I did, which is you don't think you are someone who can be an abuse victim.  ANYONE can be an abuse victim; class, race, income, education, career, intelligence, sexuality...there is no "standard" for an abuse victim.

You hired an attorney for a reason, I'd listen to them. Keep the kids in therapy and get them the education they need for their own mental health, so that their father's little game won't work on them.  And really, with the actions he's taking, the kids need help in how to deal with him as well.

MissKittyDanger

Seems like many need amusement - delight moment from last night.

So at one point while BK was having her juice & allergy med cocktail, she isn't paying attention and spills some on her shirt and in her hair.
No worries, M is wiping her and I got get a shirt.
Me: here, can you take your shirt off?
BK: *gasp* oh no!
Me: yah you spilled
BK: cat sneezed!
Me: .... the cat did not sneeze. You spilt juice.
BK: no. Cat sneeze!
Me: .... *looks at M*
M: is this a hill we die on?

climbingsingle

ei34 said:

My lawyer is keeping a list of every bizarre behavior, action or things said, in the event that he decides to make a play for custody or even higher his own lawyer. Every text exchange screenshot and photos of things from over the years are in a secure place.  A police report would kick him out but I hesitate to call the cops, especially in front of the kids, if there’s not a physical threat. My lawyer said I should call the police over incidents like yesterday and it’d be enough to get him out, but I haven’t been able to do that.  It took me 4 years to file for divorce so there’s clearly something wrong with me that it took so long to file and now that I’m not calling the cops on him. 

There is nothing wrong with you, and what he's doing is a form of abuse. 

I wish I would have called the cops on my ex, and I never did. He would gaslight me all the time, and said he was worried I'd call the cops on him over having weed in the house. And I swore up and down I would never do that him. And next thing I knew, I was getting served papers from the sheriffs because he LIED and said I threatened him. 

I only say this because I don't want this to happen to you. And I'm scared his behavior is going to get more threatening. 

mrsconn23

Omg @ei34, how awful. I don’t have anything of real substance to add that hasn’t been said. I know I always bring up my friend, but the parallels are astounding. She’s had very similar stuff happen and it’s awful.  You’re not alone and there’s nothing wrong with you. These situations are so hard to deal with and you’re being so very strong.

You’re also an amazing mother and doing what you think is best for your kiddos. They know now and will continue to know that you’re doing everything you can to do the best by them. ((Hugs))

God, he sucks, I hope he fucks off to Oregon or wherever. He can fuck all the way off to hell. 

VarunaTT

@ei34, IDK if you're on Tiktok, but I highly recommend mentalhealness (he is a diagnosed narcissistic personality disorder) and he talks about his behaviors/thought process and what they are trying to do from the point of the abuser.  He is in therapy for it, and some of this stuff is triggering AF, but it's also been helpful for me.  When he started talking about reactive abuse, I had to stop watching but it was so helpful for me to have a name about what happened between me and K and that, more than not being my fault, that I wasn't crazy or a threat to future partners.

The other one is synful, and she is a recovering partner of a narcissist.  Hearing her story and some of the things her ex did just had me nodding and again...feeling not alone and not like I was mentally lacking.  I even laughed at some of it.  I think you hearing her talk about the trauma bond might be really helpful.

Even if you chose not to kick him out, which is fundamentally your decision and I would support it, having things around you to help you hold on to your sanity while this is going on, is important.  Yes, for your kids, but also for YOU as a human person.

ei34

Thanks all for the thoughtful advice and reassuring and helpful words.  Im really lucky to have a community like this 

CharmedPam

What the whayt @ei34! So sorry this is happening and furthermore in front of the kids.  He doesn’t “want to look like the culprit“ to his kids?  Guess what he’s doing anyway? Good riddance to him!