Vow renewal after sudden elopement (XP)

jessicabarth92

Hi! Okay so my now husband and I have been together for 9.5 years. In June of 2021 We had a legal situation arise and decided it would be best we go ahead and get married. So we “ eloped” in July with our parents and siblings right after my now sister in laws baby shower. We didn’t exchange personal vows. Just enough to make it legal. 

It’s complicating me up inside that I wasn’t able to have ALL of my amazing friends and family with us. And my family was rather upset as well but some understood. 

So now what I’m wanting to do is on our 1 year have a “ vow renewal” and reception. I’ve bought a beautiful dress out of impulse but mind you it is for sure THE ONE! 

Also keep in mind we eloped in the middle of the DELTA outbreak. So we technically had a COVID wedding. I’ve seen where other couples are having “ redo weddings” and it being just as celebratory. 

My family keeps saying we have pick and whose what traditions we want. I really want some sort of shower. Seeing how COVID has ruined so much for us. Sons 1st birthday, couldn’t have a house warming when we bought our home, and now wedding stuff. 

How odd would it be to still do bridal showers/ wedding showers????? 

ILoveBeachMusic

First of all, try to put things into perspective. A lot of people have missed out on events of a lifetime. You and your H are married! Congratulations! You can certainly have a postponed celebration but remember it isn't a wedding. It sounds like your family and friends know you are already married so they won't think it is a wedding and you want to call it a vow renewal - that's great. Normally those aren't done so soon but Covid has loosened etiquette rules for now. However, you are already married so showers and bachelorette parties shouldn't happen. Besides, if no one offers to have a shower for you, you don't have one. You absolutely don't host your own shower(not saying you would). Enjoy your day of celebrating and the fact that you are married. Don't dwell on the things you missed because you had to make a choice. We all make choices and have to move forward. 

short+sassy

For the most part, I think a "celebration of marriage" or "vow renewal" party with all/most of the same elements of a wedding reception are fine.  Especially for people who had to drastically alter their plans because of COVID.

It's still not okay to lie to guests and lead them to believe they are witnessing the actual wedding ceremony.  I realize you all are not doing that, but wanted to throw that out there for lurkers.

But it's also never okay to throw yourself a wedding shower, because that is a gift giving event.  Someone needs to offer to throw you one and, if no one does, than you don't have one.  Normally, even if someone offered, it's not appropriate for already married people to have a wedding shower and they should turn the offer down.  For COVID weddings, I personally wouldn't side-eye a shower being thrown also.  But other people might and I can understand the reasoning.

However, if your motivation for a "shower" is to spend more time with an intimate group of friends/family and not so much receiving shower gifts, you can still do that.  Just don't call it a shower.  Depending on what you want to do, phrase it more like "With everyone coming into town for the vow renewal on Saturday, I thought it would be fun for some of us to get together for lunch on Friday.  Are you in?"

MobKaz

jessicabarth92 said:

Hi! Okay so my now husband and I have been together for 9.5 years. In June of 2021 We had a legal situation arise and decided it would be best we go ahead and get married. So we “ eloped” in July with our parents and siblings right after my now sister in laws baby shower. We didn’t exchange personal vows. Just enough to make it legal. 

It’s complicating me up inside that I wasn’t able to have ALL of my amazing friends and family with us. And my family was rather upset as well but some understood. 

So now what I’m wanting to do is on our 1 year have a “ vow renewal” and reception. I’ve bought a beautiful dress out of impulse but mind you it is for sure THE ONE! 

Also keep in mind we eloped in the middle of the DELTA outbreak. So we technically had a COVID wedding. I’ve seen where other couples are having “ redo weddings” and it being just as celebratory. 

My family keeps saying we have pick and whose what traditions we want. I really want some sort of shower. Seeing how COVID has ruined so much for us. Sons 1st birthday, couldn’t have a house warming when we bought our home, and now wedding stuff. 

How odd would it be to still do bridal showers/ wedding showers????? 

Elopement is when the couple ONLY secretly marry.  What you had was a small and intimate wedding. 

A vow renewal after only ONE year is very unusual.  Vow renewals typically are celebrated after a milestone date, such as 10, 20, or 25 years. 

You said it was a "legal" matter that compelled you to marry in the manner you CHOSE.  I personally find it a bit offensive that you now want to "use" Covid as the excuse.  Had you always planned on getting married?  Were you engaged at the time this rushed decision was made?

Have an open house anniversary/house warming party.  As a married couple, the ship for showers and other wedding related events has sailed.