Guest List Complications (re: kids/ step families)

knottie90f2df6b44762db7

Already had a small wedding due to COVID, having bigger celebration next year. We're trying to keep the guest list manageable. I don't want little kids there, but my husband wants his cousins there (youngest are in elementary school, close to middle school). I have no issue with this, he is the oldest on both sides and wants his whole family. The complication is from my family. I was not planning on inviting my siblings' children but I feel a little weird since my husband is inviting his cousins. My two stepsisters are much older, so one has middle/ hs age kids and the other has 2 kids under 6. My brother also has 2 kids under 6 and they were at my small wedding. Skipping the story of how that went, I don't want any little kids at my big wedding.  I am wondering two things, overall is it bad form to not invite little kids but some older kids (especially from only one side)? And should I consider inviting my one sister's older children since there will be same-age cousins there as well, without inviting my other siblings' small children? I wouldn't say I'm particularly close with any of my nieces and nephews because I've not been around consistently over the years. I'm not inviting any extended family that my siblings or their children are close with, so I think the kids (older and younger) would be bored and the adults would just have no fun keeping an eye on the little ones. At the same time, I don't want to offend anyone (more my sisters than my brother).

geebee908

knottie90f2df6b44762db7 said:

Already had a small wedding due to COVID, having bigger celebration next year. We're trying to keep the guest list manageable. I don't want little kids there, but my husband wants his cousins there (youngest are in elementary school, close to middle school). I have no issue with this, he is the oldest on both sides and wants his whole family. The complication is from my family. I was not planning on inviting my siblings' children but I feel a little weird since my husband is inviting his cousins. My two stepsisters are much older, so one has middle/ hs age kids and the other has 2 kids under 6. My brother also has 2 kids under 6 and they were at my small wedding. Skipping the story of how that went, I don't want any little kids at my big wedding.  I am wondering two things, overall is it bad form to not invite little kids but some older kids (especially from only one side)? And should I consider inviting my one sister's older children since there will be same-age cousins there as well, without inviting my other siblings' small children? I wouldn't say I'm particularly close with any of my nieces and nephews because I've not been around consistently over the years. I'm not inviting any extended family that my siblings or their children are close with, so I think the kids (older and younger) would be bored and the adults would just have no fun keeping an eye on the little ones. At the same time, I don't want to offend anyone (more my sisters than my brother).

I think you're setting yourself up for some hurt feelings if your husband's cousins who are children are there but not your nieces and nephews. Personally, I think you need to invite both groups (circles) of kids, or neither. Inviting in circles makes managing the guest list easier, but this is so obviously a more distant circle (cousins who are children) being given precedent over a closer circle (nieces and nephews). 

Edited for reading comprehension: Cousins, not cousin's children