Dear Prudence,
I have a dilemma. Over the past couple years, my spouse has started growing cannabis in our yard. I have overall been okay with this. I do like to smoke sometimes, and this saves us some money. We live in a state where this is completely legal and above board, so no worries there. My issue is that I share custody of my child with my ex, and my child is entering their tween years. They know that cannabis is legal and something for adults only, but they do not know we are growing here. They also have no idea that my spouse and I even use cannabis, since it’s only something we do when they are with my ex. I don’t think I should or can keep it a secret for much longer, and I don’t want them to figure it out on their own. I’d like to have a matter of fact conversation with my kid about the fact that we grow.
The problem is, I know my ex will absolutely go into a rage over this, and I’m concerned about the potential consequences (harassment from them, subtle or unsubtle parental alienation, and while small, a chance they would try to change our custody agreement). When I try to discuss this with my spouse, I feel like they dismiss my concerns as needless worry. Growing cannabis is important to my spouse, but I’d be fine giving it up. At the same time, I know there is nothing “wrong” or illegal about what we are doing, and I’m hesitant to let my ex’s emotions dictate my choices, or my spouse’s choices. But I feel like in this case there could be very real consequences for me and my child. Am I worrying too much about these potential consequences, or not enough? I’m really not sure how to proceed.
— Lost in the Weeds