Wedding Woes

Sublet snafu

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
edited October 2021 in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

Some time ago (pre-pandemic), I moved cities. A friend of mine was also moving at the time—to the city I was leaving—and because our budgets were aligned, she took over the lease on my old apartment. I also left her a lot of my furniture, since it was a big move. At the time we were both thrilled with the arrangement. I loved the apartment, felt truly safe there, and it still has a special place in my heart. However, I only lived there for a half a year—maybe not long enough to understand the ups and downs of the aging building and its landlord. Since the move, my friend has had what can only be called a hellish time in the space. Ceiling leaks, mold, bed bugs—things that I (living there in the summer and fall, before ice melt and bugs came into play) didn’t know about, or if the signs were there, I didn’t think it would be insurmountable. It was an older building and the landlord wasn’t perfect, but I convinced my friend to move there based on my positive experiences.

Now I feel like I’ve trapped her in a horrible situation. Every time I console her about what she’s going through I feel like it’s my fault. I’ve mentioned this feeling in the past, and she’s said it’s ok, but I can tell it’s stressing her out and lowering her quality of life. Is it my moral imperative to find her a new place to live or help pay for her to leave the apartment? I feel like the answer is yes, but we’re not that close, and I’m worried it could cross a line or seem condescending. And, further—should I avoid ever talking about the apartment while she still lives there? I genuinely miss it there sometimes and have many photos and fond memories I wish I could reflect on, but it feels wrong with her new context. What’s an appropriate way forward in a situation like this? I’m at a loss for what to do.

— Home Improvement Needed

Re: Sublet snafu

  • Just stop being so weird! You only lived there 6 months you should not be this attached. No do not speak to her about your fond memories. Absolutely do not further insert yourself into this situation by paying for anything or finding a new apartment. This relationship In general sounds off. 
  • I think it's OK to tell the friend that you feel badly the building turned out to be a problem and leave it at that.  You are not financially liable, friend is an adult and can handle that situation.
  • You can tell the friend you're sorry how it turned out.  This isn't your issue and it's not your building.  Unless you had bugs in your furniture then they should get it.
  • It’s fine to feel bad but this isn’t on you. And it would be weird to offer to pay for anything especially after she’s said it’s fine. Let it be. 
  • LW's life must be incredibly boring that they are so focused on this issues.  Apologize if you want, then move on, this is not a big deal.  And who is this attached to an apartment?
  • It's been a while since I've rented, but I'm pretty sure a residential lease is still typically 12 months. So friend moved in pre-pandemic with ~6 months on the lease. Even if friend felt like she couldn't leave the sublease, it's surely long finished by now. For whatever reason, friend decided to remain in the apartment. 

    LW is not responsible for anything, but certainly not after the sublease was over. 
    Exactly!  Either the lease is now month-to-month or the friend signed a new 12-month lease, since moving in.  

    If the friend doesn't like it anymore, they can move.  Pretty simple.  I don't understand the LW's angst or why they think they should apologize, help the friend look, or pay for anything.

    The friend also might like the place just fine, but is a complainer.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • You didn't know the apartment and building had problems of this magnitude - it isn't like you knew and tricked your friend into moving in. You're not responsible for this. Let your friend know you're sorry it turned out this way, don't wax nostalgic to her about your time in that apartment, and let her deal with it as she sees fit. 

    Does anyone else find it odd that LW is this attached to an apartment they only lived in for 6 months?
  • I can kind of understand why LW loves the old apartment. But I see it more like being in love with that season of life and the apartment being the background for that. I spent 6ish months living in a MIL house behind my friends' place before moving in with DH. It was one of the best times of my life. It was my first time living truly alone, just a girl and her dog. I learned a lot about my self and really grew as a person in those 6 months, it also coincided with quitting drinking for a year. So I love that little house and didn't live there long enough to find a lot of flaws in it. 
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards