Family in bridal party concern

knottie0255c95f2b848fb3

I am getting married next summer. I just found out my SIL is pregnant and due that weekend. Therefore that would remove my brother from making it as well on top of her stepping down along with my nieces. I’m not mad they want another child but I am upset about the timing as they knew and now that takes away them  being able to come at all potentially. I don’t know how to make myself feel better about it. Life happens but I feel it should have been a thought about should it happen now(like it has) where that would put them due. 

MesmrEwe

knottie0255c95f2b848fb3 said:

I am getting married next summer. I just found out my SIL is pregnant and due that weekend. Therefore that would remove my brother from making it as well on top of her stepping down along with my nieces. I’m not mad they want another child but I am upset about the timing as they knew and now that takes away them  being able to come at all potentially. I don’t know how to make myself feel better about it. Life happens but I feel it should have been a thought about should it happen now(like it has) where that would put them due. 

Let's start this off with they didn't plan her getting pregnant and due date to scorn attendance at your wedding.  For a lot of people (okay, for 99.99999999% of the population), getting pregnant is not something they get to choose the date of, it's a process and they may have been trying for over a year and this just happened to be when everything came together.  Then, when it comes to the baby's arrival, unless it's a scheduled C-Section, again, not something they really have much control over.  Consider that your brother and your nieces may still attend independent of baby's arrival. Or, they may attend your wedding for the baby's introduction to the family if the baby comes early (this would also NOT be stealing your thunder!).  Or, they may decide to lay low.  Some babies like to come early, others like to stay a while and require "eviction" through the form of an induction and they may attend your wedding as a last hurrah before baby's arrival.  And, there's the unexpected that can also happen which I won't go into.  

Either way, this still has NOTHING to do with the date of your wedding.  If anything it's easier to reschedule your wedding than it is her due date.  I say this very tongue in cheek, but how you can make yourself feel better is by getting excited about the new little one that's going to be joining your family around your wedding and how easy it's going to be for you to remember their Birthday because they're so close to one another.  

As for what to do in regard to having them in the Wedding Party, if you want them in your WP because they are your nearest and dearest, then ASK!  Be flexible as to the expectant Mom's attire because that's something that will literally need to be purchased at the last second because anyone's guess on sizing (Baby or PP belly, whether she plans to BF or FF, etc.) also, whether she can attend or not, buy the bouquet of flowers for her anyway and have the attitude of "If she can attend - WONDERFUL!  If not - that's okay too!"..  It's also possible that your Nieces may be getting watched by your parents if she's in L&D the weekend of your wedding.  Just a thought.  

It's okay to go purchase a cupcake from your baker with a beverage of your choice in a "pity party for one", but at the end of the day, the baby's specific due date and time of arrival are not something they get full control over.  Change your bridal vision to include the scenarios 1) They attend 2) Brother and Nieces attend, 3) Nieces attend, 4)You meet your new niece or nephew on the day of your wedding in all their newborn adorableness and as a gracious host make sure your brother has got a place to go with the baby to attend to any needs that may present themselves at any time..  

climbingsingle

knottie0255c95f2b848fb3 said:

I am getting married next summer. I just found out my SIL is pregnant and due that weekend. Therefore that would remove my brother from making it as well on top of her stepping down along with my nieces. I’m not mad they want another child but I am upset about the timing as they knew and now that takes away them  being able to come at all potentially. I don’t know how to make myself feel better about it. Life happens but I feel it should have been a thought about should it happen now(like it has) where that would put them due. 

Please tell me you are joking with this. You really wanted/expected your brother and SIL to family plan around your wedding!?!?!

banana468

climbingsingle said:

knottie0255c95f2b848fb3 said:

I am getting married next summer. I just found out my SIL is pregnant and due that weekend. Therefore that would remove my brother from making it as well on top of her stepping down along with my nieces. I’m not mad they want another child but I am upset about the timing as they knew and now that takes away them  being able to come at all potentially. I don’t know how to make myself feel better about it. Life happens but I feel it should have been a thought about should it happen now(like it has) where that would put them due. 

Please tell me you are joking with this. You really wanted/expected your brother and SIL to family plan around your wedding!?!?!

This.   

-It's unreasonable to expect people to put their lives on hold for a day.  That's what you're saying in the bolded.  It's fine to express the disappointment in how things aligned but they likely didn't get pregnant AT you.  

-If you haven't tried for a child it's not as simple as how a HS sex ed teacher portrays it.  It took me 8 months to conceive my 2nd child.  That was 8 months of temp taking, fertility sign monitoring and telling my husband "look we want a kid so consider a quickie if you plan to be out after I go to bed."  And that was a solid 6 months of crying every time I got my period wondering if my daughter would be an only child. 

What you do: You congratulate them. 

downtondiva

You are allowed to be sad/disappointed that your brother and his family may not be able to make it to your wedding. That's perfectly natural.

That being said, you seem to be taking this very personally and suggesting that they should have taken your wedding into account when they got pregnant. And I'm sorry, but that's absurd. Getting pregnant is not an exact science and can very challenging for some couples, and they can't pick and choose exactly when it happens or when the baby will be born (and even if they were to try being exacting about it, babies don't always pay attention to the timetables set by adults, do they?). 

And whether it's a pregnancy or something else, you need to accept that people's lives go on and you can't expect them to put things on hold just because you are getting married. It's not fair to expect people to plan months (and in the case of having another child, years) of their lives around the one day of your wedding. Give yourself some time to be sad about this when needed, but congratulate your brother and SIL and be happy for them. Accept that if they can attend, they will, and if they can't they won't. Whatever happens, be gracious.